What's on your mind?

[GoatmasterGeneral]

I can tell you though that I've met people on online forums that I've met in real life and then gone onto be good friends with for years. Although it is mostly through text as we don't all live near enough to see each other regularly. But it is possible, and it does happen. 

Although I'm sure it must be tough for some people having zero real life friends locally. I have 2 good friends locally as well as a sister and I don't see them all the time which is fine, but I see them enough, and it's good to know they're there. I just can't really talk about metal with them in any depth, which is why I come here. I think I'd be lost if I didn't have a metal-centric forum as an outlet.

[navybsn]

I've found over the years that it's good to have a few close friends with varied interests and a wider circle of acquaintances that you interact with for various interests. I'm lucky to have good friends that are into metal, but I only get to see them rarely (maybe 2-3 times a year). Others I may have certain things I engage with them on like an activity (golf or fishing buddies) or an interest (work). I like these people, but I'm not really interested in knowing the ins and outs of their lives. Honestly, the "metal" friends I am much closer too simply because they are some of the most open, accepting people I've ever met. Social media came along when I was almost 30. I have accounts, but don't engage except on rare occasions and only very briefly. I don't see much useful value in it other than a time waster other than a way to find out about upcoming shows/events.

I never actively seek to make friends and could be perfectly fine without anyone to share with outside of my wife, but it just happens organically over time. I'm almost 50, so lots of people move through your life in that time. I can't even remember half the people I hung out with 25-30 years ago. Probably won't remember half of the people now in 25 years. Such is life. People/things come and go. As I always used to tell my daughter as a kid "just be yourself and happy with that". It's the only way to be satisfied in life.

And congrats @schwermetallschatz666

[SurgicalBrute]

I've mentioned this before, but I've found the biggest issue with social media is its tendency to just create echo chambers. While that isn't in and of itself, terrible, I think too often it creates a distorted view of the world we live in.  I mean, there's a reason the phrase "touch grass" caught on in recent years.

[schwermetallschatz666]

32 minutes ago, navybsn said:

I've found over the years that it's good to have a few close friends with varied interests and a wider circle of acquaintances that you interact with for various interests. I'm lucky to have good friends that are into metal, but I only get to see them rarely (maybe 2-3 times a year). Others I may have certain things I engage with them on like an activity (golf or fishing buddies) or an interest (work). I like these people, but I'm not really interested in knowing the ins and outs of their lives. Honestly, the "metal" friends I am much closer too simply because they are some of the most open, accepting people I've ever met. Social media came along when I was almost 30. I have accounts, but don't engage except on rare occasions and only very briefly. I don't see much useful value in it other than a time waster other than a way to find out about upcoming shows/events.

I never actively seek to make friends and could be perfectly fine without anyone to share with outside of my wife, but it just happens organically over time. I'm almost 50, so lots of people move through your life in that time. I can't even remember half the people I hung out with 25-30 years ago. Probably won't remember half of the people now in 25 years. Such is life. People/things come and go. As I always used to tell my daughter as a kid "just be yourself and happy with that". It's the only way to be satisfied in life.

And congrats @schwermetallschatz666

thank you  

 

i don't have family so i just hoped one day i'd find my people. maybe i still will but it seems pretty futile lol 

11 minutes ago, SurgicalBrute said:

I've mentioned this before, but I've found the biggest issue with social media is its tendency to just create echo chambers. While that isn't in and of itself, terrible, I think too often it creates a distorted view of the world we live in.  I mean, there's a reason the phrase "touch grass" caught on in recent years.

things were already complicated enough for me before, i don't need the extra layer of reality to wade through ty no ty

 

[navybsn]

18 minutes ago, schwermetallschatz666 said:

thank you  

 

i don't have family so i just hoped one day i'd find my people. maybe i still will but it seems pretty futile lol 

things were already complicated enough for me before, i don't need the extra layer of reality to wade through ty no ty

 

You will, just not likely through a computer or phone screen. Like Surge said above, just get out there and interact with the world. Touch grass as he mentioned. Surprising things happen when you put yourself out there. You find most people feel the same way you do. 

[schwermetallschatz666]

18 minutes ago, navybsn said:

You will, just not likely through a computer or phone screen. Like Surge said above, just get out there and interact with the world. Touch grass as he mentioned. Surprising things happen when you put yourself out there. You find most people feel the same way you do. 

Ahh if that were easy for me I likely wouldn't be here. Things are always changing maybe opportunities will open up soon. 

[SurgicalBrute]

I think most of us understand that it's damn hard to put yourself out there...especially if you're an introvert by nature. Hell, even now, I know how much I still hate going into new situations with new people. It sounds like you're in school though, so in a lot ways that works to your advantage. You can commiserate about shitty teachers, shitty assignments, whatever...and if a conversation goes weird, hey...chances are you won't see them again next semester, so who gives a shit what they think. Cliche as it might be, that's the part to remember...it doesn't matter what others think about you. There's always new people to meet

[FatherAlabaster]

48 minutes ago, schwermetallschatz666 said:

Ahh if that were easy for me I likely wouldn't be here. Things are always changing maybe opportunities will open up soon. 

