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Apoc

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I don't want band patches, but I found a pretty awesome tarot patch earlier this year and put in on my jacket. Can't remember whether I posted it or not. I sewed it on by hand, poorly, I'm a complete hack.

YEIWUZG.jpg

 

And here's a band logo I painted on my other jacket, which I know I posted here years ago:

tDodU12.jpg

 

Might take the Mjolnir off though.

 

 

 

 

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21 minutes ago, FatherAlabaster said:

I don't want band patches, but I found a pretty awesome tarot patch earlier this year and put in on my jacket. Can't remember whether I posted it or not. I sewed it on by hand, poorly, I'm a complete hack.

YEIWUZG.jpg

I need one of these, but The Hermit. Not sure if I would have the space for it though, as I don't have much real estate to begin with. My jacket is almost completely full with only 6 small logo patches on the front and the back patch takes up the entire back. 😂

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Ahh historical revisionism.  People that know me know I eat, shit and breathe history.

Yet so much of it is being rewritten or dragged down in long disproven cliches.

My latest peeve involves a local history facebook group.  There's been photos of old mental health facility that was shut down and let to rot (and not replaced by anything).

The comments are maddening - all these sad cliches and stereotypes about mental health and how horrid and sadistic these places were.  People's perception of mental health hasn't moved much from 19th century penny dreadfuls.

Absolutely no concept that the understanding of medicine was different.  Yes some treatments were terrible and there was abuse.  There is abuse today and some treatments are terrible (including the fact we just dump the seriously mentally ill to effectively look after themselves these days with only limited community services).  Overall the treatments were based on what was accepted medical knowledge and the intent was to help people.

Then a prominent gay activist posted up a picture of a dentist's chair abandoned in it and said people including gay people were strapped into this and administered electrical shocks and then a torrent of comments about how electrically shocking patients is evil. 

Never mind electro convulsive therapy is still practiced today to treat serious mental illness and patients were always lying down because it was just impractical to have them sitting upright (and for decades conducted under anaesthetic including when this facility was still open).

 

(Administering it to gay people was wrong, but administering it to say people with both severe dementia and severe depression is proven to help them).

Lots of comments from former and current mental health professionals to try to explain what really happened but alas no the torrent of fetish fantasies relating to mental health continue.  Note the gay activist never corrected his post because that doesn't fit his agenda of gay people being strapped into "electric chairs".

 I work as a bureaucrat in mental health by the way.  Not a doctor or nurse or allied health but you get a little bit of understanding when discharging ones duties.

 

And I won't even go into the historical misconceptions that still float around in WW2 history circles... my favourite was an Italian tour guide who talked about how US and allies "liberated" them from the Germans. Ever hear of Mussolini dipshit?!?   Sure the Krauts occupied them after the Italian government collapsed in 1943 but Italy was one of the aggressors, not a victim.

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Reminds me of a thing last year that went around Facebook talking about abandon power stations and how much of a waste they were to the general public. It was brought up due to the fascination in some circles for abandoned buildings, but this particular site went hell for leather attacking Australia for derelict sites naming them and saying what happened in the rooms and sections. Half the stories were wrong, most didn't even have a basis of truth about them and some of the pics weren't even Australia power stations. But heaps of people hung off the site daily for weeks claiming all sorts of great stories. There was some brilliant stories about what some rooms were used for, and some even better ones about why the equipment that was left behind was still there, but none of it was true, despite that people hung off every word of the author.

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On 7/20/2021 at 7:40 PM, BMB said:

From Monday I’ve 3-4 weeks of work up on a roof (most of which is painted in solar reflective paint), not looking forward to it! Although, it does look like the temperature drops slightly over the weekend.

Well, I got my wish! The temperature did drop off. What I’d don’t account for is the brain dead moron helping me. His monumental f**k-up has put me back a week. I’m in the shit-house and am now behind on other work. 

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What's on my mind this morning is that I got sent 2 links by Bandcamp this morning for albums I could be interested in.  A lot of albums come my way by this means, some I like, some I don't.  All good.

However, the two this morning   -  which I left to run for longer than I normally would because I had stuff to check out online- were dungeon synth.  Fuck me they were bad.  The albums had 'metal' artwork and came to me because I buy metal, but does anyone think this crappy music is metal at all?

People are free to produce what music they like and there will be someone out there to like it and I know I sound like an old man shouting at clouds when I say it, but dungeon synth ain't metal.

