Depraved

I need one of these, but The Hermit. Not sure if I would have the space for it though, as I don't have much real estate to begin with. My jacket is almost completely full with only 6 small logo patches on the front and the back patch takes up the entire back. 😂

I'm anxiously awaiting mine to arrive in the mail. Mayhem, Darkthrone, Mercyful Fate, and Paradise Lost. But I sew by hand and on leather, no less. I like to make things difficult.

I need y'alls opinion about something. I'm (hopefully) going to have the chance to go to a show before the end of the year (depending on whatever covid does, obviously). I've been working on a battle jacket and I've already sewn on a sick Katatonia back patch that looks totally badass. I also have the old logo patch on the front. Now I've just recently purchased an old as hell Katatonia shirt I stumbled upon while perusing the internets that I really want to wear to the first show back since before freaking covid. Problem is, I don't want to come across as too much of a huge Katatonia fanboy (spoiler: anyone who's seen some of my other posts knows I am one). What are the "rules" about battle jackets/band shirts (if any???) I've never made a battle jacket before. Should I just say fuck it and wear whatever the fuck I want even if it's like half Katatonia and half every thing else? Lol. PS, the show is not Katatonia (most unfortunately).

I've noticed that when I have those types of dreams it's always right before I get killed that I'd wake up. I often had nightmares when I was growing up that my family members were trying to stab me to death or run me over with their car and it was always right at the part when I was about to die that I jerked awake. I actually had a dream like this recently, although I can't remember the details now. I just remember thinking I was about to die in the dream and then waking up very abruptly. Oh, your maze dream just reminded me of another weird recurring dream I've had recently. I'm always walking in a narrow hallway but it leads nowhere and all the doors are locked. Similarly, I sometimes dream that I'm climbing or descending stairs that lead nowhere and there is no end to them. I feel completely lost in my life, so I guess those dreams kind of make sense. It's better than dreaming about getting murdered, obviously, but they're still annoying as hell.

Oh, don't worry about saying too much personal stuff, I'm the queen of oversharing. 🤣

That's strange, sounds terrifying. I've had a lot of weird recurring dreams in my life. Many of them involve drowning. I used to have this dream almost every night for like two or three years that I was driving on this open stretch of road near the ocean, and then suddenly the road turned into the sea and I would just keep driving and drive into the ocean and drown. Many of these dreams are so realistic that I hold my breath in my sleep because I really believe I'm underwater and I wake up gasping. Holding my breath while asleep used to be a big problem for me, I would hold it so long that when I woke up my blood pressure was dangerously high. It scared me so much that I was afraid of sleeping. Dreams are wild sometimes.

I've been bored out of my mind thanks to the pandemic. I have a very morbid fascination so naturally a few weeks ago I started binge watching documentaries about serial killers and spending all day reading about them. No surprise the night before last I woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming that one of them was after me. 🤣 I just scrolled up and saw this. Apparently nightmares about serial killers isn't all that uncommon.

Right place at the right time, I guess. I've been very alone all my life. I've always felt like I can't relate to most people or like there is some sort of disconnect from me at a fundamental level. I often feel like I'm trapped in a glass box and the other people are on the side of the glass, and I can see them and they can see me, but I can't really pass through the glass to join them...I don't know if that makes sense, but I've read about other people who feel like this, too. I grew up in isolation and I've had to move around a lot ever since I was a kid, so it was very difficult to meet people and get close enough to them because I was never in a place for more than a few years. I've always been a drifter. The few times I felt like I was able to connect with someone, either they or I had to move away a year or so later and the relationship wasn't deep enough for them to maintain it despite my efforts. Right now I only have 2 or 3 acquaintances and none of them live nearby. Being alone so much, I filled my time with solitary pursuits, but as I've gotten older I realize that's just made me even more isolated. I feel very lonely all the time. But I've also had a lot of bad experiences with people so when I sometimes think of trying to make myself meet people, I remember those things and it makes me think that it's better to be alone... I haven't started reading this yet. Actually I'm not quite finished with Brave New World yet so I'm trying to finish that before I begin The Invisible Man.

@Strawberry If for some reason you prefer the perspective of another male on this subject, this guy makes some really good points. Perhaps you should take some time to scroll through the comment section and you'll find that several other women have experiences similar to mine. I do find it very interesting and a bit ironic that you're quick to shoot down my personal experiences as a female metal fan in a thread you created about sexism and women who like metal.

YES The Art of Drowning is excellent as well. They were so prolific from around 1997-2003. I love everything they did during that time before Interscope got ahold of them. Even their b-sides were incredible. That stuff is some of the most unique sounding music I've ever heard.

Today I went to the bookstore and picked up The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells and Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein. I've been on classic sci-fi kick since reading Brave New World. Not like a I really need to be adding anymore books to my list...

AFI - Black Sails in the Sunset This album was the gateway drug for me to get into heavier music, now well over half a lifetime ago. Prior to, I had no real interest in music, being just a clueless little pre-teen girl that listened to whatever the other girls at school were listening to or whatever was on the radio. First time I heard it I was done for, there was no going back haha. I still love the hell out of this record. Absolute top-notch Misfits-inspired pissed off melodic hardcore. I still experience such a cathartic rush when I listen to it.

Yes! It's a very shocking and eye-opening read, especially for me (since I'm an American...) and many of the things the government tried to lead us to believe post 9/11 were exaggerated or fabricated or half-truths, trying to justify their involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan and "the war on terror". I actually got to interview the author for my thesis via Twitter and Skype, which was awesome. At the time I remember him talking about a new book he was working on called Portable Happiness but to my knowledge it hasn't been published yet. I know that there have to be a lot of legal proceedings and such so that his work can be published. Guantanamo Diary was only allowed to be published if a lot of information about the US government and certain conditions at the prison were omitted because it's evidence of the US violating international human rights law (which for some reason they're allowed to do, just shows you how corrupt this country is and how money and power can let them side step the law when other, smaller or poorer countries would be punished), so you end up flipping through pages upon pages of redactions with footnotes from the guy who helped him publish it explaining what information was likely redacted since he'd done a ton of research about Guantanamo and the justice system. It always amuses me that I'm pretty much completely alone, I've never really had any friends and average people always accuse me of being "boring", yet I've gotten to meet and/or have conversations with several famous people and public figures over the years lol.

Thanks, I'm really not sure where I'm going to start, I want to read all of them at once because they all sound so interesting but that would be impossible lol. I really need to finish the books I'm reading now first, honestly. I have a really bad habit of starting books but hardly ever finishing them. The last book I read all the way through for the first time was Guantanamo Diary for a university seminar back in 2017 (which is excellent, by the way).

Thanks @FatherAlabaster