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Cannibal Corpse beard oil

Dead1

By Dead1
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Sardonicist Collaborator

Sardonicist

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I take pride in not purchasing any personal care products with the exception of the cheapest disposable razors. Hot water and cheap razors for shaving. Soap is completely pointless for everyone not getting covered in engine oil or something like that. Shaving cream is fucking bullshit. Beard oil! The fuck do I want to oil my beard for? 

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GoatmasterGeneral Grand Master

GoatmasterGeneral

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I've never tried to sell (or resell) my beard. Maybe I should list it on FB Marketplace and see what I could get for it. Probably not much now that it's basically all white. Really not sure what kind of mileage it gets. (wouldn't that be kilometrage down under?) Bought some beard oil once (not the Cannibal Corpse branded variety) came in a little round tin that I stuck in the medicine cabinet and have never used. I kinda like that my beard feels like steel wool. I will sometimes put a little hair conditioner on it in the shower and leave it on for a few minutes while I'm busy washing other parts of me. I don't use the hair conditioner on my hair, got it just for the beard.

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GoatmasterGeneral Grand Master

GoatmasterGeneral

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I walked into a hotel lobby one time 2 Aprils ago to check in, had never stayed there before but the lady who worked there seemed very happy to see me. She threw her arms out and yelled "Santa!!" Guess she must've thought I was running a bit late and had finally come down to Florida to personally give her, her Christmas present.

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MacabreEternal Veteran

MacabreEternal

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19 minutes ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:

I walked into a hotel lobby one time 2 Aprils ago to check in, had never stayed there before but the lady who worked there seemed very happy to see me. She threw her arms out and yelled "Santa!!" Guess she must've thought I was running a bit late and had finally come down to Florida to personally give her, her Christmas present.

Also being the owner of a white beard (which I recently shaved off and instantly regretted) and get the Santa reference a lot, also Uncle Albert from Only Fools and Horses (Google it non-UK folks).  I find having a beard very reassuring and in an odd way "shielding".

I have used beard oil and will do so in the future when my mane grows back, it keeps me feeling clean and visibly nourishes my beard.  I don't use it everyday, but it is there when I need it.  Won't use CC's version as it is marketing gone bonkers but am a fan of beard oil in general.  

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FatherAlabaster Grand Master

FatherAlabaster

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I think it's a great idea. I'm as careful as possible when I remove beards - generally a slice beside each ear, then along the cheekbones, then with special care up across the maxilla and under the nose - but there's so much complicated muscle and tendon in the flesh of the face that even the cleanest removal requires a lot of tugging and scraping, and over time this can lead to a threadbare appearance which doesn't really engender swellings of pride in one's collection. Ashamed to think of the glorious beards I've had to discard as they slowly become shriveled, leathern husks, a process accelerated by the dry cold of a northeastern winter. Cannibal Corpse Butchered Body keeps a beard looking as fresh as the night I peeled it from a sobbing victim, and its clean, woodsy scent masks any putrefaction while putting off the cadaver dogs. Excellent product, five stars.

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Sheol Rising Star

Sheol

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1 hour ago, FatherAlabaster said:

I think it's a great idea. I'm as careful as possible when I remove beards - generally a slice beside each ear, then along the cheekbones, then with special care up across the maxilla and under the nose - but there's so much complicated muscle and tendon in the flesh of the face that even the cleanest removal requires a lot of tugging and scraping, and over time this can lead to a threadbare appearance which doesn't really engender swellings of pride in one's collection. Ashamed to think of the glorious beards I've had to discard as they slowly become shriveled, leathern husks, a process accelerated by the dry cold of a northeastern winter. Cannibal Corpse Butchered Body keeps a beard looking as fresh as the night I peeled it from a sobbing victim, and its clean, woodsy scent masks any putrefaction while putting off the cadaver dogs. Excellent product, five stars.

It took me way to long to figure out what was going on here....

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GoatmasterGeneral Grand Master

GoatmasterGeneral

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2 hours ago, zackflag said:

Hardcore free testosterone booster?

Good. Keep hardcore out of my death metal and also keep it out of my steroids!

Don't be silly, hardcore goes great with everything man, death metal, black metal, doom metal, I even put some in my coffee.

Wish I knew how to photoshop because I would have put "Cannibal Corpse Butchered Body" over where it said Nugenix.

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AlSymerz Grand Master

AlSymerz

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It's interesting that CC beard oil has made the news and creating conversation on so many different platforms. The mob making this stuff has been adding bands names to their beard oil for a while and none have created the hype the Cannibal Corpse has. The same company sells beard oil in the name of Exhorder, Hatriot, Jeff Mantis, Venom, and others. Perhaps it's all in the name because the others don't all have such appealing names like Butchered Body.

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