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Apoc

By Apoc
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FatherAlabaster
FatherAlabaster

Baby girl Zoe was delivered by C-section just after 10 this morning. Mom and daughter are doing well, currently resting. Bandcamp and hangovers can wait.

~Mere~
~Mere~

Went to an award ceremony honoring all the students in our school district who scored distinguished on state testing in @ least one of three subjects Math, Reading & Science. My son James, he's

FatherAlabaster
FatherAlabaster

Congratulations to our newest moderator, MacabreEternal! For he's a jolly good fellow, etc etc.

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

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An update on where I'm at, since I'm semi-active here again.

 

Counselling is very much helping, thoughts of self harm are becoming both less powerful and less frequent, but I'd be lying if I said daily life wasn't still kind of a struggle. What can I tell you depression isn't something that just disappears overnight, or over a month as the case may be.

 

Mods I'll try and do some tidy up work this weekend assuming I feel up to it. I know a couple of areas that need a deep clean.

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FatherAlabaster Grand Master

FatherAlabaster

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45 minutes ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

An update on where I'm at, since I'm semi-active here again.

 

Counselling is very much helping, thoughts of self harm are becoming both less powerful and less frequent, but I'd be lying if I said daily life wasn't still kind of a struggle. What can I tell you depression isn't something that just disappears overnight, or over a month as the case may be.

 

Mods I'll try and do some tidy up work this weekend assuming I feel up to it. I know a couple of areas that need a deep clean.

Glad you're able to get through it a bit better now. No need to go nuts with organizing stuff, we're still working things out.

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Natassja Collaborator

Natassja

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4 hours ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

An update on where I'm at, since I'm semi-active here again.

 

Counselling is very much helping, thoughts of self harm are becoming both less powerful and less frequent, but I'd be lying if I said daily life wasn't still kind of a struggle. What can I tell you depression isn't something that just disappears overnight, or over a month as the case may be.

 

Mods I'll try and do some tidy up work this weekend assuming I feel up to it. I know a couple of areas that need a deep clean.

I am sorry to hear you have been struggling, but I am glad counselling is helping. I had to reply to this cos it hit a nerve.  SH just leads to regret. Psychotherapy can help with coping mechanism greatly. It is a struggle but look after yourself ..things will improve..and just to add, you've got us lot here behind you too :) 

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Will Newbie

Will

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10 hours ago, RelentlessOblivion said:

Counselling is very much helping, thoughts of self harm are becoming both less powerful and less frequent, but I'd be lying if I said daily life wasn't still kind of a struggle. What can I tell you depression isn't something that just disappears overnight, or over a month as the case may be.

Good to heat you're improving. Sorry to heat you're still struggling.

1 hour ago, Iceni said:

Took the GRE and did OK, so I'm going out to eat with a couple friends this evening.

Cool, what are you taking the GRE for?

 

Tonight I'm seeing As Flesh Deacays (death), Plague of sickness (death), Cryptic Abyss (groove/death), Fall and Resist (melodic deathish) and Upon Worlds End (deathcore).

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

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7 hours ago, natassja7 said:

I am sorry to hear you have been struggling, but I am glad counselling is helping. I had to reply to this cos it hit a nerve.  SH just leads to regret. Psychotherapy can help with coping mechanism greatly. It is a struggle but look after yourself ..things will improve..and just to add, you've got us lot here behind you too :) 

I had enough willpower not to act on those thoughts but you're absolutely right. It's slow going but I'll pull through. With any luck a better version of myself will emerge from this dark place.

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Iceni Newbie

Iceni

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@RelentlessOblivion I'm pleased to hear things are improving somewhat for you and that you've been able to maintain willpower with such consistency. I do realize that makes me sound like a blowhard but that is my assessment from what I've read most recently.

I took the general GRE to get into an international relations program, I've got about six or seven I want to enter. Planning on taking it again since I think I could improve my quantitative score. As for food - well, it was good enough to warrant Cheesecake Factory, which somewhat compensated for my having eaten only a couple pizza rolls beforehand.

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

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Ah I see so the quality of your meals reflects the results you believe yourself to have achieved then?

 

Thanks mate, it all comes back to my absolute refusal to let depression get the best of me. I won't lie though it took strength reserves I didn't know I had for a couple of weeks there.

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Parker Explorer

Parker

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RelentlessOblivion, sorry to hear of your struggles, glad to hear you're making progress. I've struggled with depression my whole life, and it has pretty much ruined my life. A big part of the problem is that I had three older siblings that constantly, relentlessly, severely emotionally/verbally abused me growing up. They just ruined me. Self esteem to me is just a vague concept that I'll never truly even understand, let alone have. I'm 41, still live with my parents, have no job, no car, no degree. The only real good thing in my life is my GF, thank the gods for her. But, essentially I am a failure at life, and I know that. I don't think I'll ever truly recover from the abuse I suffered growing up.

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RelentlessOblivion Grand Master

RelentlessOblivion

Posted
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I've struggled on and off with depression for the last six years. I can be feeling fairly good about life and then suddenly bang it comes on again. This time has been particularly bad. A big part of the intial onset was verbal and emotional abuse from my step-dad paired with a very traumatic break up. I've finally managed to remove myself from the abuse by way of distance but there are some nasty scars there. Not helped by the fact that whenever I see the step-dad he's quick to lay in with the abuse all over again. I am confident though that counselling, which I didn't fully commit to in the past, will see me emerge from this bout in a far better place.

 

Mate you're in a committed relationship and I'd say that makes you successful.  I wish you all the best with it too. Here's an idea. A pact that we'll both try to look at the positives in our lives and do our best to not dwell on negative thoughts.

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Parker Explorer

Parker

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RO, I'll try, but that's so F'ing hard. There are good things about my life, I know that; in many ways I'm actually privileged compared to the vast majority of humans. But, I can't make my intellect and emotions synch up. The negative things are like an endless loop playing in my head. I don't hear voices, but I think, "I hate myself," over and over all day. And, another problem is that when I start feeling good, and the depression thaws, it turns to anger and hatred instead, and the loop becomes, "I hate humans." I can't help it. But, I'm working with a psychologist and trying, at least, to fight it. But, damn! humans give me plenty of reasons to hate them!

As for your abuser, either stay away from him or, if you can't, then whatever he says to you just respond with, "stop abusing me," and don't say anything else to him, and don't explain yourself to him. Just a suggestion. Good luck!

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