What's on your mind?

[JonoBlade]

9 hours ago, Dead1 said:

But than Paul fucking Keating decided to free Australian workers from the production line (his near exact words).

I don't think any single national leader stood up to neoliberal economics did they? US lead trade deals forced the whole world to bow before Uncle Sam's throbbing member. All in the name of blind consumerism, while the natural world burned.

[markm]

so this cat we have is hot and cold with me. She'll dart away from me sometimes. I've just realized that some of that is trying to initiate play. I guess I'm the bonehead. 

[AlSymerz]

I've known women that do the same thing.

[Dead1]

Speaking on animals, any time I see a picture of an animal on Facebook, I have an urge to comment with "good eatin' in that."

[AlSymerz]

Speaking of good eating. I was just sealing the timber of my new mini greenhouse and the stuff I was using looked like liquefied Vegemite. Honestly is there anything that miracle food can't do?

 

[FatherAlabaster]

Speaking of miracle food, I haven't had enough fresh fruit and veggies in the last couple weeks and it's taking a toll. 

[GoatmasterGeneral]

[Dead1]

2 hours ago, FatherAlabaster said:

Speaking of miracle food, I haven't had enough fresh fruit and veggies in the last couple weeks and it's taking a toll. 

 

I know lots of other people who feel like this if they don't have fruit and vegetables..

I have never experienced it even when the diet was coffee, cigarettes, alcohol and McDonalds (or Uncle Ron's home cooking as I call it) - 4 main food groups of my youth.

[AlSymerz]

30 minutes ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:

Going by current prices that's about $1500 worth of food

 

[Dead1]

Intracolonic or colonic gas  explosions are a thing - literally your farts explode in your body.  How fucking hilarious is that!?!  🤣🤣🤣

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intracolonic_explosion

[AlSymerz]

At the top end that's called a brain fart

 

[RelentlessOblivion]

On the topic of fresh food I’m like that, always feel rundown if I’m not getting enough fresh fruit and veggies in my diet. I’m also one of those stubborn pricks who absolutely refuses not to use fresh ingredients unless absolutely necessary though.

 

as for what is actually on my mind: the fact I’m finally getting back into playing guitar after my two year hiatus. Guess I finally had enough of waking up every morning looking to the corner of my room and thinking that’s right are used to actually use those things…

[JonoBlade]

Ding dong, the dickhead is finally gone!

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/live/2022/jul/07/boris-johnson-latest-resignations-today-conservatives-uk-politics-live

There have no doubt been a lot of shit prime ministers but Boris Johnson took the cake, and ate it.  He was a barrel of shit full to the brim. 

[Dead1]

Adding to my previous post about colonic gas explosions, it would appear that Youtube influencers and Brazilian pop stars have been made wheelchair bound or even hospitalised due to not farting.

 

https://au.news.yahoo.com/influencer-forced-into-wheelchair-due-to-trapped-farts-014532283.html

 

 

[Thatguy]

16 hours ago, JonoBlade said:

There have no doubt been a lot of shit prime ministers but Boris Johnson took the cake, and ate it.  He was a barrel of shit full to the brim. 

As King Parrot would put it 'Ten Pounds Of Shit In A Five Pound Bag.'

And how dysfunctional is the UK system when a PM gets knifed and he hangs around? When we do it they are gonski. Is there not a Deputy PM to take over?

2 hours ago, Dead1 said:

Adding to my previous post about colonic gas explosions, it would appear that Youtube influencers and Brazilian pop stars have been made wheelchair bound or even hospitalised due to not farting.

 

Didn't need to know this and I don't really believe it but I'm not going to the site to check it out. You can't make me.

[JonoBlade]

6 hours ago, Thatguy said:

And how dysfunctional is the UK system when a PM gets knifed and he hangs around? When we do it they are gonski. Is there not a Deputy PM to take over?

The deputy is Dominic Raab (I didn't know till I looked it up). PM has to actively relinquish duties and doesn't cease being PM just because of resignation from party leadership. It is not automatic that deputy becomes PM in case of resignation (I guess it would be if hit by a bus), so someone else could be appointed, and likely not someone that will stand in the leadership contest.

What is more dysfunctional is a party that allowed a buffoon to be in charge for so long. Or a country that voted for him in the first place. But, the rise of Boris was down to a few lucky coincidences....

