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What's on your mind?


Apoc
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Re: What's on your mind?

Dealing with having a friend whom I have bent over backwards to help, have shown I care for them in so many ways, caring texts, phonecalls, care packages, you name it. Said friend has never once thanked me and rarely ever picks up the phone to call me or shows any concern. Sometimes I just wonder... why the fuck am I bothering? Then I plague my mind with thoughts like... if I truly cared, I would just continue to send my love / acknowledgement / gifts and not expect anything in return. Then the other side of me thinks - friendship is reciprocal, and it should go both ways. So maybe we really aren't friends. But if I do care, I should continue to show it, but change my expectations to not expect a thank you, gratitude, or even reciprocation. It just kinda sours the whole point of caring about someone if they act like they don't give a shit. So then I wonder... is friendship TRULY altruistic?
I know what you mean, you kind of feel shitty if you expect something in return, despite that receiving something yourself was not the intention of your gift/help/care. You just hope that said person would care enough about you that doing the same would be as natural for them as it is for you, but sadly this isn't always the case. I try to accept the shortcomings of my friends (I have to knowing guys like NTNR ;)), and I hope that they accept mine. I'm not sure what the solution is for you, but you will likely know when it becomes more of a burden and less of a friendship, and at what point you would no longer want to continue. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2
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Dealing with having a friend whom I have bent over backwards to help, have shown I care for them in so many ways, caring texts, phonecalls, care packages, you name it. Said friend has never once thanked me and rarely ever picks up the phone to call me or shows any concern. Sometimes I just wonder... why the fuck am I bothering? Then I plague my mind with thoughts like... if I truly cared, I would just continue to send my love / acknowledgement / gifts and not expect anything in return. Then the other side of me thinks - friendship is reciprocal, and it should go both ways. So maybe we really aren't friends. But if I do care, I should continue to show it, but change my expectations to not expect a thank you, gratitude, or even reciprocation. It just kinda sours the whole point of caring about someone if they act like they don't give a shit. So then I wonder... is friendship TRULY altruistic?
Reciprocal altruism is the heart of a functional friendship. It's gotta go both ways. Letting go of people can be healthy too, and sometimes they can come back when you're both ready. I've let go of, and subsequently regained, several of my closest friends. But if it eats you up like that, it's not a good thing... just my two cents.:)
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Re: What's on your mind?

Yay, the forum works again! On my mind - stoked that a really good guitarist is coming over later today to jam on some tunes with me. I can't wait to get back out there and play these songs live.
I have been able to go on the forum all day with tapatalk :/ maybe i'm the chosen one :o And that's awesome you got a guitarist to come and rock with you :) enjoy yourself :D
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I have been able to go on the forum all day with tapatalk :/ maybe i'm the chosen one :o And that's awesome you got a guitarist to come and rock with you :) enjoy yourself :D
Thanks dude! I was having a lot of trouble getting on with all the "attack site" messages and then my phone and pc just stopped loading forum pages; instead I got pages of error messages and code. All good now...
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I know what you mean, you kind of feel shitty if you expect something in return, despite that receiving something yourself was not the intention of your gift/help/care. You just hope that said person would care enough about you that doing the same would be as natural for them as it is for you, but sadly this isn't always the case.
You hit the nail on the head, and you're right - I don't do it with any expectation that I get the same in return but *some* kind of thank you, a show of being grateful, would go a long way. And if she ever did anything for me to the extent I'd done for her I'd be blown away. I appreciate the advice all around and Father is right, it really should be reciprocal. I'm probably going to just stop putting so much energy into her. I have other friends who I could probably invest more time/effort into. It's just a shame all around.
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