 

 

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8 hours ago, Thatguy said:

What's on my mind this morning is that I got sent 2 links by Bandcamp this morning for albums I could be interested in.  A lot of albums come my way by this means, some I like, some I don't.  All good.

Out of interest who is sending the link? Is it a record label you've bought from before or an algorithm generated email that thinks it knows you? I get lots of bandcamp emails but they are always from bands or labels I already bought from, trying to sell new merch or advise of new releases. But never a "you might be interested in...." 

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2 hours ago, JonoBlade said:

Out of interest who is sending the link? Is it a record label you've bought from before or an algorithm generated email that thinks it knows you? I get lots of bandcamp emails but they are always from bands or labels I already bought from, trying to sell new merch or advise of new releases. But never a "you might be interested in...." 

I get them from bands or labels I have bought from.  Some labels clearly have the bad amongst the good -  or maybe I buy more crap than I should.

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7 hours ago, JonoBlade said:

Bandcamp isn't as insidious as facebook yet then. 

It is up to the labels and bands how irritating they want to be with mailshots.

 

2 hours ago, navybsn said:

You can turn off Bandcamp notifications iirc. Haven't gotten an email from them or any label I've bought from there in quite a while.

I'm not irritated.  I find a lot of music this way.  I am not even irritated by the existence of dungeon synth.  I just don't see the point.

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As much as I love my family, if I had my time again I would not marry and would not have kids.

Seriously it's mainly house work and with kids it's mainly sitting around being bored (take them to the park, to sports/other activities).  Family occasions like birthdays are mainly boring and often require interactions with other relatives you don't want to really hang with.  There's an expectation you should grit your teeth pretend to enjoy these so they turn out even more frustrating.  Even family activities often have to be compromised to the point they are not enjoyable. 

 

And suffice to say it also impacts on listening to metal (especially since I am not allowed to wear headphones due to industrial hearing loss).  Whilst the family is in the house, anything seriously heavy is avoided.

 

Yes I know it's me and I'm a selfish prick.

 

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You should move to Melbourne and be like all those other parents complaining that they can't take their kids to the park because the government shut them down and the police are enforcing it! :)

I do kind of agree, most of my family I wouldn't choose to interact with but thankfully I don't have to they are spread so far around the country that seeing them before covid barely happened, but now it never happens. Although I tend to be the opposite to a lot of married men in that I don't mind visiting the Outlaws on the other side of the country. Some of them are just fruit cakes but my wife's side has more people I'd be happy to drink with than mine and going there has the added bonus that I know it wont be for too long!

 

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13 minutes ago, Dead1 said:

As much as I love my family, if I had my time again I would not marry and would not have kids.

Seriously it's mainly house work and with kids it's mainly sitting around being bored (take them to the park, to sports/other activities).  Family occasions like birthdays are mainly boring and often require interactions with other relatives you don't want to really hang with.  There's an expectation you should grit your teeth pretend to enjoy these so they turn out even more frustrating.  Even family activities often have to be compromised to the point they are not enjoyable. 

 

And suffice to say it also impacts on listening to metal (especially since I am not allowed to wear headphones due to industrial hearing loss).  Whilst the family is in the house, anything seriously heavy is avoided.

 

Yes I know it's me and I'm a selfish prick.

 

Well, from where I stand, it takes some courage to admit that and I don't think it has any bearing on how much you love your family. I think a lot about the choices that resulted in my being married with a family, too, especially in the way that it impacts my work. I love them unconditionally, but I have to acknowledge that I'm only about a quarter to a third as productive as I was on my own. Extended family is all far away, so at least we don't have to deal with the negative aspects of that very frequently. People (at least unmarried or childless people) usually look at me cross-eyed if I say anything other than unicorns and rainbows about the experience of parenthood. I've learned a lot, yes, I'd do anything for my son, yes, I wouldn't turn back the clock, no... but I don't know that I would make the same choices. I certainly wouldn't be where I am now. It's taken some conscious effort for me to try to make the best of it.

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1 hour ago, FatherAlabaster said:

y. People (at least unmarried or childless people) usually look at me cross-eyed if I say anything other than unicorns and rainbows about the experience of parenthood. I've learned a lot, yes, I'd do anything for my son, yes, I wouldn't turn back the clock, no... but I don't know that I would make the same choices. I certainly wouldn't be where I am now. It's taken some conscious effort for me to try to make the best of it.

