What's on your mind?

[FatherAlabaster]

AWW YEEEAAAH. Let's get holistic up in here!

Careful, if it gets any more holistic I'll have to find some magnets and crystals and subject everyone to "distance healing". (Don't worry, having experienced this as a child, I can assure you that it has absolutely no effect.)

RE: People with drastic mood shifts, I can relate, because I can be this way. Most of the time my attitude is casual, reserved, but mostly indifferent. I do, however, often experience some really low lows and fits of blinding rage, and I'm working on improving/controlling it with some degree of success. I know that for me, it stems from a general state of dissatisfaction with my surroundings, and my frustration with feeling disjointed and out of place with it. I let most things roll off my back, and am (somewhat hypocritically) usually the one to tell people to take it easy and not worry about insignificant shit, but it does build up within me pretty heavily. Playing music is definitely an outlet for that and helps me get through it, but I have many times been a merciless prick and hurt the ones I loved. So for anyone reading this, I know that it is no consolation to say that the person in question doing this likely doesn't love you any less, it's actually that love that makes you the target, because it's about self-destruction. Destroying those relationships that push you in the right direction and encourage you and help you to succeed seems totally reasonable when that mood hits, but only fill you with regret and make things worse once they subside. This is what my song Solace in the Face of Despair is about, and putting it into words helped me identify it and work on it, but I still applaud my wife's patience for putting up with me as well as she does. I'm still trying to figure out how to forgive myself, which is one of the biggest roots of the problem, as heaping blame onto myself for everything (even things that I know are not my fault) is partly to blame. There is something really black within me that I'm afraid to expose, and hopefully one day will be able to work on it, as the few times that it has come through have been devastating. I keep telling myself that I'm moving in the right direction and will get there eventually, I just hope that is really true and not just me getting better at masking it. I don't mean to divert the attention to myself, I was just trying to offer up my take and try to explain that the people on the receiving end of this are not the motivation. It may even be worse because you did nothing to deserve it, but hopefully understanding something about this behavior will help with it somehow. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2

Thanks for talking about it, that's a good perspective to hear, and not one I'd be likely to listen to from the people that I've already had negative experiences with. I've cut nearly all of those people out of my life, because I simply can't handle it in any other way. Which might be unfair of me. It sounds horrible to deal with, from either side. I don't think it's hypocritical to advise other people to let small things go; it's more like speaking with the voice of experience. I wonder if there's any real difference between learning how to suppress and distance yourself from that sort of behavior, and actually getting over it. My problems manifest themselves as a sort of paralyzing depression, a general feeling of worthlessness and self-loathing, which oddly seems to go hand in hand with blaming everything else around me and being hyper-critical. I've learned to just keep my stupid mouth shut and wait it out, but I haven't been able to stop it in its tracks. Having my son around does seem to help me pull out of it, by recognizing that my own internal bullshit just isn't that important, and understanding that I have no right to inflict it on him in any way. I'd imagine that being near your daughter is similarly positive, those pictures of you guys always seem to radiate happiness.

[FatherAlabaster]

Here I heading through Nebraska around 10pm enjoying the fact hat virtually no one is on the road except me. next thing I know a stop engine warning appears on my dashboard. I go to the shop sit for 3 hour and they say its fixed. about 45 minutes later it happens again so once again I head to a shop to figure out what the hell is wrong with it. I now sit for almost 5 fucking hours just for the shop to tell me they have no idea whats wrong. so i say fuck it and try to head out. not even 2 goddamn fucking miles down the road the truck starts vibrating violently and once again I have another fucking problem. turns out one of the trailer tires had a blowout so then i had to sit on the side of the fucking road for another 3 hours waiting for someone to come fix my tire which then took another 1 and a half to fix. now I'm over a day late to my deliver and day further away from getting my new truck. I'm having a great fucking day.

Dude, that sucks. Sorry to hear it. Sounds like you've had a run of bad experiences. This is the company's lemon truck, huh? Just think about how insignificant future problems will seem once you're through with this...

