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FatherAlabaster

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FatherAlabaster Grand Master

FatherAlabaster

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No longer do you need to simply claim that you listen to "different music" that doesn't have "a wide appeal". This amazing tool will back you up with HARD DATA the next time you get in one of those vicious internet arguments about who is more tr00 - a way to actually PROVE that your tastes are weirder! Shut those pesky posers up for good! A few examples: "I listen to Slipknot!" - oh yeah? Who doesn't? The OBSCUROMETER proves that they are only 23.2% obscure! Might as well eat all your meals at McDonalds. The Obscurometer - Music Obscurity Calculator - Artist slipknot "Lamb Of God is awesome!" ...riiiight. You're doing a little better here, but the numbers are still against you - Lamb Of God is only 41.5% obscure. Try again. The Obscurometer - Music Obscurity Calculator - Artist lamb of god "Deicide fucking rules!" - nah kid. You might feel like they're bringing back the glory days of death metal, but the truth is, they're just a bunch of tired old men who have been doing this for way too long, and while they aren't at the bottom of the shit pile, neither are they at the top - the OBSCUROMETER has them pegged at 64.3%. The Obscurometer - Music Obscurity Calculator - Artist deicide "I only listen to Tsjuder!" - well, you're beginning to approach kvltiness, but this silly and derivative band won't take you all the way. They've only netted themselves a 77.1% obscurity score. The Obscurometer - Music Obscurity Calculator - Artist tsjuder Nope, if you want an A rather than a solid C, you're going to have to dig deeper. Local and/or unsigned acts are the way to go. In this vein, I could easily recommend my own music: Black Harvest, a band you've never heard of! Through years without live shows and a relentless lack of self-promotion, I've managed to achieve a stunning 94.9% obscurity rating. The Obscurometer - Music Obscurity Calculator - Artist black harvest But for the fan of truly unique and unknown metal, this very forum has another gem to offer. Tr00-Kvltheadz, I give you Nevertanezra! Not to be outdone, their diligence has gotten them a truly breathtaking 98.1% on the OBSCUROMETER. Only 1.9% of bands will go farther towards proving your worth. The Obscurometer - Music Obscurity Calculator - Artist Nevertanezra Fellow metal fans, this site is an invaluable resource. You never need to lose another argument. Whenever you're online, you can defeat your foes with REAL NUMBERS, developed using the only metric that really matters: OBSCURITY. :D

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FatherAlabaster Grand Master

FatherAlabaster

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Forge and that side project Lack (Svalbard - not the guys from Copenhagen) are amazing - they only had a gas-powered generator at their cabin in the woods, and they had to run all the recording gear off of that, and they didn't have any microphones. That's how they got their amazing tone on the split recording - no microphones, they just played loud enough that the tape would pick it up anyway.

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FatherAlabaster Grand Master

FatherAlabaster

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While the battle of words rages outside on the cold, howling plains of Intarwebz, those of us in the sanctum have already consulted our divine oracle, and the battle for greater moral rectitude and musical worth has been won decisively. Deicide remains at a stagnant and intrinsically beige 64.3% obscurity level despite all of the recent press; meanwhile, their bitter enemies in Broken Hope have rocketed past them to a mind-boggling 20+ point victory. That's right, o unbeliever: Broken Hope are 85% obscure. A handy win. One might almost say a landslide. One would have a hard time seeing this as anything other than a foregone conclusion. It is incumbent upon those of us who share in this sacred knowledge to spread it far and wide. Tell the good news to your neighbors, my brothers and sisters in obscurity. Broken Hope has the full force of the OBSCUROMETER on their side. Only time will tell whether their numbers go up, as they sink deeper and deeper into the depths of obscurity - and into our hearts.

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