thrashinbiker
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Posts posted by thrashinbiker
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16 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:
Nothing is off topic here!
I made some muesli bars, so not really cooking. But I've also pre-cooked some chicken for a chicken spaghetti bake for tonight dinner. I'm also preparing a ham which is supposed to be for christmas but chances are it wont make it.
Haha good to hear man - I don't like to go off topic in case I get in trouble 😮
But yeah man, "cooking" doesn't have to involve heat, if you are making muesli bars then all good. Jeez though, a ham? I take medication that (inadvertently) suppresses my appetite but the thought of a good ham is making me hungry! Happy to sample a bit to umm... make sure its suitable if you want some quality control
I'm a carer for my parents, which is fine, but I have got a nice piece of beef and a leg of lamb for Christmas dinner, along with a small piece of turkey (my dad always likes turkey for Christmas dinner even though he doesn't have a big appetite).
Christmas Eve I will be making shortbread (my aunt and uncle who live next door and my cousin who lives opposite ALWAYS want my shortbread) and mince pies (I don't eat them but the family love them) so my day is pretty much planned. I don't mind, though, I will throw some Slayer on and get to work - it's a usual (metal) Christmas Eve LOLOLOL.
5 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:I’m in charge of the Christmas dinner this year, so I’ll be doing a practice run at some point this week. Duck fat roasted potatoes, sweet potato, pumpkin, some honey roasted carrotts, i’ll probably caramelised some onions as well. Then the estimate, the usual suspects Christmas ham, a couple of beef, briskets, a couple roast chickens, so stuffing, those with lemon, garlic, rosemary, dill,thyme, a little bit of paprika, and every chefs, favourite ingredient… Butter. Plus a mushroom jus because mushrooms and chicken go together like Thrash and headbanging.
NP: Mortal Sin - Mayhemic Destruction
Fuuuuuuuck this has definitely made me hungry now. Jeez man, stop tempting me to EAT, dammit! I am gonna have to go and get some food now!!
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34 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:
Providing you were the only one that could do it, taking a flying dump on people you don't like would be satisfying. If everyone could do it then most of us would never go outside!
Oh yeah, it would have to be an individual special power. Like, if everyone was given one wish most people would be all "Oh, I want to remain forever young", or "I want to be able to read people's minds".
We are all "You know, I want to be able to take a shit on anyone I choose, from a great height, any time I want."
Happy days!
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Well, you will all be doubtless pleased to know I made it out of the 80s alive (though it will pull me back time and again, for sure).
I have had a couple of beers and a whisky so I thought I would go (relatively) modern...
50 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:I've been cooking all morning and it's way to far from bed time to be thinking about sleep 😢
Inhuman Condition - Panic Prayer
Slightly off topic, but what are you cooking, man? I used to be a chef so this shit interests me, LOLOLOL
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22 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:
there is so much music out there. I dig the absolute hell out of, but very few songs I can honestly say give me chills every time I hear them. Yes, it is high time I run through the shortlist…
Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath
allow me to set the scene, it’s 2002, I’m 12 years old living on a musical diet of boy bands and whatever the hell else gets played on the radio. We swing by my godparents place, and my older cousin starts talking music, I say something to the effect of, I don’t get how anyone can actually be interested in music it’s just so boring… Five minutes later in what can only be described as his dad‘s man cave, he commandeers the stereo, hooked up with way too many speakers, And simply says this will change your mind..and simply says this will change your mind. The opening riff kicks in, and to this day I get goosebumps whenever I hear it.There is so much music out there. I dig the absolute hell out of, but very few songs I can honestly say give me chills every time I hear them. Yes, it is high time I run through the shortlist…
I love this, brother. It's exactly the same as the situation I described above with my Uncle. I was like, what's all the fuss over this music shite? It's hardly interesting. Then DOOF! like a brick to the face you are hit with something that changes your life forever.
Great times, man. I wish I could go back and relive that moment when I heard those guitars and those screaming vocals and thought to myself, fuck, fuck, fuck yeah, THIS is my party!