 

Extremely well put and I whole heartedly agree. 

I remember my childless brother arguing with me about how easy it is to have a family and raise kids (and despite being younger than me and born in 1984, his notion is wife stays at home and looks after the kids and he goes of to work). 

I know plenty of guys or children and wives of guys who have abandoned their families and I think they are human shit.

But still it's hard especially when so much of family life is actually tedious, routine and repetitive.  I actively despise that much of my life is designed to fit into other people's timetables be it work or family.  

 

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17 minutes ago, Dead1 said:

 

 

But still it's hard especially when so much of family life is actually tedious, routine and repetitive.  I actively despise that much of my life is designed to fit into other people's timetables be it work or family.  

 

That part of it is extraordinarily difficult for me too. I didn't realize how much of my autonomy I'd be giving up. I barely even know what to do with myself sometimes when I actually have free time. It's also a struggle to find the mental peace and freedom that I need to do the stuff that I actually need to do, especially the artwork. So much of the groundwork for that happens during what looks like "idle time" to everyone else. I've taken to cultivating my privacy while I'm doing chores so I can at least use that time to think, but it's hard to relax when every minute is spoken for. I always feel like I'm on the clock.

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5 minutes ago, FatherAlabaster said:

I barely even know what to do with myself sometimes when I actually have free time. 

I have found I am the same.  I either walk around the house in an agitated aimless manner thinking I've forgotten something or go on to my phone (which my wife and daughter comment on).

I have hobbies but they take time and I usually do them at night.  And that creates more issues - as I only start stuff at night after everything is done and kid is asleep, I end up staying up really late (after 1 am) trying to do my hobbies to unwind.  Then I miss out on sleep and feel increasingly like shit.

 

I do occasionally talk to my wife about this and she has said "don't worry about it, I will do it" or "it can be done later."  Last time she did that she didn't clean her ensuite (yes she has ensuite to herself) for two months and it was just a bigger job for me when I finally gave in and went to clean it!

 

 

 

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I work from home and do the stay at home dad thing while my wife works in an office 8ish hours a day and neither of us would have it any other way. It started out as a necessity given that my wife can't get a licence to drive, but these days she loves the idea of little to no house work, being out of the house and not having to put up with the school politics. She's also the one that gets to come home every/any night with the new shoes, new toy, or cakes because when I shop I buy what we need and when she goes for a walk at lunch time she buys what she calls the 'nice' things.

Barring things like lockdowns and school holidays I can play music all day if I want to because even my clients know it's better to email me rather than ring.

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Deaovic said:

As much as I love my family, if I had my time again I would not marry and would not have kids.

Seriously it's mainly house work and with kids it's mainly sitting around being bored (take them to the park, to sports/other activities).  Family occasions like birthdays are mainly boring and often require interactions with other relatives you don't want to really hang with.  There's an expectation you should grit your teeth pretend to enjoy these so they turn out even more frustrating.  Even family activities often have to be compromised to the point they are not enjoyable. 

And suffice to say it also impacts on listening to metal (especially since I am not allowed to wear headphones due to industrial hearing loss).  Whilst the family is in the house, anything seriously heavy is avoided.

Yes I know it's me and I'm a selfish prick.

 

 

On 8/17/2021 at 8:07 PM, FatherAlabaster said:

Well, from where I stand, it takes some courage to admit that and I don't think it has any bearing on how much you love your family. I think a lot about the choices that resulted in my being married with a family, too, especially in the way that it impacts my work. I love them unconditionally, but I have to acknowledge that I'm only about a quarter to a third as productive as I was on my own. Extended family is all far away, so at least we don't have to deal with the negative aspects of that very frequently. People (at least unmarried or childless people) usually look at me cross-eyed if I say anything other than unicorns and rainbows about the experience of parenthood. I've learned a lot, yes, I'd do anything for my son, yes, I wouldn't turn back the clock, no... but I don't know that I would make the same choices. I certainly wouldn't be where I am now. It's taken some conscious effort for me to try to make the best of it.

I feel the same way and if I could go back and do it all over again 100% I would never have married or had any kids. Not saying I don't love my kids because I love them both to death, that goes without saying. But let's just say being a single dad has its challenges to say the least. I've been married twice and had one kid with each wife. Got hitched for the first time in Sept '88 my daughter was born in June 1990, and then that 1st wife packed her shit into a big empty Huggies box and left us 6 months later that December. That's when I began my first 3 year stint as a single dad. Dumb cunt eventually came around with some shaming from her mom and then we did the back and forth thing for many years until my daughter came of age and moved out. Now she's 31 with 3 kids of her own.

