What's on your mind?

[FatherAlabaster]

Very cool, wish I could convince my parents. Both have come to see my band play, but they don't get me doing harsh vocals. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2

My parents have never gotten it either. Especially my mom, all I usually hear is "oh, are you going to still be doing that awful screaming?" They've never seen me play, since they live so far away, but to be honest I wouldn't want them there. I don't think they'd get anything out of it.

[Iceni]

Like which countries? Costa Rica?

PHbbt. France, Switzerland, Ghana or Cote d'Ivoire. Or really just anyone besides Spain, Argentina, Brazil or Germany.

[Syuurin]

My parents have never gotten it either. Especially my mom' date=' all I usually hear is "oh, are you going to still be doing that awful screaming?" They've never seen me play, since they live so far away, but to be honest I wouldn't want them there. I don't think they'd get anything out of it.[/quote'] If I figured out how to do them, she'd probably want me to teach her... Aaaaaand my father just reminded us both why it would be nicer to be in Chicago, so much for good mood. =\

[FatherAlabaster]

Aaaaaand my father just reminded us both why it would be nicer to be in Chicago' date=' so much for good mood. =\[/quote'] What happened?

[Syuurin]

What happened?

He does this thing where he just explodes over something completely irrelevant. To provide background, he's about the most stubborn and authoritarian person you could meet, but you wouldn't be able to tell because he's careful to avoid acting that way around anyone but us. His opinion is Always Right. His way of doing things is Always Right. He'd been surprisingly peaceful for most of my visit, but this evening, while Mum and I were watching The Daily Show, it suddenly surfaced again. It was a sketch about the trend in Texas for people to bring heavy weapons to restaurants to show their "support for the second amendment" (don't even get me started on that). They were making a joke in which they generalized white people as a part of what was funny; honestly I don't remember the details beyond. But he starts raising his voice angrily and talking about how "Ya can't generalize! If ya can't generalize black people ya can't generalize white people," and all this other stuff that made no sense. I pointed out it was generalization for comedy's sake, but he was in that mood, so he shouts (actually shouts), "IF I CAN'T SAY N*GGER THEY CAN'T GENERALIZE WHITE PEOPLE." And my mother and I are just going "....what?" this whole time. He just wanted something to yell about. And to start a fight. After repeated attempts to explain the concept of comedy, it ended with him repeating things like, "YOU PEOPLE. YOU LIBERALS." over and over until we stopped talking. Of course, Mum is noticeably shaken and upset. I really can't stand this. I wish she could live with me in Chicago, but she has to go take care of her mother every day and be bullied there, too. They used to be very close, but ever since my grandmother stopped being able to walk easily and began refusing to leave the house, she's become horribly ill-tempered and constantly takes it out on Mum and the caregivers that come to help. It's been going on so long that I'm not even particularly emotionally fazed at the moment, I'm just completely fed-up with it. And then once he wins, he goes back to normal. No reference to it. Normal tone. Normal, genial comments. It makes no sense.

[Midi]

Believe it or not, but my family is about the same. My father also always takes any chance he (thinks he) sees to release his accumulated anger. His thoughts at such moments are the only truth he can see, no matter how rational you try to approach him. My mother, who is still emotionally unstable from a series of incidents concerning my brother years ago, falls back into some unhealthy and stressful moments for the entire crew here

[FatherAlabaster]

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear about that. I have some friends ("friends"?) like that. It's really sad and frustrating, and there is honestly nothing you can do, not a thing, aside from vehemently disagreeing. At least then your cards are on the table. But it's not pleasant, or necessary. Your statements about your parents are coming into more focus...

[Syuurin]

Yeah, I know he gets stressed out by his job (he has to fly out again tomorrow, when usually it's just a trip by car, and has been on edge all day because of it), and to be frank, we're easy targets since we're both soft-spoken and terrified of arguments. He was born in the 50s into a very traditional household where the father was THE AUTHORITY, which only exacerbates it; but the weird thing is that he wasn't like this at all until after I was born, from what I heard. He really wanted a child, but I think it actually happening sort of terrified him. He never learned how to be a father for someone older than 5. Of course, none of that makes it okay. It's all just a part of my theory on why he acts so terribly sometimes.

[Iceni]

It's really sad and frustrating' date=' and there is honestly nothing you can do, not a thing, aside from vehemently disagreeing.[/quote'] You can respond with dead, stony, forbidding silence. It works for my brother. He's even more obstinate than me.

[Syuurin]

I'm thankful that I was able to rise above his verbal abuse after a point. I used to blame myself, because that's how I usually react to things, and much of his behavior back when I lived here centered on me. Laughing at and mocking me if I cried, claiming I talked to him with an "awful tone" or was an "awful rebellious child" (I'm being completely honest when I say I never did or even had the desire to do anything that might be considered "teenager-like"; I came home after school every day and did homework all night, and every now and again I went to restaurants with my friends or went to their houses to play games or whatnot, and of course I played video games when I finished having work to do, and that was my existence for all of my childhood), or would generally come up for reasons why I was stupid or terrible. Of course, when talking to other people, he would sing the praises of my accomplishments and gush about how wonderful I was. Geez. But the summer before 10th grade, we took Best Friend From Home (the one I often mention) to Greece with us, and he started treating her similarly. He was The Authority and Everything was a Threat to His Authority. So it started to click that it wasn't me, and since I've become a much more confident person.

