King Of The Hill

[deathstorm]

Ultra Magnus. Relizes. Optimus prime is best. Friend. They see you as deception. They open fire. On you. Killing you As they claim the hill Optimus prime and. Ultra Magnus hill

[Iceni]

I ally with the Decepticons. Mudflap dusts them both. My hill.

[RelentlessOblivion]

I unleash an electromagnetic pulse which permanently disables Mudflap. With no defences remaining you flee in terror from my vastly superior technology. My hill

[Iceni]

I use a gun, not disabled by virtue of the fact that it is mechanical, to Mozambique you, but not before you have time to savor the irony. My hill.

[RelentlessOblivion]

You fail to take into account the magnificence of kevlar. Having only had one bullet left in the firearm you are now left with a useless weapon. Ripping off Chuck Norris I roundhouse kick you to death however it takes 900 kicks because I am not Chuck Norris My hill

[FatherAlabaster]

You throw your back out while kicking Iceni; furthermore, your knee feels funny and you're worried you might have stubbed your toe. Your fears are confirmed when your leg swells up overnight, and your back hurts so badly that you can't stand up straight. You can't possibly defend your hill. Overcome with remorse for Iceni's horrific murder, and filled with sorrow because you may have permanently ruined your cycling prospects, you ask me to step in as hill guardian. You limp off into the wilderness, never to return. I remain your faithful steward. De facto, my hill.

[Iceni]

Murph forgot to account for the magnificence of shinguards. I come to the negotiating table and give you a get of paints as a peace offering...but the paints have ammonia in them. Whilst creating yet another mixture of M.C. Escher and H.R. Geiger, you asphyxiate. My hill.

[RelentlessOblivion]

Having found in the wilderness a herb which cures all aches and pains I am able to return on my bicycle (I want to ride my biiiiiike). You're so suprised by my return you stumble and fall, rolling down the hill and crashing into a conviently placed tree, unfortunately your momentum fells said tree and, defying physics, it falls on you. My hill

[FatherAlabaster]

You thought it was the right hill, but without your tandem captain, you couldn't see well enough and rode over an anthill by mistake. That thudding and crashing you heard was JBaker stumbling over my corpse while looking for his Sarcofago CD. The ants swarm over your face and into your nose and mouth, devouring soft tissues while you attempt to scream in agony. Soon there's nothing left but bones. Iceni remains up on his hill, though his reign is troubled by indecision and guilt over having killed me. At least temporarily, it's still Iceni's hill.

[RelentlessOblivion]

Unable to move on from my traumatic death, and blaming Iceni for it, I return to his hill seeking vengeance. So terrified is he by the eerie goings on that he flees leaving the hill abandoned, or so it seems...

[Iceni]

...until I return, bearing a Spatha wielded by Boudicia herself. One handy uppercut disperses your phantasms and deals with you. My hill. Also my pet cyborg baboon Koobus guards it now.

[deathstorm]

Drives up the hill in a Bigfoot. Monster. Truck. Crushing. You to the death. My hill

[RelentlessOblivion]

In an act of retribution moments before his death Iceni allows me to return under the condition that my sinister spirit rids the hill of you. I gleefully take control of your monster truck with you still inside. You panic as the truck moves against your will. Terror dawns upon you as the truck you once controlled accelerates towards the edge of an abyss and plummets over destroying both the truck and you. My task fulfilled I am free to haunt the hill and ensure all trespassers meet a similarly terrifying end. My hill

[FatherAlabaster]

New evidence conclusively proves that evil spirits don't exist. Accordingly, you vanish in puff of displeasure and vindictiveness, quickly whipped away by a warm breeze. My hill.

[Iceni]

Reaper Chop! My hill.

[RelentlessOblivion]

Wrong again liberal media This was a clever plan by me. Having let down your guard and become complacent you are thoroughly unprepared for my devious ghostly activities. I start by deleting all the finished recordings for the upcoming Black Harvest album forcing you to return to your home studio and leave my hill.

[FatherAlabaster]

Unfortunately, your actions have no effect on whose hill it is, since Iceni got in there first. I become very frustrated by the inexplicable computer problems I've been having. In a fit of rage, I yank the hard drive out and smash it with a sledgehammer. Unbeknownst to me, your spirit is still in there at the time, innocently browsing through my porn collection. Your consciousness is scrambled by the strike, making you much nicer and less competitive (if somewhat stupid) and changing your username to Bovine Loser Lentils. I mail my album backup to the mastering house. When it's pressed, I offer Iceni a physical copy in exchange for some studio space on the hill.

[Iceni]

Well, thanks.

[RelentlessOblivion]

Having become bored of being a ghost after finally realising I can no longer cycle I move on. Having lived in accordance to the teachings of the flying spaghetti monster (yep I'm a pastafarian ) I am permitted to return to Earth. Wielding the awesome power of the bolognese sauce I scold you. My hill

[deathstorm]

You see Shaggy and scooby doo. Running towards. You. Get scared and they gobble you. Up. Till you are completely gone shaggy and scooby doo's hill

[Iceni]

Wielding the awesome power of the bolognese sauce I scold you.

I absorb your sauce with the bread of heaven. I then chuck that loaf and Shaggy and Scooby pelt after it. Still my hill.

[FatherAlabaster]

Heaven calls; they want their bread back. Desperate at the thought that you might be denied entry over something so trivial, you race after Shaggy and Scooby, all thoughts of the hill evaporating from your mind. I find a coal oven dating to the early 1900s in a basement underneath the hill, and open a successful Italian restaurant and bakery on the spot. My restaurant.

[Iceni]

I destroy heaven with an ICBM, infuriated with the very idea that transubstantiation was made a dogmatic pillar. The fact that I destroyed it means it was fabricated. God comes over to me and gives me a bag of Doritos for having destroyed a hive of demons. With a sigh of relief, I irritably grab the stores of bread and I fork them over to you. Grateful at having a lifetime supply of appetizers for your restaurant you offer me a 20% share in the business. I open up a US consulate near to your restaurant to ensure a steady flow of foreign dignitaries willing to stay right 'till the dessert coffee. Your hill. My consulate.

[RelentlessOblivion]

Having never been attacked by Shaggy and Scooby I've been assisting Alabaster with his restaurant. Having been bestowed great power by the Spaghetti Monster I create sauces so magnificent, so addictive, that all foreign dignitaries stay indefinitely. As talks between nations break down Iceni is arrested on suspicion of treachery and the restaurant is raided. I sneak out the back but Alabaster is taken into custody. My hill

[deathstorm]

I bailed. Out alabaster. And icenti. Loaded them with Up with grapping. Hooks we fire them. We hook the speghetti. Monster. We tied you we grab a knife and fork eat we eat you up Our hill