King Of The Hill

[Iceni]

Cliff Burton dies. My hill.

[Black Iron Priest]

I ate peppers today. My hill

[FatherAlabaster]

Unbeknownst to you, your peppers had been laced with poison before you consumed them. You collapse during your customary evening stroll along the beach, and your body is swept out to sea by the tide. My hill.

[Black Iron Priest]

Cannibal Corpse writes a song about a sperm whale fucking my dead body. My hill

[RelentlessOblivion]

You see a sign reading "free beer" and rush down the hill, unfortunately you do not see the whole sign. It actually reads "Alcohol-free beer $10 each" you have no money and are taken to jail for theft. My hill

[FatherAlabaster]

Although you beat me in the door, you trip in your eagerness to reach the top of the hill and stumble into a pit of broken O'Douls bottles, quickly bleeding out. My hill.

[Iceni]

You attempt to establish a club but quickly go bankrupt and flee to the Bahamas as the Australian government does not allow you to stay open past midnight. My hill.

[RelentlessOblivion]

You wait too long to throw the holy hand grenade of antioch and it smites you. My hill

[deathstorm]

I sneak a king brown. You get invemonated from its bite and you died from its nuerotoxicity. Venom. My Hill

[SBird94]

You fall asleep on top of the hill, in your slumber I drag you down the hill and burry your live body at the bottom My Hill.

[FatherAlabaster]

You wake up at your desk in surprise, only to have your knuckles severely rapped by a horde of angry English professors. You are put in detention, where you have to write the word "bury" over and over until they're all satisfied. My hill.

[deathstorm]

I rise out the ground like a zombie. When you not looking. Give you a cloumbian necktie you while you are sleeping. Throws your dead body in the ocean. Watches your carcess get divoured by a great. White shark. My hill

[FatherAlabaster]

The great Neptune, angered by your mistreatment of me, commands the sea to rise and cover your insignificant hill. You're dragged to the bottom of the sea, where your skeleton is destined to become a real stumper for archaeologists of the far future. I'm granted release from the land of the dead, and return to find a new hill. My hill.

[deathstorm]

a PHONEIX. Sees my skeleton. And it merges. With my skeleton and then I rise from the ashes. From. Dead self. Reborn. You see me back alive. You get scared. As I summon a deathstorm to take you my hill

[Black Iron Priest]

The deathstorm is really bad; it gets out of hand and kills you again; you roll down the mountain. Over night the storm calms down and eventually goes away. I casually walk up to the hill, stop to tie my shoe lace, then continue on to climb to the top. My hill.

[RelentlessOblivion]

The Australian fast bowler knocks you off the hill with a bouncer My hill (and only those who have seen Skithouse will get that joke)

[Black Iron Priest]

The dyslexic student reads your post and thinks it says "Austrian fast bowler;" mistakenly he goes to the wrong country in search of this fast bowler only to fail for being in the wrong country. He returns home and on his way he notices a large hill; he wants a private place to cry so he climbs to the top and notices you. Depressed, he kills himself; the cops come by and think you did it so they drag you off to jail. Meanwhile I'm taking my casual stroll down the beach after eating peppers, but again, they were poisoned, so my body falls over into the ocean as I'm carried out to sea. Cannibal Corpse writes another song, this time about two sperm whales fucking my dead body. After escaping I end up at the same place I ended up last time. I see a sign that reads "free beer," so I rush down the hill. Unfortunately the other part was blocked off and I had completely forgotten about it. The price of the beer had been raised to $25 because of the Affordable Care Act and the boss needed the extra money to cover his workers. I am taken to jail for stealing the beer. Once I'm out I begin running for the hill as fast as I can and I beat FatherAlabaster to the door but I trip and fall into a pit of broken O'Douls bottles. I soon realize that I can't reclaim the hill so I establish a club but I go bankrupt because no one will buy my $25 beers because they all think it's free. I flee to the bahamas because the Australian government doesn't let me stay up past midnight. On my way there I remember the Fast Bowler so I tell the captain to turn around so I can find him. I load up with gear and begin my search. I finally find him so I decide to kill him with a grenade. I wait too long to throw the grenade and it smites me. Helplessly laying on the ground a king brown bites me and I am "invemonated" and die. My body is carried to the top of a hill to be buried but it turns out I'm not dead; I'm just passed out. On the top of the hill I fall asleep. SBird94 drags me down while raping me and buries my live body at the bottom. Cannibal Corpse sees a story about this in the news and writes a song about it. It turns out I was only dreaming, and I wake up at my desk, surprised to see my knuckles rapped by angry English professors. I am put in detention. I sneak out of the classroom when they are not looking and give them "cloumbian" neckties on the way out. I throw their dead bodies in the ocean and sperm whales fuck their dead bodies; Cannibal Corpse writes a song about it. Neptune is tired of humans and his creatures having intercourse so he commands the sea to rise but Jesus calms the sea. The dead professors are dragged to the bottom as the sea lowers and now deep-sea fish are fucking their bodies; Cannibal Corpse writes a song about it. Years later a group or Archaeologists are exploring and find the dead bodies, one of them is released from prison because of his find and sets off with a new life in search of hills. A phoenix sees the archaeologist and it merges. The phoenix summons a deathstorm to take the archaeologist. The storm gets out of hand and kills the phoenix. Over night the storm calms down and morning comes. I casually walk up to the hill, stop to tie my shoe lace, then continue to climb the hill. The Australian fast bowler knocks me off with a bouncer. A dyslexic student is watching the news and he thinks it says "Austrian" fast bowler... My hill

[FatherAlabaster]

During the time it takes you to type that, tectonic forces slowly push the hill you've claimed back under the earth's crust. You, your computer, your college, and all the land it stood on are completely eradicated. Meanwhile, these same forces raise newer, taller hills elsewhere on the planet, one of which I claim. My hill.

[Black Iron Priest]

Somehow during all the tectonic forces rearranging the hills, dead bodies are pushed out of the ground and onto the surface. One of the people that stole a beer is drunk and thinks one of the dead is a live woman. He begins fucking it. The story makes it to the news but the news reporter wasn't aware the man was drunk and incorrectly reported it as blatant necrophilia. Cannibal Corpse watches the news report and writes a song about it. As I walk to the store to buy the new CD I notice a hill that had never been there before; I realize that the tectonic forces put the hill there. Meanwhile, your mother calls you and tells you you didn't wash the dishes this morning so you're grounded. You return home and I am left alone on the hill. My hill

[FatherAlabaster]

You've got the hill, but you're still unhappy. Your intensely competitive nature won't let you stop striving, even though there's no other goal in sight, and that internal pressure slowly unbalances you. One day you see what seems like a taller hill in the distance, and you set off to conquer it, only to discover it was a mirage. You die of old age, still searching for the way back. About that time, I finish the dishes, and mommy lets me back out to play King Of The Hill with everyone else. My hill.

[JBaker]

I bring a dozen kittens. My hill.

[Iceni]

I bring Olivia Armstrong, who is unmoved by their cuteness. ...unfortunately, after the bloodbath it sure as hell isn't my bloody hill. So I replace her sword with a plastic replica and then attack her with an axe. My hill. Until the Major comes by, anyway.

[RelentlessOblivion]

You trip over your shoelaces having not realised they were undone. You fall off the hill My hill

[Iceni]

You fall off the hill

The fact that this is impossible because the hill is gently sloped allows my highly developed prog brain to exploit its untruth to the extent that a black hole deletes you as an aberration against the system. My hill.

[Black Iron Priest]

I look up the definition of aberration and I spell it wrong while typing it in. I suddenly understand Cannibal Corpse. My hill