He became mayor of London after a blinding turn as guest presenter on Have I Got News For You (and being up against an unpopular incumbent far left candidate); then he became figurehead of the Brexit movement (turning coat on the 70% of Londoners who wanted to remain), with no plan of what to do if they won; then after becoming party leader to succeed Theresa May - the PM with the poison chalice of having to negotiate a hopeless Brexit deal - went up against a deeply unpopular far left candidate in a general election. I thought Jeremy Corbyn was a decent bloke but have to admit he was unelectable.

In all these cases Boris was never all that popular himself but had extremely weak opposition, except in Brexit which was hard fought but the lies about how great it was going to be (based on no evidence - all forecasts were for disaster) were enough to swing it - by two percent.

I mean, your hat has to go off to the guy. He would have some great stories to tell down the pub because he is a master of making shit up. A great entertainer - just shouldn't be running a country.

EDIT: Boris will probably be relieved because he's gonna make a killing on the speaking circuit. He can make yet more shit up and not have to be accountable to anyone.

 

[AlSymerz]

13 hours ago, JonoBlade said:

EDIT: Boris will probably be relieved because he's gonna make a killing on the speaking circuit. He can make yet more shit up and not have to be accountable to anyone.

 

This annoys me, not because it's Boris, I don't give a fuck about him, but because too many of our ex-PM's do the same thing. The useless fucks had nothing sensible to say when they held the top job, then when they get out they'd get paid a bucket load to tell their tainted tails of what they thought they did and how good they thought they were for the country.

General rule of thumb, if you've been unceremoniously removed, told to fuck off, kicked out or stabbed in the back by your own team as most of our recent PM's have, it's not because you're the world's best leader.

[Dead1]

So I had spent the whole day doing housework whilst wife snd child were out bushwalking with one of wife's friends.

Sat down in the evening to watch some Umbrella Academy after kid went to bed. 

 

Having loaded herself up on gin, wife stops my episode half way and then had a go at me because she carries all the "mental load" when it comes to "everything" such as  meal planning and figuring out how many cars we need to take to work if she has a medical appointment or she is going to trivia straight after work.

WTF.

I mention how I do my part eg having just cleaned the whole house whilst she was out relaxing in nature with her friend, badmouthing evil men and the patriarchy (yep they discussed this).  She says in a most sarcastic tone "good for you."  Of course she mentions how this is all gendered behaviour and how I  just enforcing gender norms (aka sexism, patriarchy etc).

 

This tirade continues after I get up and finish off the dishes (something she rarely does).  So whilst doing yet more housework I am berated for not doing enough.

 

Apparently in addition to doing most of the house work from cleaning toilets, bathrooms, floors, doing most of ironing, feeding the dog, doing the dishes, 50% of laundry, picking up dog shit, emptying the rubbish, taking the kid to ballet, hiphop and swimmibg, making the kid's lunch  etc etc I now have to do meal planning and preparation and anything else that requires a "mental load."

I guess that leaves my wife with just soaking up gin. 

 

Now my wife and her friends and coworkers (domestic violence support) as well as her sister and niece are all rabid feminists.   I note they all display the same attitudes snd say similiar things.

They don't want equality between genders, they want power and control.  Hence in their conversations I have witnessed them talk about how we men never do enough, how women should be free to do as they please and men should live up to their responsibilities and certainly never expect anything from women.  They also openly talk about using men.  One even talks to her husband as if he is a small child.

They even angrily discuss when men show emotional need and in some cases seeking commitment from them.  

 

Given I do most housework and I spend time with the kid, my wife can't state I shy from my responsibilities.  She also does as she pleases.

Hence my fault as a male is I don't do literally everything and take the "mental load."

 

Edit: just googled "mental load"and it is a feminist concept about how women do most of the thinkimg work in a household.

Well my wife doesn't let me engage in such "thinking work" anyway.  I was trying to organise vacation care for the kid just this week and she completely overruled me.

We are going on vacation later thus year.  As always she demands to control all of it.  I did some research as to what we could do and an itinerary and she completely ignored it.

 

And as it is - I do a lot of that shit in the article and comic nelow.  I am not told to do housework or organise the kid's extracurricular activities (yes I book the ballet etc) I do it regardless.  I manage the finances.  

She choses to  keep me out of things. 

 

So it comes down to this - I have a dick hence I am a piss of shit to be kicked and can never do anything right.