[Syuurin]

I deal with depression and anxiety, too, though it's not as bad as many of my friends'. So far the only solution is to absorb myself in schoolwork and wait it out. It's nice to hear that being with your son mitigates it, though. You sound like a great father. If I'm ever in need of fatherly advice, I'll ask you.

[FatherAlabaster]

I deal with depression and anxiety, too, though it's not as bad as many of my friends'. So far the only solution is to absorb myself in schoolwork and wait it out. It's nice to hear that being with your son mitigates it, though. You sound like a great father. If I'm ever in need of fatherly advice, I'll ask you.

Nah, I don't have the experience yet... he's only two! It's great fun, though, I have to say, and he's an awesome little kid.

[Frostaudn]

Yobo: I've never hated him, it's just sad we'll probably never be close friends like Mum and I. Also, those pictures somehow manage to make a burning ship look pretty...

I understand, it's a bit the same with my mum and I. She is really kind sometimes, but can also be annoying as hell. And the fact that metal is one of the biggest things in my life and she that is pretty religious at some points, doesn't really help. So like you say: I'm pretty close with my dad, since he even goes with me to concerts and festivals (even if he doesn't like the band) and since we have the same kind of humor, which I can't say about my mom. We are just pretty different.

[Syuurin]

What's on your mind?

Nah' date=' I don't have the experience yet... he's only two! It's great fun, though, I have to say, and he's an awesome little kid.[/quote'] Even so! You've a lot of good things to say. He's a lucky kid. (: Yeah, that about sums it up.

[Frostaudn]

So, in fifteen minutes will The Netherlands play against Chile. I think it will be pretty difficult to defeat Chile.

[Syuurin]

Netherlands has my support regardless. Go team.

[FatherAlabaster]

Even so! You've a lot of good things to say. He's a lucky kid. (:

Well, thanks! I hope he feels that way when he's grown up. I know I feel lucky that my parents have been so supportive of me; in general, we have great relationships. We're all "black sheep", I suppose.

[Frostaudn]

Netherlands has my support regardless. Go team.

Haha, yay Hopefully they'll defeat Chile, but it's not a shame if they don't

[BlutAusNerd]

My daughter has helped things tremendously, her presence brightens up my day instantly, and I'm starting to find a balance between working my ass off, family time, housework, and getting a few hours of sleep each night. I'm hoping things will calm down soon, it is nice to be the boss, and not having a jackass over the top of me trying to sink the ship that he's paying me to steer is a plus, but it has meant more hours instead of adding more help while we're fixing things. One of my problems is that I hate complaining about my issues and putting the focus on myself, it has always felt selfish and I get annoyed when others do that, so I never seem to get around to working on my issues until they bubble over and can't be ignored. It is good to have a place to vent though, so I appreciate you guys listening. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2

[FatherAlabaster]

My daughter has helped things tremendously, her presence brightens up my day instantly, and I'm starting to find a balance between working my ass off, family time, housework, and getting a few hours of sleep each night. I'm hoping things will calm down soon, it is nice to be the boss, and not having a jackass over the top of me trying to sink the ship that he's paying me to steer is a plus, but it has meant more hours instead of adding more help while we're fixing things. One of my problems is that I hate complaining about my issues and putting the focus on myself, it has always felt selfish and I get annoyed when others do that, so I never seem to get around to working on my issues until they bubble over and can't be ignored. It is good to have a place to vent though, so I appreciate you guys listening. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2

Truth is, there's nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes. I regret sharing some problems with some of my friends, because my depression always seems petty and pathetic in hindsight, but I think nobody should fault themselves for reaching out if they need to. Talking about things has definitely helped me in the past, and I'm grateful to the people that have been there to listen.