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9 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:
I'm sure the myth has been busted as much as it's been proven these days but there has been studies done over the years that do claim red cars get bombed more often than other colours. Of course if you park under a massive tree that birds nest in I'm fairly sure it wont make any difference what the colour is.
Oh yeah, trees are just an invite for a poop as far as birds are concerned
Not that I have ever really given it major consideration, but I suppose there is a certain liberation in just being able to fly about and take a dump at will, whatever happens to be below you at the time
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1 hour ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:
Altar of Sacrifice/Jesus Saves which run together on the album with no real pause in between, have always been my favorite track(s) on what I consider to be the best metal album of the 80's. And it doesn't even need a go faster button.
Sacrilege really to stop and reflect in between songs on that album which is like a metal symphony with perfect flow, and needs to be played straight through front to back without interruption. But I guess once you own the record you're free to play it any way you want.
Oh yeah man I always listen to the whole album anyway, I only separated out AoS because it fit the story I was telling. You may think I am a tit, but I generally don't pick individual songs out to listen to, if I am in the mood I will just put the whole album on and savour the songs I am in the mood to rock out to at the time.
You think RIB is the best metal album of the 80s? Fuuuuck man I am right there with you. If you read my long ass post you will know it is the first metal album I listened to, so perhaps my bias is showing, but every fucking second of that album is gold to me. Whatever mood I am in, playing that album has absolutely never, ever failed to improve my feelgood factor.
I probably listen to it way too much, but it just ticks every box for me.
EDIT - And just to clarify, the stopping between songs was a totally one-off thing. It was my first foray into metal and I listened to the whole album without stopping the first time. I only stopped between songs after that to kind of draw breath and reflect on a genre I had zero experience of prior to that day. From that point to this, I always listen to a whole album non-stop, even if I decide I am not a fan after the first song. I'm always prepared to give something a fair shot, bear in mind I was very young at the time and metal was like a fucking crazy thing I had never heard of until then.
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1 hour ago, AlSymerz said:
Go fastie buttons pretty much just add more fuel to the engine. In some cars it changes some of the engine parameters but it's really only there to make people think their toy car is closer to a sports car. Even my 4wd has that kind of switching from the gear stick and it's got the aerodynamics of a 3 tonne brick.
Anyone who knows cars knows the only tried and tested way to make a car go faster is to paint it red. Of course the pay off there is that birds crap on red cars more than they do any other colour.
Same with bikes, man. The red ones instantly gain an extra 20 bhp the moment the paint job is finished.
Funny you mention about bird shit, my first bike was my trusty Yammy FJ1200 - predominantly white fairings and tank etc., and I swear down, I NEVER once had to wipe bird shit off it, even when it was parked in the open. And I rode that bike for like six YEARS.
As mentioned previously, I currently have a semi long-term loaner bike, a bandit 1200, in black and I've had it a mere few weeks and TWICE I have had to clean birdie poop off the tail and the seat. It's like they see black (and presumably red) as an open (arse) invitation to release a much needed dump.
I mean, we've all gotta shit, but I ride in armoured jeans for safety, if it's not my own shit, it's sure as hell not coming along for the ride!
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Well fuck, I accidentally walked past a bottle of my whisky and it just begged to be opened so I just had to pour a glass and pop on some easy to listen to melodic shit to help me off into the land of bobo's a bit later...
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1 hour ago, AlSymerz said:
Should have run the tank over the Astra!
Ah man that's a bit harsh, it has a special go faster button and everything!
I wish my bike had that.
Oh wait, it does. It's called shifting to second 🤣
1 hour ago, Arioch said:I translate everything with deePL.
But I often try to read before translating, to see if what I've understood matches what the translation gives me.
That's great man. Fortunately the one thing we can rely on is the fact that the language of metal is universal
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Music that shivers me timbers! What a GREAT thread.
I apologise now, I have spent a bit of time writing this out and it may be too long for some people's tastes, but for those who like a bit of history about a stranger on the internet, I hope you enjoy it.
I'm starting off with a bit of an unusual one, here, but hear me out.