 

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load

 

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

[FatherAlabaster]

22 minutes ago, Dead1 said:

So I had spent the whole day doing housework whilst wife snd child were out bushwalking with one of wife's friends.

Sat down in the evening to watch some Umbrella Academy after kid went to bed. 

 

Having loaded herself up on gin, wife stops my episode half way and then had a go at me because she carries all the "mental load" when it comes to "everything" such as  meal planning and figuring out how many cars we need to take to work if she has a medical appointment or she is going to trivia straight after work.

WTF.

I mention how I do my part eg having just cleaned the whole house whilst she was out relaxing in nature with her friend, badmouthing evil men and the patriarchy (yep they discussed this).  She says in a most sarcastic tone "good for you."  Of course she mentions how this is all gendered behaviour and how I  just enforcing gender norms (aka sexism, patriarchy etc).

 

This tirade continues after I get up and finish off the dishes (something she rarely does).  So whilst doing yet more housework I am berated for not doing enough.

 

Apparently in addition to doing most of the house work from cleaning toilets, bathrooms, floors, doing most of ironing, feeding the dog, doing the dishes, 50% of laundry, picking up dog shit, emptying the rubbish, taking the kid to ballet, hiphop and swimmibg, making the kid's lunch  etc etc I now have to do meal planning and preparation and anything else that requires a "mental load."

I guess that leaves my wife with just soaking up gin. 

 

Now my wife and her friends and coworkers (domestic violence support) as well as her sister and niece are all rabid feminists.   I note they all display the same attitudes snd say similiar things.

They don't want equality between genders, they want power and control.  Hence in their conversations I have witnessed them talk about how we men never do enough, how women should be free to do as they please and men should live up to their responsibilities and certainly never expect anything from women.  They also openly talk about using men.  One even talks to her husband as if he is a small child.

They even angrily discuss when men show emotional need and in some cases seeking commitment from them.  

 

Given I do most housework and I spend time with the kid, my wife can't state I shy from my responsibilities.  She also does as she pleases.

Hence my fault as a male is I don't do literally everything and take the "mental load."

 

Edit: just googled "mental load"and it is a feminist concept about how women do most of the thinkimg work in a household.

Well my wife doesn't let me engage in such "thinking work" anyway.  I was trying to organise vacation care for the kid just this week and she completely overruled me.

We are going on vacation later thus year.  As always she demands to control all of it.  I did some research as to what we could do and an itinerary and she completely ignored it.

 

And as it is - I do a lot of that shit in the article.  I am not told to do housework or organise the kid's extracurricular activities (yes I book the ballet etc) I do it regardless.

 

So it comes down to this - I have a dick hence I am a piss of shit to be kicked and can never do anything right. 

 

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load

It sounds like she needs to grow up and probably get off the sauce, but instead she's hanging around with enablers... including you. And it sounds like you've been pushed way past your boundaries into a place where you feel taken advantage of. You gave too much, she expects you to keep giving. Unhealthy situation and a bad place to be in with your relationship. I'm sorry.

____

Anybody hoping to spin this conversation up into some broader talk about how feminism sucks, don't. This isn't the forum for that conversation. 

[Dead1]

Thanks Father Alabaster.

 I am actually very much pro feminism.  True equality still hasn't been achieved (eg glass ceiling, women being far nore numerous victins of domestic violence etc).

 

I do think that like all human interactions it will never result in equality as all human interactions and relationships are based on power.  Despite my belief in equality it doesn't really exist anywhere except death (only time we are all truly equ@l).

 

The pendulum always swings from one side to another. 

In my relationship it swung the other way so instead of the equality I sought, she sought power and control.

[GoatmasterGeneral]

I read that article Deadovic posted about the "mental load." I don't think it's so much of a men/women issue although it does seem to frequently play out that way in many relationships. People that tend to worry about every little thing and making sure everything gets done and nothing has fallen through the cracks or been forgotten generally take on that burden because that's just their metal makeup. They feel compelled to worry and analyze and schedule and organize and plan because it helps them to feel organized. They do it because not doing it would feel to them like not picking up clutter that was strewn all over the floor and leaving their life in a complete mess. I've seen that this can describe men and/or women. I'd also like to point out that a certain amount of planning and scheduling and task managing and housecleaning is simply unavoidable in life, it's called being an adult.

