What's on your mind?

[~Mere~]

Ha! Hey, did everything work out with the whole banking fiasco? I recall you had to wait a while for a resolve.

[RelentlessOblivion]

Local bottle shop was having a sale on my favourite beer. This means my fridge is fully stocked and I only had to drop $30

[deathstorm]

Mere look the bright side at least your wrecking ball isn't Miley Cyrus. Lol

[~Mere~]

Yikes! lol She def has issues.

[Syuurin]

I'm being hit with a wave of relationship-related doubt at the moment (happens a lot, really). Permission to vent?

[BlutAusNerd]

I'm being hit with a wave of relationship-related doubt at the moment (happens a lot' date=' really). Permission to vent?[/quote'] Always, open forum. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2

[Iceni]

Permission to vent?

Ask around, I haven't posed that question on this forum since...ever.

[Syuurin]

I just had another conversation with the guy I'm seeing on a theme that seems to be pretty common the longer I know him: things I'm deeply interested in that he has no interest in, outwardly dislikes, or even likes the exact opposite of. It's not that I have anything against differences, but when it comes to best friends and relationships, I'm happiest with people who share a significant number of interests--if not the majority of their interests--with me, with those smaller differences that make the person, you know, not me sprinkled throughout. People who don't share as much inevitably never get as close, though they're still fabulous friends. A big part of the problem is that my ex was pretty much everything I would look for in a partner--a similar way of thinking (but not so similar it clashed), was going to college for game programming (which is what I'd like to pursue after getting my CS degree), perfect sense of humour. He's the person who got me into prog and metal. It ended pretty terribly, though, when his depression interfered--he broke down one evening, saying he couldn't handle a relationship, and hasn't spoken to me since. It was sort of long distance, so it was very easy for him to disappear on me. The guy I'm seeing now, though, finds the music I like triggering (as much as I hate that word), often seems not to be on the same page, has only a casual interest in games, and so on. But he's also incredibly affectionate, understanding (I can tell he wants to get what I'm saying, even if he has trouble), and not so far off that we don't have anything at all to do or talk about. But I feel the disconnect pretty acutely sometimes, like right now. I feel like my previous relationship ruined my standards by raising them to an unrealistic height. But the fact there there's only a very slim chance that I'll find someone at my university that would reach anything near the level of connection that my ex did is so low that leaving this relationship also feels undesirable--we've been together 6 months; I like him a lot. Love him as a friend, but probably will never get to that point romantically. At what point do I end this? I really don't know. Edit: The venting comment was mostly a way for me to launch into this without it feeling sudden and therefore awkward.

[Iceni]

As the forum's Complainer-In-Chief (also known by the informal title Your Royal Cantankerousness) I give that vent an 8/10. Don't look at me, I've yet to even meet someone of the opposite sex with more than one of my interests. Or one who doesn't approach me wearing a combat vest and carrying a big stick. Then again, don't look to me for advice at any time, unless you need some help in understanding theology, war, military technology, philosophy or African politics. ...or finding the best value for money on cheese-flavored snacks.

[Syuurin]

As the forum's Complainer-In-Chief (also known by the informal title Your Royal Cantankerousness) I give that vent an 8/10.

Solid score, I'll take it. *bows*

Don't look at me, I've yet to even meet someone of the opposite sex with more than one of my interests. Or one who doesn't approach me wearing a combat vest and carrying a big stick. Then again, don't look to me for advice at any time, unless you need some help in understanding theology, war, military technology, philosophy or African politics. ...or finding the best value for money on cheese-flavored snacks.

Cheez-its recommendations?

[Iceni]

The Duoz sometimes go for less than $3 a box at Safeway (a large box at that) and the Parmesan/Sharp Cheddar combo is very enjoyable.

[Syuurin]

I didn't even know Duoz were a thing, will keep in mind.

[Iceni]

It's just two different varieties in the same box.

[deathstorm]

I love cheez it's

[Syuurin]

It's just two different varieties in the same box.

But that's so much cooler than one variety in the same box. On the topic of my rant, though, I should probably talk to him about everything (there being more than the original post, really) after I get back from vacation, and it will probably result in a breakup, so I guess I'd better prepare myself...

[Iceni]

Where do you attend university? My brother's looking to study computer science so he's on the market for undergraduate programs.

[Syuurin]

Uchicago. But it's not the greatest if (like me) you're not super into theory. Carnegie Mellon and UT Austin both have good CS programs, from what I hear. I think CMU's is the best in the nation.