[FatherAlabaster]

Yeah, I know he gets stressed out by his job (he has to fly out again tomorrow, when usually it's just a trip by car, and has been on edge all day because of it), and to be frank, we're easy targets since we're both soft-spoken and terrified of arguments. He was born in the 50s into a very traditional household where the father was THE AUTHORITY, which only exacerbates it; but the weird thing is that he wasn't like this at all until after I was born, from what I heard. He really wanted a child, but I think it actually happening sort of terrified him. He never learned how to be a father for someone older than 5. Of course, none of that makes it okay. It's all just a part of my theory on why he acts so terribly sometimes.

Man, who can say? All I can ever do with my parents is guess. I have working theories about what made them the way they are, too, but that's all they are - just theories. For that matter all I have about myself are theories. I think my parents went out of their way to raise my brother and myself as they thought was right, and I just hope I can give my son the kind of support they've given me while avoiding some of the obvious pitfalls from my own childhood. Frankly, the situation sounds horrible, and your dealing with it in the way that you seem to be is both healthy and really sad. I read something in a book about cognitive development, floating the idea that the biggest influence our parents can have on us (aside from their genetics) is in how we perceive them when we're adults in our own right.

[Syuurin]

Frankly' date=' the situation sounds horrible, and your dealing with it in the way that you seem to be is both healthy and really sad. I read something in a book about cognitive development, floating the idea that the biggest influence our parents can have on us (aside from their genetics) is in how we perceive them when we're adults in our own right.[/quote'] It was a very on-and-off situation, too, which it what made it so hard. He'll be a very pleasant person, but then something will trigger the passive-aggressiveness and bullying and it's just, BAM. It's like it's coming from a completely different place or person. I think overall he does care and wants me to be happy and is proud of how far I've gotten, but he can't control whatever this ridiculous impulse is. Yeah, with all the perspective this has given me, I've read a good deal on the subject and can connect a lot of emotional problems I've dealt with in the past with his authoritarian and (extremely overdone) tough-love attitudes. But being able to look at it rationally means I don't have to worry about being anything like him. My mother is the spitting image of good parenting, and if I ever decide to have children, I'll be like her. We're already pretty much the same person, anyway. We even look almost alike.

[~Mere~]

@Syuurin I'm sorry you've had to endure this. Even though you've become (somewhat) desensitized to it, it doesn't make it any easier to be around. I know this all too well as my boyfriend is short tempered, easily angered coupled with many other issues. His mood swings are very unpredictable, he has a grim outlook on life and most everything that comes out of his mouth is negative. I've pretty much cut off trying to communicate with him on any level because I honestly believe that anything I say anymore is a trigger. He wasn't always this way but anymore he's just a miserable SOB. Thus my distain for talking about relationships.....

[FatherAlabaster]

You can respond with dead' date=' stony, forbidding silence. It works for my brother. He's even more obstinate than me.[/quote'] I guess everyone's different. For my family, that wouldn't be a long-term solution. I've had to explain my differences of opinion to my mother at some length to get to the point where I could openly disagree with her and allow her arguments and other statements to roll off of my back, whereas with my dad, we seem to get along really well as long as I'm not living under "his roof", which is why I left when I was 17 and didn't want to see them for a while after that. Ah, individuation. At least we agree on most political/social/moral issues. Both of them come from far more contentious families, and as a result I'm not particularly close with most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, especially on my dad's side.

[FatherAlabaster]

@Syuurin I'm sorry you've had to endure this. Even though you've become (somewhat) desensitized to it' date=' it doesn't make it any easier to be around. I know this all too well as my boyfriend is short tempered, easily angered coupled with many other issues. His mood swings are very unpredictable, he has a grim outlook on life and most everything that comes out of his mouth is negative. I've pretty much cut off trying to communicate with him on any level because I honestly believe that anything I say anymore is a trigger. He wasn't always this way but anymore he's just a miserable SOB. Thus my distain for talking about relationships.....[/quote'] That sucks. It sounds really damaging. I remember when I was younger, being convinced that adults had everything so well worked out... I have a hard time coping with those attitude problems even in my friends. Having had a couple of relationships with people who could fly off the handle, and seem like different people at different times, has given me a profound distrust of anyone who acts that way. It just seems manipulative and needy, and I find it repulsive. I don't know your situation, I just know what I can and can't put up with anymore in my own life. My wife and I are both moody and can be depressive, but we do our best to be open and direct about if something is important enough to be talked about.

[FatherAlabaster]

And now it's the "heavy thread".

