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Feeling like an outsider


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I was wondering what we did in the 70's and 80's when others didn't like the same music as us and we didn't have the internet to tell people about it. But I stopped wondering fairly quickly because old man brain doesn't stay focused long enough to remember what we did.

I don't know whether my parents ever accepted or understood the music I listened too, I don't think I ever asked them. I know when my cousin released his first solo album (4th full length) I gave my dad a listen and he pointed out a few areas where he could hear other bands but that was about the closest I remember getting him to actually critique anything. My Mum once said not long before I left home that she liked the music of KISS but didn't like the sight of them but other than that I don't think she ever cared enough to understand or accept what I was listening too either.

However despite not knowing whether they understood or accepted I wouldn't mind betting as a teenager, especially at school, I would have told people my parents didn't understand. That's pretty much standard for kids of every generation I think.

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7 hours ago, Taisiya_or_Tasya said:

Such a bad feeling when you're the only metalhead in your town and have noone to listen some bands with... And even your parents don't fully accept your personality

Really a gross feeling...

It definitely sucks when you don't have people in your local friend circle who share your interest in metal...especially when it comes to going to shows. Unfortunately, it's something most of us kind of have to deal with simply because metal is such a niche genre these days. Not sure if it helps or not, but just remember that music is always a personal experience. Even when you have friends who like the same type of stuff you do, it's going to have different feelings and meanings attached to it. It's never going to hit any of you the same way. To put it another way, we all kind of listen to music alone.

When it comes to finding people to talk about music though, really your best bet is to find a place on the internet...whether here or somewhere else...that you feel comfortable, and then make your metalhead friends online. You do want to understand though, that "metalhead" is a very broad term. It covers a ton of different styles, and just because you find other metalheads doesn't mean you'll have any music in common with them. I'm not saying that to be condescending, I just want to make sure you don't end up on something like r/Black Metal trying to talk about Avenged Sevenfold or something like that. This comment board here is a good place to hang for a bit, because even though most of us are kind of curmudgeony, no one is going to have issues answering any questions you might have while you're getting a handle on how things work.

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Back in the early 90's I was in a roomate situation after my first wife left. There were three of us dudes renting a house and sharing one stereo (mine) and basically combining our record collections, which was about 85% or 90% mine as well. It was kinda good in a way because we had to let everyone have their turn to pick the next record, so I got exposed to a bunch of stuff I probably wouldn't have otherwise left to my own devices. But I do kind of prefer this now when I can listen to whatever I want here in my place while at the same time interacting with other people who are listening to whatever they want in the privacy of their own spaces. That way everyone's happy. Because you'll almost never find two metalheads who like and dislike all the same shit.

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What they all said.

As the greatest and most vital form of music, metal is all you will ever need; with or without friends to enjoy it with. But, as someone who goes to a lot of gigs alone...it is nice to share with other people from time to time. That could form the basis of a future decision, like what city to move to for school or work - chosen for which has a good music/metal scene. 

 

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I think I was lucky in that when I started to get seriously into metal internat was starting to take off (late 90's) and finding likeminded through online communities, IRC (what's now called Discord), web forums and web rings was easier. The novlety of internet also made the lines between metal, goth, punk and hardcore less rigid so you were introduced to more bands outside of your interest-zone. I've never really had many IRL friends who were seriously into metal. Even now the guy who knows most about metal and whom I've known the longest doesn't care for 25% of the bands I listen to.

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apart from one girlfriend, almost a decade ago, I’ve never met another person IRL who likes metal, and is kind of a niche genre. The important thing is to enjoy what you like and if you find people with common interests great, if not that’s plenty besides music you can form friendships over. With all of that being said it does suck when you’ve got no one who will go to a gig with you, even Morceau if, like me, you’re going blind, so you can’t really go alone.

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18 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

apart from one girlfriend, almost a decade ago, I’ve never met another person

That started out very bleak on the "unread posts" page.

But it did end on a nice musical note, thanks Siri.

19 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

 when you’ve got no one who will go to a gig with you, even Morceau

 

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1 hour ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

apart from one girlfriend, almost a decade ago, I’ve never met another person IRL who likes metal, and is kind of a niche genre. The important thing is to enjoy what you like and if you find people with common interests great, if not that’s plenty besides music you can form friendships over. With all of that being said it does suck when you’ve got no one who will go to a gig with you, even Morceau if, like me, you’re going blind, so you can’t really go alone.

You seem like a nice enough bloke, you can't even talk one of your cricket mates into taking you to a gig? Or maybe you're friendy with a law school chick or something? (you did say you were attending law school, right?) Even if they're not into the music I'd think they could go with you once in awhile just out of friendship. I went with my friend to that Jinger show in Brooklyn back in Nov 2021 when I had absolutely no interest whatsoever in seeing that band, just because he'd asked me to go with him so he wouldn't have to go alone. He's done the same for me as well, it's what friends are supposed to do. I would be glad to take you to a show Blivvie, if I didn't live on the totally opposite side of the world.

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I dropped Lulu most half a decade ago now, as for my cricket mates, they all live on the other side of the city to me, we really don’t catch up much outside of the season. Then there’s the Adelaide factor to consider, it’s incredibly rare we actually get a show worth seeing in the first place. Hence I’ve only been to 4 shows in my life, AC/DC, Metallica, Black Sabbath, and Obituary

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4 hours ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:

that Jinger show

At the risk of repeating myself, my son and I saw Jinger at one of  the Soundwave festivals. There was nothing else on at that moment that we were in the least interested in. The music was forgettable, but we both agreed that we didn't see how it was possible for the women to wear pants so low and contemplating that entertained us for the 40 minutes of so that they played.