Judy Collins - Send In The Clowns
Despite thinking of myself as a metalhead through and through, I have always appreciated dipping my toes into the waters of other genres, and musicals are no exception. The musical this song is from is "A Little Night Music", by Stephen Sondheim. Not a particularly famous musical, though this song undoubtedly is. Every man, woman and their dog has covered it over the years, but no one, no one beats Judy Collins.
The song is sung from the point of view of Desiree, an actress who had a brief affair with a lawyer (Frederik) and, after he proposes to her, she turns him down and he scuttles off to lick his wounds. Many years later, Desiree realises that she really does want Frederik and is ready to make a commitment to him. She rushes off to find him and declare her undying love... only to find that he has taken up with a younger lady and is committed to her.
As Desiree is an actress, the song uses some theatrical references, but is very easy to follow. I have honestly never heard a singer so beautifully and accurately portray irony through vocals. The song is melancholy, full of regret, a dark, ironic humour that sometimes, when that moment comes along where you finally decide you desire something so passionately, is the very moment it becomes out of reach.
Golden moment - Desiree realises that sending in the clowns is unnecessary, she and Frederik are the clowns due to the poor decisions they made and their overwhelming regrets. "Where are the clowns? Send in the clowns... don't bother, they're here."
Spine tingling moment (1:22), having finally realised what she wanted after all this time, Desiree finds that Frederik has moved on with his life and has another girl. Collins sings so beautifully and with such a resignation that despite it being largely of her own making, she is destined to end up alone.
"Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
making my entrance again, with my usual flair,
sure of my lines... no one is there."And now for something... completely expected since this is a metal forum.
As the end of the 1980s rolled around and we hit the 90's, I was 10-11 years old and still largely finding my feet in terms of music. As a kid in the 80s, I listened to the usual synth pop that littered the charts and would happily sing along to the classics, but I never did have that passion where I came home from school and just HAD to put on THIS album or THAT song. Music was largely background for me in those days and while I enjoyed it, it definitely wasn't a central part of my life.
It could have been that it stayed that way the rest of my life, except a chance visit from my (now sadly passed) Uncle Jeff (the black sheep of the family LOL a mantle I have more than happily placed onto my own shoulders) around 1989-90 set me on a course that would ultimately change my life.
To give just a little background, Jeff was much younger than my dad and my aunt, his brother and sister, as he was "unplanned". He was around 30 at the time of this visit, and while I had seen him on the odd occasion previously, I hadn't really had much to do with him. He certainly wasn't neglected, but given his siblings were much older than him and that my grandparents hadn't particularly wanted another child, I later came to understand that if not on a practical level, he was neglected somewhat emotionally. An accident (not his fault) at work left him with a decent enough payoff (not life changing money, but a fair amount) so he only had to work part time doing "here and there" jobs, and he rented an old farmhouse (what he referred to as "The Hovel") out in the country and lived a largely solitary life, where he discovered metal and went to gigs and picked up the odd girl or two for company now and then. Despite not being a working farm, he received a reduction in the already very reasonable rent for occasionally checking some of the outbuildings where some machinery and other bits and pieces were stored. He had plenty of space for his cars and bikes and, while shabby, the house was warm and, to his credit, kept clean and mostly tidy. He could also play his music as loudly as he wanted and there was no one within a couple of miles to hear.
Despite the age difference, Jeff was one of those guys who just radiated effortless cool. He had long hair, a beard and wore black jeans, metal tees, lumberjack shirts and a denim jacket. I forget the reason for his visit, given it was so long ago, but I was the only one in the house at the time and I invited him in and made him a drink. Conversation was a bit stilted (like I said, we hadn't really spoken) and he asked me a bit about music, and I told him I didn't really have a favourite band or bands, and asked him what he liked. He grinned and told me to hang on for a minute.
He went out to his car (he was a keen biker and car enthusiast and he had brought his rather tasty 1981 Trans-Am Turbo). I didn't (and still don't) know much about cars, but of course, I had seen Smokey and The Bandit, so I recognised it as being undoubtedly cool. He brought in some tapes and told me to give them a listen on my Walkman later, but not to let my Mum and Dad see them, haha.
