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Apoc

By Apoc
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FatherAlabaster
FatherAlabaster

Baby girl Zoe was delivered by C-section just after 10 this morning. Mom and daughter are doing well, currently resting. Bandcamp and hangovers can wait.

~Mere~
~Mere~

Went to an award ceremony honoring all the students in our school district who scored distinguished on state testing in @ least one of three subjects Math, Reading & Science. My son James, he's

FatherAlabaster
FatherAlabaster

Congratulations to our newest moderator, MacabreEternal! For he's a jolly good fellow, etc etc.

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

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So yeah in case you couldn't tell this recent bout of depression is kinda kicking my sorry ass. At a loss as to how I break the cycle and move forward. I know there's a great many things I could do but am not really inclined to even bother.

 

Can't see a counsellor because the service offered by my uni is aimed more at easing transitions through courses or aiding in withdrawing from degrees. Can't see psychologist 'cause not covered on my health plan. Can't talk to family 'cause I get the same 'you've got no reason to feel that way so stop it' approach. I feel completely isolated at present. Can't reach out to my so-called friends because they don't give two shits about people unless THEY want something.

 

The fuck am I gonna do? It's a serious effort to make it seem like I'm semi-functional and that's mostly so the housemate doesn't have another breakdown.

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FatherAlabaster Grand Master

FatherAlabaster

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18 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

So yeah in case you couldn't tell this recent bout of depression is kinda kicking my sorry ass. At a loss as to how I break the cycle and move forward. I know there's a great many things I could do but am not really inclined to even bother.

 

Can't see a counsellor because the service offered by my uni is aimed more at easing transitions through courses or aiding in withdrawing from degrees. Can't see psychologist 'cause not covered on my health plan. Can't talk to family 'cause I get the same 'you've got no reason to feel that way so stop it' approach. I feel completely isolated at present. Can't reach out to my so-called friends because they don't give two shits about people unless THEY want something.

 

The fuck am I gonna do? It's a serious effort to make it seem like I'm semi-functional and that's mostly so the housemate doesn't have another breakdown.

Yikes, sounds like a bad situation. The only thing I can think of is maybe to get back to cycling? Even if you're not doing it in a "I'm going to train my knees off and beat every fucker on the Garmin" kind of way, maybe more relaxed. Playing some guitar might help too, see if you can write it out, turn it into something productive. Exercise and writing music have gotten me through some of the worst times in my life.

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

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As I've said many times I have these sorts of downswings on a semi-regular basis and normal I come out of them ok. Might take a month or more but in the end I go back to normal (for me that's slightly down). When it does get bad I'm usually able to at least manage it. Like things are tough, obviously, and it's clear to those around me that I'm not doing so well but I don't feel overwhelmed or helpless. That's exactly how I feel this time though. Perhaps you remember the last downswing I acknowledged things were tough. I also talked about how this wasn't a new experience and I would fight through it. Think I may have said something about not letting depression make me its bitch. Could sure use some of that fight right now.

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MacabreEternal Veteran

MacabreEternal

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Watching my gran today at 90, real inspiration.  Beaten cancer twice, outlived all her peers (young and old). Lved through a world war. So old, vulnerable and fragile yet still so full of concern and love for others ahead of herself.  Sat round that table today I saw the small size of my family. Me, Gran, my folks, my GF and a handful of friends/second cousins.  Small but fucking tight!

Live your lives everyone, fuck the negatives, grow old and be yourselves!

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

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I wish to retract my previous statement. I am far from perfect but more often then not will recognise when enough is enough. Sadly this is not true of the aforementioned housemate who shows a clear lack of experience when dealing with alcohol. Consequently this evening did not go to plan.

 

I would be more forgiving if this were a once off since we all make mistakes from time to time. Given this is a semi-frequent event however my patience wears thin. Thinner still when said housemate declares her mission for the night to be 'help housemates get some'. Something which, given it's been more then a year, I feel I'm entitled to. Anyways slightly tipsy rant over.

 

Oh also in another case of confusing talent and ambition I am now learning 'sacrificial suicide' by Deicide 'cause SATAN!!!

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

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Since when am I not allowed to be an arrogant bastard? In all seriousness though having dealt with a toxic relationship, the inevitable break-up, realising university is not for me, the stress of a poorly planned move, and extreme depression in the last ten months would you not agree something ought to go my way eventually?

 

P.S might have had a bit to drink myself so no doubt come the morn I shall regret much of what is presently being said.

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FatherAlabaster Grand Master

FatherAlabaster

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10 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

Since when am I not allowed to be an arrogant bastard? In all seriousness though having dealt with a toxic relationship, the inevitable break-up, realising university is not for me, the stress of a poorly planned move, and extreme depression in the last ten months would you not agree something ought to go my way eventually?

 

P.S might have had a bit to drink myself so no doubt come the morn I shall regret much of what is presently being said.

Nothing wrong with wanting to get laid. It's almost always lots of fun. Thinking somebody owes it to you is a problem. 

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

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That is not at all what I meant. Hmm maybe I've had more then I thought. 'Twas more a lament. A crude remark concerning how sparse such chances, slim as they may be, seem to be in my experience. Surely you know me well enough by now to understand I don't think that way? Or do I actually come off as an arrogant prick who thinks the world owes him everything?

 

Man if that's the case I might just have to disappear for a while. Returning as an emotionally distant, humourless, stick-in-the-mud. Wait a minute that sounds EXACTLY like me already...anyone know where I can buy personality???

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MacabreEternal Veteran

MacabreEternal

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Not the best of career moves but I am in disagreement with my new line management and voiced this quite openly during a conference call today.  The rest of my colleagues are quite young in comparison and seem to look to me to lead on things, so they were all in the room thinking the same as me but relied on me to speak up.  Next week's face to face team meeting with our Director should be fun!

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FatherAlabaster Grand Master

FatherAlabaster

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57 minutes ago, MacabreEternal said:

Not the best of career moves but I am in disagreement with my new line management and voiced this quite openly during a conference call today.  The rest of my colleagues are quite young in comparison and seem to look to me to lead on things, so they were all in the room thinking the same as me but relied on me to speak up.  Next week's face to face team meeting with our Director should be fun!

YOU GIVE EM WHAT FOR OLD BOY

WE'RE BEHIND YE ALL THE WAY

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