[Frostaudn]

Yaaaaay, The Netherlands won also their last game in the poule, 2-0 Verstuurd vanaf mijn GT-I9505 met Tapatalk

[~Mere~]

Truth is' date=' there's nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes. I regret sharing some problems with some of my friends, because my depression always seems petty and pathetic in hindsight, but I think nobody should fault themselves for reaching out if they need to. Talking about things has definitely helped me in the past, and I'm grateful to the people that have been there to listen.[/quote'] My problem is that I do not like to discuss my problems. I do not like the feeling of being exposed. I'm also trying to deal with the fact that talking about them is not a sign of weakness. I appreciate everyone being so forthcoming and showing me that this is not the case.

[Frostaudn]

So...The Netherlands will play against Mexico Mexico is making pudding of Croatia right now and even nobody has scored against Mexico yet...Not impossible to win against Mexico, but it will be very, very difficult.

[FatherAlabaster]

My problem is that I do not like to discuss my problems. I do not like the feeling of being exposed. I'm also trying to deal with the fact that talking about them is not a sign of weakness. I appreciate everyone being so forthcoming and showing me that this is not the case.

I really like our group here. It's weird posting personal stuff on a public forum, but like they say, what are friends for? A lot of stuff I wouldn't put up on, say, Facebook, although I guess there isn't much difference. Except that BAN can kick people out for being dickheads.

[Frostaudn]

I really like our group here. It's weird posting personal stuff on a public forum, but like they say, what are friends for? A lot of stuff I wouldn't put up on, say, Facebook, although I guess there isn't much difference. Except that BAN can kick people out for being dickheads.

Well, it may sounds weird, but for me it's actually easier to tell personal stuff on a forum or something alike. Since people on a forum don't know you in real life, in most cases then. No one judge you/there is not really a preasure on a forum and it may really help. If you tell personal stuff to someone closer to you, it's always depending how they react, is my experience.

[Midi]

I agree with Yobo

[FatherAlabaster]

Well' date=' it may sounds weird, but for me it's actually easier to tell personal stuff on a forum or something alike. Since people on a forum don't know you in real life, in most cases then. No one judge you/there is not really a preasure on a forum and it may really help. If you tell personal stuff to someone closer to you, it's always depending how they react, is my experience.[/quote'] I understand that, it feels easier to tell strangers or new friends something, especially if it might disrupt a more long-running relationship. The irony is that posting online, even more than emailing or messaging, is a public, searchable, and potentially permanent record of whatever deep personal secrets you might feel like revealing... something that always gives me a bit of pause, anyway.

[Iceni]

Me too, only I can't give horns up just now.

[Midi]

I understand that' date=' it feels easier to tell strangers or new friends something, especially if it might disrupt a more long-running relationship. The irony is that posting online, even more than emailing or messaging, is a public, searchable, and potentially permanent record of whatever deep personal secrets you might feel like revealing... something that always gives me a bit of pause, anyway.[/quote'] That's true. However, I find that the fact there's still a 'safe' distance between persons on a forum outweighs this. The information may be public, but if both parties take their approach carefully, the information is still less dangerous than in real life.

[Atrocity]

Hello! I hope you are all doing fine. I'm not writing much because my summer vacation started and I come home just to eat and sleep My country just lost to mexico at the world cup and we are so going home I'm glad we are because we sucked big time I'm a bit drunk at the moment. Love you all :**

[Frostaudn]

I understand that' date=' it feels easier to tell strangers or new friends something, especially if it might disrupt a more long-running relationship. The irony is that posting online, even more than emailing or messaging, is a public, searchable, and potentially permanent record of whatever deep personal secrets you might feel like revealing... something that always gives me a bit of pause, anyway.[/quote'] I have to agree with you, since I've learned this the hard way. But I still agree also with Midi, as long as there is indeed the safe distance between people. And indeed, it may be public, but the chance that someone reads it is really small. But yeah, it happens, as I said, but the chance is so damn small, that won't happen a second time. As long as you don't tell everyone you are active on a specific forum.

[Midi]

You seem happy, Atrocity Cheers!

[Frostaudn]

Being drunk and happiness is the same In most cases then