The tapes? Well, they were Slayer's Hell Awaits and Reign in Blood and Metallica's Master of Puppets. He also brought in some magazines (Metal Hammer and Kerrang!, if memory serves) and said if I liked the music, to give them a read.
Later on, I popped a tape into my Walkman (chosen at random, Reign in Blood) and fuck me! I was blown away by a type of music I had never heard before. Listening to Tom screaming through "Angel of Death" and hearing those thrashing guitars was a fucking sensory overload, but one I really, really enjoyed! I lay on my bed and tried to focus on the lyrics as I was assaulted by fast beats, fast guitars and the snarling vocals. In no time at all I reached the end of side 2 and couldn't believe the 28 (and a half!) minutes I had just experienced. Despite being young at the time, I felt something with that music. Socially awkward and pretty much an outcast at school, it felt as if I had found my music. I don't want to peddle clichés, especially to you guys, but I was like fuck me, man, THIS is where it's at. I'm fucking home.
I listened to RIB twice more, stopping in between each song to ruminate on what I had just heard. Even now, thirty-five years later, I still remember being particularly animated during:
Slayer - Altar of Sacrifice
Even to this day, I can't fully explain why this song stood out to me, but man, it was fucking life changing. I can attest that growling "enter to the realm of SAAAAATAN!" at the table when out for a family meal can definitely get you some strange looks. But hey, I was obviously non-conformist from an early age.
I listened to all of the tapes and loved every second. As the years passed, Jeff and I became great friends and I devoured the magazines, awestruck by those guys who had become my heroes and how they looked so cool. I grew my hair and saved every penny I had (and what I earned through doing little jobs for neighbours) to buy more tapes (later CD's) and it was a proud fucking moment when I was round the age of 14 and went into town to the army store and bought my first pair of German para boots. They were size 13 and despite being a tall dude (I'm 6'7" now, though I wasn't then!) and having big feet for my age, I still had to wear several pairs of boot socks to stop me tripping over them. I did grow into them a couple of years later, however, and remain a size 13 to this day.
I fucking loved those boots, man. My entire wardrobe consisted of several pairs of black jeans, metal tees and those boots. I grew closer to Jeff, and I thank him in my heart every day for introducing me to the greatest music I have ever heard. On my fifteenth birthday, I went to stay with him, and he presented me with (nearly) every metalheads desire - the much-revered leather jacket. It was a TT leathers cafe racer style (picture attached below for context, though my jacket was bigger as I was a big dude even then) and MAN, I wore that fucking thing to DEATH. Summer, winter, rain, snow or shine, I had that jacket on. Clothes do not maketh the man and they certainly don't make a metalhead, but for the first time in my life I felt I belonged... somewhere.
During this time my catalogue of music grew considerable (again, thanks to Jeff and to reading the magazines to discover what I might like the sound of) and I considered each purchase carefully (of course, you couldn't just grab practically anything you wanted from the net in those days, so each bit of money spent had to be carefully thought out) and I made some great buys (along with some duds, as we all probably did in those days!).
During the course of that year, as I went from 15 to 16, Jeff taught me how to ride a motorbike. On the farm, there was a massive piece of concreted land that (I think) had previously been used to park farm vehicles and lorries which took the produce from farm to supplier. Either way, it was great to have the freedom to ride around without worry of law enforcement and just goof off.
And so, in me, a biker was born. That said, I have never been the type of biker to be dismissive of my four-wheel driving compadres. Jeff still had his Trans-Am and another car, the make of which escapes me right now, and I was the only other person he allowed drive his pride and joy. What teenager DOESN'T get a kick out of doing burnouts, handbrake (e-brake in this case) turns and reverse 180's (J turns) in a fucking Trans-Am with thrash blasting from the tape deck? Fuck, I laid down some rubber in that old beast and despite being a biker rather than a car enthusiast, those nights of thrash and smoking tyres are some of the best of my life.
One song I particularly liked laying down some tread to was:
Metallica - Master of Puppets
I can't explain why, it just made my right foot heavy
I spent a lot of time with Jeff in the 1990s, and was devastated when he passed away, suddenly, in 2000. His injury from that accident apparently caused some complications that weren't fully known about at the time and he collapsed, suddenly. Fortunately, he wouldn't have felt a thing.