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11 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

we both agreed that we didn't see how it was possible for the women to wear pants so low and contemplating that entertained us for the 40 minutes of so that they played.

I remember a few country gigs where the pants were the opposite, so many female singers wearing Daisy Dukes that it didn't matter what the music was.

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6 hours ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

apart from one girlfriend, almost a decade ago, I’ve never met another person IRL who likes metal, and is kind of a niche genre. The important thing is to enjoy what you like and if you find people with common interests great, if not that’s plenty besides music you can form friendships over. With all of that being said it does suck when you’ve got no one who will go to a gig with you, even moreso if like me, you’re going blind, so you can’t really go alone.

Mevins - I Think I'm Goin' Bind

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  • 2 months later...

I know the feeling. I live in Montana. everyone thinks I moved here from California, and well, I sort of look like I do come from somewhere else. But, I have never been untrue to myself, so I just live quietly, and play the music I love. Being different from the pact is a blessing. in these times of most people having an "unrealistic sense of importance, I feel honored to stand alone! I guess what I am saying here friend is you are not alone, a freak, or weird in anyway. you have a passion, you honor it. it is as it should be. Be proud, I see a lot of people claiming to be passionate, but they are just giving lip service in the hopes of being heard. Sad but true.

 

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On 3/15/2023 at 6:49 PM, RelentlessOblivion said:

apart from one girlfriend, almost a decade ago, I’ve never met another person IRL who likes metal

I know this is an old post, but this just kind of made me chuckle because I swear, and maybe it's my area or just because I live in band shirts, but for some reason I could throw a rock and probably manage to hit someone who listens to metal. I've run into them in stores, on airplanes, in classes. Hell, barely a week ago I was over at a local boating supplies place picking up some wire terminals and the dude working there asks if I need a hand. Next thing I know he's asking me if I was actually at Metal Threat (had my festival shirt on) and if I like Ruins of Beverast.

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53 minutes ago, SurgicalBrute said:

I know this is an old post, but this just kind of made me chuckle because I swear, and maybe it's my area or just because I live in band shirts, but for some reason I could throw a rock and probably manage to hit someone who listens to metal. I've run into them in stores, on airplanes, in classes. Hell, barely a week ago I was over at a local boating supplies place picking up some wire terminals and the dude working there asks if I need a hand. Next thing I know he's asking me if I was actually at Metal Threat (had my festival shirt on) and if I like Ruins of Beverast.

I think between the DC area all the way up the eastern seaboard to metro Boston we have a higher than average concentration of metalheads due to conditions being quite favorable, i.e. with our endless suburban sprawl and higher than average relative wealth. Perfect breeding ground for metalheads. (not saying they're all true and kvlt like us, but at least some variety of metalhead) Same thing out in the SF Bay Area but even moreso where at one time it seemed like every third young dude was likely a shaggy haired metalhead. Metro areas like Denver, Portland, Vancouver and Chicago also seem to spawn disproportionate numbers of metal bands so they probably have much higher than average concentrations of metalheads in those places too. Even where I am now in Jersey a little bit farther out from the city where suburban meets rural I still get comments regularly on my band shirts and I don't even wear them all the time like some of you guys do. I find it hard to imagine what it would be like to live somewhere where I was the only metalhead for miles around.

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1 hour ago, SurgicalBrute said:

I know this is an old post, but this just kind of made me chuckle because I swear, and maybe it's my area or just because I live in band shirts, but for some reason I could throw a rock and probably manage to hit someone who listens to metal. I've run into them in stores, on airplanes, in classes. Hell, barely a week ago I was over at a local boating supplies place picking up some wire terminals and the dude working there asks if I need a hand. Next thing I know he's asking me if I was actually at Metal Threat (had my festival shirt on) and if I like Ruins of Beverast.

Perhaps I’m just unlucky, upon reflection I’d say that I know maybe 6 people who are into metal, but only one I could drag along to a gig.

8 minutes ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:

I think between the DC area all the way up the eastern seaboard to metro Boston we have a higher than average concentration of metalheads due to conditions being quite favorable, i.e. with our endless suburban sprawl and higher than average relative wealth. Perfect breeding ground for metalheads. (not saying they're all true and kvlt like us, but at least some variety of metalhead) Same thing out in the SF Bay Area but even moreso where at one time it seemed like every third young dude was likely a shaggy haired metalhead. Metro areas like Denver, Portland, Vancouver and Chicago also seem to spawn disproportionate numbers of metal bands so they probably have much higher than average concentrations of metalheads in those places too. Even where I am now in Jersey a little bit farther out from the city where suburban meets rural I still get comments regularly on my band shirts and I don't even wear them all the time like some of you guys do. I find it hard to imagine what it would be like to live somewhere where I was the only metalhead for miles around.

Also to put where I live into perspective: South Australia is roughly a third larger then Texas, but has a population roughly a third smaller then Iowa.

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9 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

 

Also to put where I live into perspective: South Australia is roughly a third larger then Texas, but has a population roughly a third smaller then Iowa.

And South Aus can add to the current WWE Smackdown Women's Titleholder to their list of accolades can Texas or Iowa do that?

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