In between the two wives, first in '91 I rekindled things with an ex for a few years, and then in '94 I began a nearly 17 year LTR with a co-worker where we lived and slept together and even bought a house together but fortunately we never got legally married or had any children. But that relationship got stagnant and just wasn't working for me after a decade and a half so then like an idiot I had to ignore the red flags and start over in 2011 with a much younger woman. A woman from another country no less, so I had no choice but to marry her just for her to be able to stay here in the states longer than 90 days. My son came along in January 2014, but then my 2nd wife died of cancer 3 and a half years later in October '17. After the shock and the anger and the grief and the self pity wore off I realized finally after all these last 35 years of continuously being seriously involved with one woman or another going all the way back to 1984, that I'm really much better off living by myself without a woman.

Not sure why it took me so long to come to this realization, but I've had to accept the fact that I'm just not relationship material. I value my free time too much and my women's needs too little. Not sure why most women I've known seem to feel it's our job to keep them entertained, like their happiness is somehow our responsibility. Like FA says even when you're determined to make the best of it that does not make it in any way easy. So now I'm resolved to remain a happily confirmed bachelor in my old age for however many years I might have left walking this Earth. Never again will I inflict myself on an unsuspecting woman nor will I ever again be willing to put up with their shit. No cohabitation ever again under any circumstances, the juice is simply not worth the squeeze as they say. 

I did have to learn to deal with a massive amount of guilt that I felt over feeling somewhat relieved like I had been "let off the hook" when my wife first died because I knew damn well that sooner or later we would've been headed for a nasty split. Her demise had actually saved me from both the prospect of moving our little family to New Zealand for her to be able to get her $10,000 tri-weekly cancer treatments for free that were unaffordable to us here in the U.S. (having spent a few months in Kiwiland spread over several occassions I very strongly did not want to leave the states to go live in New Zealand indefinitely) and it also saved me from the unavoidable unpleasantness of a prolonged international custody battle over our son. But now 3 and a half years later I've mostly moved past that guilt. Despite how her death helped me to dodge a large & lethal bullet coming right for me, I can now allow myself to believe that it's not my fault she got cancer and died. 

I will say that I feel a deep empathy for those men out there who might feel trapped in unhappy relationships for years on end with the mothers of their children. Sorry dudes, I truly feel your pain. And for any family men out there who have found a way to make it work and are happily married with kids and think family life is wonderful and don't know what the fuck us cranky ungrateful bastards are bitching about, I'll just say congrats guys, good on ya mates and more power to you. Maybe youze could write a book and teach the rest of us.

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Even if those completely happy in their lives wrote a step by step guide to their life, would you read it?

I know I wouldn't.

My life, my mistakes, my way. No blame, no guilt, no regrets.

I'm not going to copy the life of someone I don't know just because they managed to get a book published.

Life is what you make of it, not what someone else tells you to make of it.

 

 

 

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Dang WN, that's some heavy stuff.

 

I wouldn't say I am unhappy and I love my wife more than anything.

I think save getting married* I've never done what really makes me 100% happy because the thing that makes me happy is essentially doing nothing.  I went to Uni cause I didn't want to be poor, I drank myself to oblivion when I was younger because I was bored, I work because I have bills to pay, I work in my current job because it's cushy and pays over $100k and I am lazy.  I had a kid because my wife wanted one.  I even brought my last house because my wife wanted one and ours was too small and started needing too much maintenance.

*And even getting married was something I wanted but I really didn't want to think much beyond that - y'know the repercussions of family, career, home ownership etc etc.

 

My ideal life is basically empty and devoid of most things associated with human existence...I think that's why family life grates with me.  

Yet there's a thing in the back of my head that propels me to do more than just nothing because doing nothing is lazy, pointless and selfish.

 

For people that don't know me, as a child in Yugoslavia a sniper missed my head by mere inches.  I heard the bullets thwack in the ground in front of me and to this day I still think I felt one of the rounds' "jetstream" as it passed by my face. 

I sometimes think that something went wrong and my brains should have been spread all over that empty lot that day.  I should be dead but cause of some universal fuck up, I am alive and I don't know what to do with it.

 

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