Black sheep, metalhead, largely left to his own devices by society, Jeff's time on this earth is possibly the richest of any person I have ever known. The musical education he gave me, the endless fun times of smoking tyres, smoking metal and smoking a few joints are my absolute fondest. Rest in fucking peace, Jeff!
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I enjoyed writing that and I hope it gave you a laugh or two.
Phil aka thrashinbiker \m/ fuck yeah \m/
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52 minutes ago, Arioch said:
It's great to have different opinions and tastes. It encourages exchange and discussion.
I must admit that I also use the forum to improve my English. But I'm a complete moron: I have trouble remembering words I don't know. I hope to improve one day 😜
I love a good debate, but then I just love shooting the shit about music and anything interesting.
If I may ask, do you find the forum helps with your English? Obviously I don't know how much you are translating or not, but put it this way, I have not had any trouble whatsoever picking up the meaning from your words my man 🤘
24 minutes ago, MacabreEternal said:It was a lot easier than I thought it would be in all honesty, even the reverse park at the end. Got a couple of laps sitting upright out of the tank and then one prone inside it as if in conflict with the hatch closed which was mental. The missus was up in the turret firing giant paintballs which helped her stress levels no end.
Man this sounds right up my fucking street! I can just envisage myself driving it through the town, Slayer blasting out and firing massive fireballs at everything.
NOTE: Probably not a good idea to let me get my paws on a tank.
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A bit of easy listening to help my dinner digest...
Destruction - Infernal Overkill (1985)
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1 hour ago, MacabreEternal said:
I have been to the distillery and done the tour many moons ago and it was a decent afternoon out from memory. Thought it was the same weekend we stayed in a yurt and I got to drive a tank but that was a completely different year in Leicestershire not Norfolk where the EWC are.
The EWC tour was not as manufactured an experience as the Edinburgh one at the top of the Royal Mile - which I still have done twice regardless. I drink less nowadays though so my interest has waned. I also drive less tanks.
Jeez there I go thinking I'm the forums badass biker dude and some bugger always has to one-up me - this time with a tank LOLOL
Seriously, though, that must have been fucking awesome and I would love to have a go!
2 hours ago, Arioch said:Forums have gone out of fashion, replaced by social networks, but I'm really happy to have been here for 1 1/2 years now. Every day I read what others are listening to and I do the same.
It often allows me to discover artists I didn't even know existed, but it also gives me a chance to talk about a wide range of subjects in a relaxed atmosphere.
I once knew a French forum whose name I won't mention because it's not worth mentioning. There, there were people calling each other by their first name in the discussions, which immediately put a barrier between the 'regulars' and the newbies, a distance.
But they thought they were aesthetes, fine connoisseurs, and would tell you to piss off if you ever had the misfortune not to say what they said. Complete morons.
Here, I'm fine, even if I'm a dick in English and have to go through deePL to express myself.
That's great to hear Arioch! I think I will like it very much, too.
That other forum sounds like exactly the issue I have had in the past. Too many cliques and being ostracised if you dare say you are not a huge fan of this album or that band, when they are seemingly the be all and end all of other members. I feel really welcomed here by you guys, which is cool as I am generally quite a socially awkward person, so I am genuinely appreciative of the reception I've received.
And I assure you, even if you absolutely loathe an album/band/song I adore, I will never insult you for it. I will disagree, but it will be with respect along with a bit of tongue in cheek humour. Also, nothing wrong with using a translator. I used to be able to speak a bit of French and quite fluent German back in the day, but they are long since forgotten now. I never should have let it slide.
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Still lost in the eighties... Caught in a Mosh is guaranteed to give me neck ache, but that's what opiates are for - thanks Doc!
Anthrax - Among the Living
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9 minutes ago, Arioch said:
Hi and welcome home !
Cheers, man! Seems to be some good people here. I joined years ago and then forgot about the place. I have tended to shy away from forums for a good few years. I love a good debate and joke as much as the next guy, but wading through pages of drama and slanging matches because x band sold out after this album and y band haven't put out anything decent since 1992 kind of grates a little.