[Syuurin]

Mere: I don't mean to be intrusive, but have you considered leaving the relationship? Of course, if you'd rather not discuss it further, I'll respect that. Alabaster: That's too bad. I love my mother's family to death, but I don't know my father's family as well aside from one uncle and a couple of my cousins. His other brother isn't ever around, and his sister is so stiflingly Catholic that being around her makes me a bit uncomfortable, especially since I'm pretty sure she's not supposed to find out I'm nonreligious... She's also the kind of person that believes the earth is some thousands of years old and silly things like that, so you can imagine I'm not very interested in being close to her. In regard to your second post, that pretty much sums up how I feel about people who swing drastically back and forth. I find people who get angry at others confusing and frightening (as someone who almost never feels angry in that way), so I avoid them at all costs.

[Iceni]

And now it's the "heavy thread".

AWW YEEEAAAH. Let's get holistic up in here!

[~Mere~]

It does suck but I know that this too shall pass as he will be gone soon. I made the unfortunate mistake by moving him in with me. Just another lesson learned, as I have had MANY of them.

[Frostaudn]

Damn, as Father already said, heavy things to read I'm sorry to hear about it Syuurin, Father and Mere... You know, I actually hear from a lot of people that they can't get along with their parents or one of them. My dad can also unleash his anger at some points, but he is not like it all the time. Even more; I just love my dad for being as much as random as I am, for going together to concerts sometimes, etc. My mom is a bit different; she hates the music I listen to and can be pretty annoying sometimes, but it's not like I hate her. And there is a ship on fire at the harbour, that awful smell. Verstuurd vanaf mijn GT-I9505 met Tapatalk

[Frostaudn]

Smoke from that ship: A friend of mine sent this other picture: Verstuurd vanaf mijn GT-I9505 met Tapatalk

[BlutAusNerd]

RE: People with drastic mood shifts, I can relate, because I can be this way. Most of the time my attitude is casual, reserved, but mostly indifferent. I do, however, often experience some really low lows and fits of blinding rage, and I'm working on improving/controlling it with some degree of success. I know that for me, it stems from a general state of dissatisfaction with my surroundings, and my frustration with feeling disjointed and out of place with it. I let most things roll off my back, and am (somewhat hypocritically) usually the one to tell people to take it easy and not worry about insignificant shit, but it does build up within me pretty heavily. Playing music is definitely an outlet for that and helps me get through it, but I have many times been a merciless prick and hurt the ones I loved. So for anyone reading this, I know that it is no consolation to say that the person in question doing this likely doesn't love you any less, it's actually that love that makes you the target, because it's about self-destruction. Destroying those relationships that push you in the right direction and encourage you and help you to succeed seems totally reasonable when that mood hits, but only fill you with regret and make things worse once they subside. This is what my song Solace in the Face of Despair is about, and putting it into words helped me identify it and work on it, but I still applaud my wife's patience for putting up with me as well as she does. I'm still trying to figure out how to forgive myself, which is one of the biggest roots of the problem, as heaping blame onto myself for everything (even things that I know are not my fault) is partly to blame. There is something really black within me that I'm afraid to expose, and hopefully one day will be able to work on it, as the few times that it has come through have been devastating. I keep telling myself that I'm moving in the right direction and will get there eventually, I just hope that is really true and not just me getting better at masking it. I don't mean to divert the attention to myself, I was just trying to offer up my take and try to explain that the people on the receiving end of this are not the motivation. It may even be worse because you did nothing to deserve it, but hopefully understanding something about this behavior will help with it somehow. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2

[BlackFuckingMetal666]

Here I heading through Nebraska around 10pm enjoying the fact hat virtually no one is on the road except me. next thing I know a stop engine warning appears on my dashboard. I go to the shop sit for 3 hour and they say its fixed. about 45 minutes later it happens again so once again I head to a shop to figure out what the hell is wrong with it. I now sit for almost 5 fucking hours just for the shop to tell me they have no idea whats wrong. so i say fuck it and try to head out. not even 2 goddamn fucking miles down the road the truck starts vibrating violently and once again I have another fucking problem. turns out one of the trailer tires had a blowout so then i had to sit on the side of the fucking road for another 3 hours waiting for someone to come fix my tire which then took another 1 and a half to fix. now I'm over a day late to my deliver and day further away from getting my new truck. I'm having a great fucking day.

[Syuurin]

Yobo: I've never hated him, it's just sad we'll probably never be close friends like Mum and I. Also, those pictures somehow manage to make a burning ship look pretty... Blut: That's actually a lot like one of my close friends. He used to have trouble with anger management thanks to where he grew up. Now, he's generally of the same demeanor as me, but if something builds up, it can finally end up inducing that blind sort of anger, and he has to avoid talking to anyone until it passes out of worry of saying something hurtful.

[Syuurin]

now I'm over a day late to my deliver and day further away from getting my new truck. I'm having a great fucking day.

Ugh, that's really shitty. :/