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Apoc

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I can't do this anymore, I just can't, things at home are worse then ever. There's a fight a day that now centres on my brother and I being "disrespectful, ungrateful, lazy c**** (according to step-dad)" I haven't felt comfortable in this house for over a decade but right now I actually don't feel safe. The worst thing in all of this is that I have no idea how to escape the situation. Can't afford to move out on my own, can't move in with my dad, I'm stuck here.

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21 hours ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

I can't do this anymore, I just can't, things at home are worse then ever. There's a fight a day that now centres on my brother and I being "disrespectful, ungrateful, lazy c**** (according to step-dad)" I haven't felt comfortable in this house for over a decade but right now I actually don't feel safe. The worst thing in all of this is that I have no idea how to escape the situation. Can't afford to move out on my own, can't move in with my dad, I'm stuck here.

What do you do when your stepdad talks to you like that?  Dude do not let anybody talk to you like that no matter who it is. Also, I would suggest staying away for a little while.

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23 hours ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

I can't do this anymore, I just can't, things at home are worse then ever. There's a fight a day that now centres on my brother and I being "disrespectful, ungrateful, lazy c**** (according to step-dad)" I haven't felt comfortable in this house for over a decade but right now I actually don't feel safe. The worst thing in all of this is that I have no idea how to escape the situation. Can't afford to move out on my own, can't move in with my dad, I'm stuck here.

Sounds a bit like my house when I grew up, except my stepdad was also a violent drunk. It really is down to your mother to remove this abusive person from your premises but as she fails to do so, there is very little you can do apart from trying to stay out of the house as much as possible, keeping your head low while you are home and start saving up money. I could suggest doing a few things around the house to help out that you weren't asked to do but if he keeps picking fights, your good intentions might be misunderstood or used against you. He doesn't sound like the kind of person you can sit down with and explain how his behavior is affecting everyone else there. 

Just know that even though you feel powerless and you can not change the situation, you do have power over how much you let it control you. This mans issues are not with you, they are with himself. People who are abusive, verbally, mentally and physically, have issues with themselves that they project on to others and sometimes pass on to others too. Don't allow him to do that. Know that when he get's angry and fights break out, and puts you and your brother in the center, that it's not actually about you or your brother. Instead of getting angry or scared, take a mental step back and really look at him, who he is, (I don't mean stare at him, I mean critically look at him in your mind while he is there shouting and spewing his bile). I did that when I lived at home, seen him for the pathetic, insecure, troubled poor excuse of a man he was and it got me over my fear for him. He couldn't mentally break me because I seen him for what he was. 

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3 hours ago, mindy6158 said:

What do you do when your stepdad talks to you like that?  Dude do not let anybody talk to you like that no matter who it is. Also, I would suggest staying away for a little while.

I used to bite back but that just made things worse, now I try to just tune it out with varying degrees of success.

3 hours ago, jfk36 said:

Three things:

1) Does your door lock from the inside and do you have a key?

2) Is there an affordable hotel/ motel/ b&b near you?

3) How good is your local police force? 

The door to our main area locks from both in and outside but I actually don't have a key. There are a few but I doubt they'd let me stay long as my trainer is awful noisy. The police are great but unless he's physically abusive there's not much they can do. I just have to try and stick it out a bit longer and hopefully convince my brother that we should rent a place together.

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1 hour ago, Sisa Belial said:

Sounds a bit like my house when I grew up, except my stepdad was also a violent drunk. It really is down to your mother to remove this abusive person from your premises but as she fails to do so, there is very little you can do apart from trying to stay out of the house as much as possible, keeping your head low while you are home and start saving up money. I could suggest doing a few things around the house to help out that you weren't asked to do but if he keeps picking fights, your good intentions might be misunderstood or used against you. He doesn't sound like the kind of person you can sit down with and explain how his behavior is affecting everyone else there. 

Just know that even though you feel powerless and you can not change the situation, you do have power over how much you let it control you. This mans issues are not with you, they are with himself. People who are abusive, verbally, mentally and physically, have issues with themselves that they project on to others and sometimes pass on to others too. Don't allow him to do that. Know that when he get's angry and fights break out, and puts you and your brother in the center, that it's not actually about you or your brother. Instead of getting angry or scared, take a mental step back and really look at him, who he is, (I don't mean stare at him, I mean critically look at him in your mind while he is there shouting and spewing his bile). I did that when I lived at home, seen him for the pathetic, insecure, troubled poor excuse of a man he was and it got me over my fear for him. He couldn't mentally break me because I seen him for what he was. 

Intelligent conversations are most assuredly not his forte. I'm fortunate in the sense that my brother and I share well I guess you'd call it a granny flat (2 bedrooms, bathroom, living room) seperate from the rest of our house so most of his crap isn't directly targeted at us.

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