This, however, seems the perfect place to sink into a battered old comfy armchair, lash on some thrash and have a light snooze while quaffing a whisky or two
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Supposed to be working but keep getting lost in the mists of nostalgia
Corrosion of Conformity - Animosity
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4 hours ago, MacabreEternal said:
Mine does the job. Not into my cars, just got it because it gets me from a to b and I have the luxury of owning it outright. There’s some fuckwittery going on in that it is only classed as a 1.1 litre but has a turbo in it so drives like a 1.6 and there’s also a “sport” button that for some reason means it can go even faster if I push it.
You sir need to visit the English Whisky Company. Everything else in England is shit though.
I do like the sound of a nice turbo, though, and a special go faster button? Oof! It's cool though, if it's just a means of transport. I will be honest, sometimes I think it would be nice to just be able to get into a car and go somewhere without having to put the bike gear on and stuff, but I don't feel like that often.
You are right regarding the English Whisky Company. They do some absolutely quality gear. I've got a bottle of The English Single Malt that I have a tot of now and then. Goes down extremely well when listening to some metal and is always hard to resist a second glass (so sometimes, I don't resist)
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6 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:
Most Uber eats and stuff I see here are in cars but the thing that really kills me is the Domino Pizza riders here. Not sure how they do it in other countries but here we have this people on little fucking mopeds, ringing the absolute neck out of the elastic band engine just to hit half the speed limit. But they've got these massive boxes on the back. Not just a box a foot high to fit a few pizzas in these fools have boxes nearly as high as the riders head. The bikes look so unstable going around the corner you just hope the damn things can stay on their wheels.
Pretty much the same here, though most fast food deliveries are on mopeds as opposed to just Domino's. I mean jeez, I know those things aren't exactly fuel hungry, but even so, given the cost of petrol I do wonder just how profitable that kind of job is.
In fairness to them, I would never take the piss out of them, being on a "big bike" when they aren't, but when some of them give me the finger or a shitty look, I can't help but give a spin of the back tyre just to show them who is boss. I feel kind of bad afterwards, but if I was in a Micra and some dude in a Ferrari, I wouldn't try to take him on, if you get my drift.
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13 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:
The problem is that the upper echelon don't get the enjoyment of a fart as the rest of us do.
Yeah that is definitely true for the most part, but you do get the occasional rebel who will totally get the whole fart thing, they just don't want to be seen within their circle to laugh at a good buttock wobbling toot.
Its all about perception. People see me for what I am (a 6' 7" biker (2 metres if you prefer the metric)) and act shocked when I tell them that only a culinary dilettante would put spinach rather than watercress on the classic breakfast offering that is Eggs Benedict, but here we are.
You will appreciate that it is little wonder that the human race is frequently a source of disappointment. -
9 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:
Oh there's definitely judgement on bikes. We're not silly enough to judge those "spectacular tattooed fuckwits" that wear 1% badges...at least not where they can hear us because that would be fucking silly. But we do judge every other Harley rider based on whether on not they are going through a mid life crisis, end of life crisis, or too dumb to have a crisis.
Oh yeah but less so than in the car world, I think. I've ridden a HD once in my life and it was kind of cool, but not for me. I prefer something with a bit of immediate grunt and just having a fun ride. I'm really enjoying the Bandit right now, its a forgiving bike, easy to keep rubber side down and it has enough on the throttle to scare the shit out of Uber Eats riders on mopeds when you are revving the fuck out of it waiting for the light to turn green.
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1 hour ago, AlSymerz said:
Back in the late 80's and 90's we did the Hells Angles and Comancheros yearly bashes. One was held in Nov/Dec the other in Feb. Four days of music, food, booze, entertainment and never ask any questions. They'd drink anywhere, they'd eat anywhere, they'd fuck anywhere, and they'd shit anywhere. You didn't want to fear the follow through but by geez you fucking did your best not to be close to one or be the one delivering.
I love the Hells Angles. If you can get past their obtuse and often right way of looking at things you have friends for life.