Maybe once you get a bit of practice in on guitar, you can find someone to jam with or join up with a group. You don't need to be an amazing player to get through a few songs and have a great time doing it. Playing music and making art have opened the doors to almost all of my adult friendships.

[schwermetallschatz666]

9 minutes ago, SurgicalBrute said:

I think most of us understand that it's damn hard to put yourself out there...especially if you're an introvert by nature. Hell, even now, I know how much I still hate going into new situations with new people. It sounds like you're in school though, so in a lot ways that works to your advantage. You can commiserate about shitty teachers, shitty assignments, whatever...and if a conversation goes weird, hey...chances are you won't see them again next semester, so who gives a shit what they think. Cliche as it might be, that's the part to remember...it doesn't matter what others think about you. There's always new people to meet

Online school lol and the social aspects of the classes do not appeal to me at all. I am impossible to deal with and a complete brat about my habits. I have done this to myself hahaha thankfully my anxiety is not rooted in caring what other people are thinking. 

7 minutes ago, FatherAlabaster said:

Maybe once you get a bit of practice in on guitar, you can find someone to jam with or join up with a group. You don't need to be an amazing player to get through a few songs and have a great time doing it. Playing music and making art have opened the doors to almost all of my adult friendships.

i was just thinking earlier that i did connect with a few good people when i was younger through the little exposure i had to music. ptsd messing with my memory has made it hard to remember things "that truly bring me pleasure", as my therapist reminded me is a necessary thing. 

[navybsn]

My daughter, who is now 24 and married, went through a lot of the same things you're mentioning more recently than I did. Of course, I had all of the same anxieties, we all did, but I use her as she is more generationally similar to you than I am. She used to watch a lot of old movies and idolized many of those classic stars along with her all-time favorite David Bowie. They were so cool. How can I be that cool dad? I'm worried that people won't like me, will make fun of me... Simply put, those people didn't give a shit what anyone else thought of them. That's what most adults figure out at some point in their lives, that it doesn't matter. Thinking along those lines is just a source of anxiety, and it is a great relief when you can just let that go.

[schwermetallschatz666]

1 minute ago, navybsn said:

My daughter, who is now 24 and married, went through a lot of the same things you're mentioning more recently than I did. Of course, I had all of the same anxieties, we all did, but I use her as she is more generationally similar to you than I am. She used to watch a lot of old movies and idolized many of those classic stars along with her all-time favorite David Bowie. They were so cool. How can I be that cool dad? I'm worried that people won't like me, will make fun of me... Simply put, those people didn't give a shit what anyone else thought of them. That's what most adults figure out at some point in their lives, that it doesn't matter. Thinking along those lines is just a source of anxiety, and it is a great relief when you can just let that go.

I don't really care about what other people think so much. I just have PTSD and don't feel authentic in who I am because I was taught it was wrong for such a long time. And not just wrong but inherently bad, and evil. I knew they were wrong but it fucks with your head. I was told I would never belong so now I don't. 

I have actually never had a hard time meeting people when I actually go out and do things, but the anxiety is in the going and the doing, not the people. 

[RelentlessOblivion]

1 hour ago, schwermetallschatz666 said:

I don't really care about what other people think so much. I just have PTSD and don't feel authentic in who I am because I was taught it was wrong for such a long time. And not just wrong but inherently bad, and evil. I knew they were wrong but it fucks with your head. I was told I would never belong so now I don't. 

I have actually never had a hard time meeting people when I actually go out and do things, but the anxiety is in the going and the doing, not the people. 

That’s the hardest part, for me I found bonding with people over a common interest is the only way I can form social connections.

[schwermetallschatz666]

30 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

That’s the hardest part, for me I found bonding with people over a common interest is the only way I can form social connections.

i’m tryin i’m tryin lol

[RelentlessOblivion]

Anyway what’s currently on my mind, I really need to restring and retune my guitar, but that requires me to find a decent guitar tech coz I’m not taking on that task myself.

[AlSymerz]

1 hour ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

That’s the hardest part, for me I found bonding with people over a common interest is the only way I can form social connections.

Once I got out of the truck and realised 90% of my "friends" were just people I saw on the road and nowhere else I found that forming social bonds with people with a common interest, but more knowledge, to be the best thing for me. Years and years ago we did a mentor ship type thing with kids with but we weren't that far from kids ourselves so if felt different. But meeting up with other farmers and people in the farming sector who knew a lot more than me and were happy to share was a godsend, not just for knowledge but lasting social relationships. I've still got mates in the city and all over the country that are closer to the music scene than I am and we talk occasionally, but the people I see the most and the people I tend to share a drink with are those who've helped me/us get the farm to where it is today and continue to help move it forward. I guess one day it will be my turn to do the same to other young farmers, and I guess at that time I'll still feel like I don't know enough, but it's never about knowing too much, it's always about sharing.

 

1 hour ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

Anyway what’s currently on my mind, I really need to restring and retune my guitar, but that requires me to find a decent guitar tech coz I’m not taking on that task myself.

I know a bloke that restrings tennis rackets

 

[Dead1]

My social media persona is mostly my real persona too.  What you see is what you get. 