[FatherAlabaster]

On the topic of my rant' date=' though, I should probably talk to him about everything (there being more than the original post, really) after I get back from vacation, and it will probably result in a breakup, so I guess I'd better prepare myself...[/quote'] On the topic of your rant (and by the way, there's a Rant thread if you're really into it), I suppose everyone's looking for different things out of a relationship at different times. My wife and I don't "have a lot in common" that way; she's not a metalhead, not an artist, doesn't like beer anywhere near as much as I do; she doesn't even completely share my (a)religious views. Honestly, none of that provokes any tension between us (except she thinks Edge Of Sanity is boring, but whatever... ). If anything - at least in my experience - those differences are what give me room to really be myself. The long-term relationships I've had with girls who shared all of my day-to-day interests have been somewhat stifling, and being together on the basis of common interests can set you up for growing apart when those interests change. All of which is just to say that differences can work, as long as your partner is a good person and your goals are compatible. I recognize that a college relationship and a "life partner" aren't necessarily going to have all the same attributes, either, and maybe what I'm saying doesn't apply to your situation. Certainly, not everyone is looking for long-term stability. Either way, it sounds like you've got your current relationship pretty well figured.

[Iceni]

If anything - at least in my experience - those differences are what give me room to really be myself.

That's interesting...are you saying that somebody who too closely shares your interests will just be a massive pain in the ass if you disagree on things? I had that notion bouncing around in my head with regards to wanting a relationship where the two individuals 'complement' each other - which can't happen if they're the same person. I'm not sure I'd want to be in a relationship with someone who was also doing African politics since we'd almost certainly have competing opinions on the subject and I'd get the impression that either my turf was being violated or that honestly I wasn't contributing anything useful. If I found someone who was interested in something like, say, theology or philosophy, I think that could be nice.

[FatherAlabaster]

That's interesting...are you saying that somebody who too closely shares your interests will just be a massive pain in the ass if you disagree on things? I had that notion bouncing around in my head with regards to wanting a relationship where the two individuals 'complement' each other - which can't happen if they're the same person. I'm not sure I'd want to be in a relationship with someone who was also doing African politics since we'd almost certainly have competing opinions on the subject and I'd get the impression that either my turf was being violated or that honestly I wasn't contributing anything useful. If I found someone who was interested in something like' date=' say, theology or philosophy, I think that could be nice.[/quote'] Basically, yes. My wife and I share enough interests that we have plenty of common ground, and of course right now we're both interested in what's best for our son; but art and music are kind of my "personal space", and she's supportive and respectful without trying to get too deeply involved. She'll give me her opinion about any of my stuff, if I ask, but she's pretty great about just letting me do my creative thing most of the time. Don't you usually find differences of opinion stimulating? And, why are you sometimes convinced that you don't have anything useful to add? You usually have a well-informed, well-considered perspective on things you care about, from what I can see, although your homicidal tendencies are a bit worrisome...

[FatherAlabaster]

On my mind - I've been a Meshuggah fan for twenty years, and I finally get to see them for the first time tonight! A friend of mine bought me a ticket. I can't wait. Or, I can, and I have to, I'm just really excited.

[Iceni]

For whatever reason I get nothing from people when I try to talk to them. Usually if I don't get the impression that I'm wasting their time, then they're wasting my time.

[Midi]

On my mind - I've been a Meshuggah fan for twenty years' date=' and I finally get to see them for the first time tonight! A friend of mine bought me a ticket. I can't wait. Or, I can, and I have to, I'm just really excited. [/quote'] Aha, the day hath come to thee after 20 summers! Have fun, FA

[Syuurin]

My wife and I don't "have a lot in common" that way; she's not a metalhead' date=' not an artist, doesn't like beer anywhere [i']near as much as I do; she doesn't even completely share my (a)religious views. Honestly, none of that provokes any tension between us (except she thinks Edge Of Sanity is boring, but whatever... ). If anything - at least in my experience - those differences are what give me room to really be myself.

I do like having things to myself and room to breathe, but I also prefer people who are at least willing to take an interest in things I care about, and this is not the vibe I get from my current relationship. That is to say, in most of my really good friendships and relationships, we met by realizing we shared a passion for something, usually linguistics or gaming, found other similarities here and there, and then used that as a sort of jumping-off point to get each other interested in other things we both liked. In this case, though, I have no interest in a lot of the things he enjoys, and vice versa. I wish I could, but for the most part, it's not working. So that process of discovery isn't happening--if anything, the more I discover, the more doubtful I become.

I recognize that a college relationship and a "life partner" aren't necessarily going to have all the same attributes' date=' either, and maybe what I'm saying doesn't apply to your situation. Certainly, not everyone is looking for long-term stability. Either way, it sounds like you've got your current relationship pretty well figured.[/quote'] I would vastly prefer long-term stability to the conviction that I can't stay with someone for a long period of time. It makes me a bit uncomfortable to date someone with only short-term goals.

[~Mere~]

For whatever reason I get nothing from people when I try to talk to them. Usually if I don't get the impression that I'm wasting their time' date=' then they're wasting my time.[/quote']