1 hour ago, AlSymerz said:It's even better these days because we go out for Christmas lunch. The only places around here that are open for Christmas lunch charge a fortune and therefore tend to get quite a few of the upper echelon snobs. We don't make a public scene about farts, and we don't talk loudly, but it's amazing how many people can hear a conversation about farts at a table in a room full of people. It's like they are deliberately eaves dropping on what others are talking about and not the people at their own table.
The universal language of breaking wind transcends even the most polished, affected and elite forms of snobbery. Silk, satin, denim or leather, there is nothing that shows total and utter complete uniformity than finding the subject of farts anything less than highly engaging and amusing. If I haven't felt relaxed enough to fart in either an establishment or private residence, you can be sure there is no such thing as a second visit. If I cannot feel satisfied in providing an anal symphony to a sympathetic (and amused) ear, then I will not be frequenting that joint ever again.
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44 minutes ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:
Lots of Scousers drive Astras, they're made right across the river there in Ellesmere Port, Cheshire.
Aussies don't want to make their own cars anymore so your mob have to drive Toyotas, Mazdas and Mitsubishis. Unless you're one of the special ones who understand the difference between England, Ireland, Wales and Scotland, then you get to drive an electric Beemer.
Across the river? You mean in the dark, unforgiving, hostile territory that is The Wirral and beyond? Fuck!
See, this is why being a biker is so much easier and subjects you to no vehicular judgement whatsoever. As long as you don't ride anything Chinese you are accepted into the biker brotherhood. And even riding a Chinese bike is forgiven if you can manage to do a burnout till the back tyre pops and then you set fire to the whole sorry mess and pass the smokes round. Of course, you need to ride pilly or get a taxi home but even that is socially acceptable on this single occasion. -
23 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:
A fart should be celebrated. The farter should be proud of their vapour. The surrounding group should congratulate the farter on a job well done, possibly even rank it....unless there is a follow through, then it's every man for themselves clearing the room.
Never has a statement on the internet resonated so much. Though to be fair, if you have attended as many biker rallies as I have, you will have learned not to even be scared of the follow-through, merely to give a mark out of 10 for stain length, width and accompanying aroma.
25 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:The Christmas dinner table is where my family discusses farts. Without fail, every year, and it annoys the hell out of my mother. Sometimes such discussion happens at other times of the year but the Christmas dinner fart conversation goes for longer and has much better detail.
This is perfect. Beyond perfect, even. If you would like to enhance your familial discussion with practical demonstrations I am available, and the fee will be a modest few pigs in blankets and a few drinks.
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27 minutes ago, AlSymerz said:
I'm lucky if I can get all the words I want on the page without typos.
I'd like to blame all the silly things I post on bad typing too but no one would believe me.
Despite my blackened heart, my tortured soul, and my propensity to generally despise people, even I am occasionally moved to an act of kindness, particularly when it follows an unprecedentedly satisfying poo.
So, Al, I solemnly promise, from this moment forward, to always believe that anything silly you post REALLY IS due to accidental bad typing, whatever evidence may point to the contrary.
What Are You Listening To?
in Forum Games
Posted
Haha man you made me proper LOL, there.
Certain circumstances, you have to bake pastry "blind" as it is so called. Would that make it a blind, blind tasting? We need answers to these difficult questions. I mean fuck, I have the IQ of a discarded piece of knob cheese. This shit is way above my intelligence grade.
I mean, you could ask me what the solution is to ending world hunger and I would say 'feeding the hungry people', I am that fucking thick.
Oh yeah despite bring British, we have had a ham for Christmas as long as I can remember, even though it's not typically a "thing" in the UK. Personally, I like doing a ham coated in Canadian A grade maple syrup - it makes great sandwiches post Christmas dinner!
My cousin (who is a self-confessed hopeless cook) loves a ham done with balsamic vinegar and extra, extra, extra strong mature cheddar cheese, slow cooked, so I usually do that for her and deliver it Christmas morning. Since we moved in 2019, I now live in the house opposite to her on the street, so I can literally pop over in a flash and deliver the goods in a second LOL