I do tend to restrain myself a bit more on social media simply cause those are the rules. Come to think of it these days I restrain myself more on social media than real life cause even at work you quickly figure out the people you can talk to openly.    Also stuff on things like Facebook is hard to get rid of!

So in real life I am far more self opinionated, elitist, bigoted, all knowing, misanthropic, anti-fucking everything than I am here or Facebook where I play nice. 

Suffice to say my wife, family and friends are extremely tolerant human beings.

 

[RelentlessOblivion]

I try to exercise restraint here, elsewhere online different story. Politics in particular i’m never shy about expressing myself.

[AlSymerz]

Restraint is a good thing, especially in real life. It's like the 'pub test' we kept hearing about over the last few years. However if you wouldn't say something in front of a bunch of drunken yobs at a bar because you might get a smack in the face, it's probably better not to say it online either.

If you're just doing it to shit stir it's all fair game

[GoatmasterGeneral]

5 minutes ago, KillaKukumba said:

Restraint is a good thing, especially in real life. It's like the 'pub test' we kept hearing about over the last few years. However if you wouldn't say something in front of a bunch of drunken yobs at a bar because you might get a smack in the face, it's probably better not to say it online either.

If you're just doing it to shit stir it's all fair game

But what would even be the point of talking politics or religion with a bunch of drunken yobs at a bar? There are certain discussions I wouldn't attempt to have with those type of blokes in that kind of setting because it'd be over their heads and a waste of time. At least while they're pissed.

Also, as someone with a big mouth and a lot of opinions it has been my experience that most people won't actually smack you in the face if you avoid ad hominem attacks and name-calling and just adhere to some basic level of civility. Most people really seem to care more about how you're speaking to them than what you're actually saying. Even as a long time shit stirrer from way back I've always found it fairly easy to get along with most people in real life out in public, or at least blokes/dudes. Not sure about orcas though, they can be a sensitive lot.

[AlSymerz]

Drunken yobs at a bar is a pub test. By Urban dictionary definition they don't specifically mention drunks as the only audience but it's always been implied.

[Dead1]

2 hours ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:

But what would even be the point of talking politics or religion with a bunch of drunken yobs at a bar? There are certain discussions I wouldn't attempt to have with those type of blokes in that kind of setting because it'd be over their heads and a waste of time. At least while they're pissed.

 

Sober Australians aren't really worth discussing politics or religion with in the first place.  Most have no idea about pretty much anything save footie, DIY, shopping, beauty products, clothes, utes, fishing and other more inane topics.   

As I always say these people have all the intellectual and philosophical bent of a brick.

Oh how I relish discussions with the odd educated European or American I come across - like manna from heaven.  

(This is the elitist European in me).

 

[Thatguy]

3 hours ago, KillaKukumba said:

Drunken yobs at a bar is a pub test. By Urban dictionary definition they don't specifically mention drunks as the only audience but it's always been implied.

And is another stupid journalistic cliché that really makes no sense at all. But we are supposed to nod thoughtfully when we hear it. Fuck that.

3 hours ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:

Most people really seem to care more about how you're speaking to them than what you're actually saying.

This is true, and is fair enough. Most conversation is essentially meaningless and is just interaction, and so should be kept nice. Or let's say appropriate to the milieu.

 

1 hour ago, Dead1 said:

Most have no idea about pretty much anything save footie, DIY, shopping, beauty products, clothes, utes, fishing and other more inane topics.   

Hmm. Of those only footie enters into my purview. I can talk about heaps of other things though and make some sort of sense with a drink or two in me. Too many drinks spoils things of course

Beyond history, philosophy, politics etc, I have a sad history of becoming fixated on something and boring people with it. I can do that about music with no effort at all, but I became fixated on weasels after I saw an elegant lady taking one for a walk on a lead in a town in the south of France some years ago. My current thing is toucans. I like looking at pictures of them. There seem to be many, many sub-types but I am restraining myself and not researching this because I know that will do me no good. I'll just marvel at their lovely colours and adorable beaks.

[AlSymerz]

25 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

And is another stupid journalistic cliché that really makes no sense at all. But we are supposed to nod thoughtfully when we hear it. Fuck that.

 

If we didn't have stupid politicians who are as sneaky as a shithouse rats we wouldn't need stupid journos to write stupid headlines!

27 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

Too many drinks spoils things of course

 

Too many drinks is where my conversation reaches it's peak....because I fall asleep.

 

[RelentlessOblivion]

4 hours ago, KillaKukumba said:

Restraint is a good thing, especially in real life. It's like the 'pub test' we kept hearing about over the last few years. However if you wouldn't say something in front of a bunch of drunken yobs at a bar because you might get a smack in the face, it's probably better not to say it online either.

If you're just doing it to shit stir it's all fair game

Pfft you’re no fun, then again I have made some colourful comments at the bar before… comments I won’t repeat in such distinguished company.

[AlSymerz]

I'm sure we've all done it. But, don't get me wrong I'm not saying you can't do it, just that you probably shouldn't. However if you do feel free to film what happens so we can laugh!