You can't reduce the control freak's burden by offering to share it with them, because then they'll worry that you've missed something. So in their minds instead of having their load reduced, they'll just have been given the additional burdens of planning and delegating the division of labor, and of checking up on the other person's progress. They will still feel that same underlying compulsion to worry and plan like they've always done because it's simply in their nature, they can't help themselves. These control freaks can sometimes conclude that it'd just be easier to do it all themselves, rather than risk delegating a task they feel won't be done to their satisfaction or worry that some things might get missed altogether. (and then they can still retain the right to bitch that they have to do everything around here, even if the other person is perfectly willing and able to help) Sometimes the control freak can trivialize or negate your contributions by 'overruling' you, or they might feel the need to redo things over again that have already been done. People in relationships who are prone to excessive worry can often feel resentful toward their partners who don't by nature feel that same "burden" to worry and stress and plan and organize I guess because we're happy-go-lucky fools who just like to leave things to chance and figure things out on the fly. Some of us tend to just assume things will sort themselves out "I'll worry about that when we get there."

Thinking about it I realize I've been on both sides of this. At home I didn't have a care in the world and I let one of my exes (1994 - 2011) carry 99% of the mental load to do all the worrying and planning and scheduling for our family. My thought process was that I worked 60 hours a week in 6 days with no holidays to her 35 hours in 5 days, and we were childless. (except occasionally when my teenage daughter would come by for a visit) And she was a "neat freak" compulsive cleaner by nature to begin with so I felt no guilt about leaving most of the housework to her as well as the mental load. I did do the bulk of the cooking and meal planning and food shopping because I was the better cook and I do like to eat something tasty for my one meal.

But then at work I became the one who worried and planned and overthought things and I found myself doing many things myself because I found it quicker and easier than depending on those idiots I was supposed to be getting to do the work. I knew if I did it myself then it would be done, and done right. But my job was supposed to be either getting my guys to do it or to go out and get better guys that could do it. It's amazing to me how a job that seemed so simple to me could be beyond the capabilities of so many. So after playing at being the supervisor for a couple of years I ultimately demoted myself back to driver so all I had to worry about were my own duties and responsibilities, not everyone else's. Because worrying is a waste of time as I see it. And no amount of money is worth taking your work stress home with you to deal with 24/7.

As a widower for the last 5 years I've had to carry 100% of the mental load as well as do 100% of the cooking and housework for my little family. And it really ain't that big of a deal like some might have you believe, although I admit my standards for housecleanliness are pretty low. I'll get to it when I get to it. It's the expectations people place on one another that can often make things so much more contentious and difficult than they need to be. I now see that with that time we used to waste resenting the other person for not doing their share, we could have just done whatever it was ourselves and had time left over to relax. But what fun would that be?

[Dead1]

Thanks Goatmaster.

It is interesting how you mention work as a place of mental load.  I think it shows these concepts are applicable outside of gender.

 

You are also right about the housework not necessarily being a big deal on terms of mental load.  I just do it.  Most of it I have incorporated into my everyday routines and  just do them without much thinking let alone stress.

A lot I do because I am a clean freak eg I iron clothes such as tshirts, jeans et   that other people don't necessarily do.

I have also made housework pleasurable by incorporating as much metal listening as I can. 

[GoatmasterGeneral]

2 hours ago, Dead1 said:

Thanks Goatmaster.

It is interesting how you mention work as a place of mental load.  I think it shows these concepts are applicable outside of gender.

 

You are also right about the housework not necessarily being a big deal on terms of mental load.  I just do it.  Most of it I have incorporated into my everyday routines and  just do them without much thinking let alone stress.

A lot I do because I am a clean freak eg I iron clothes such as tshirts, jeans etc  that other people don't necessarily do.

I have also made housework pleasurable by incorporating as much metal listening as I can. 

 

I don't own an iron. To be honest I don't even end upfolding most of the laundry, except for the jeans. My system is a basket of clean and a basket of dirty, two baskets in each bedroom. When the dirty baskets get full then I'll go and wash everything and then I'll have a basket of clean, and an empty basket in each bedroom. Works for us.

My father in law, a former 20 year career RNZ Navy man was a compulsive ironer. When we stayed with him in NZ he'd be up at the crack of dawn on Saturdays doing everyone's laundry, including ironing and precisely folding every single item into a little square, even our undies. It was weird, I had never seen undies and clothes ironed and folded all exactly the same size like that. I guess that's how he learned to do it while in the Navy.

And yes sir, some of us will identify the task at hand and find a way to make it at least somewhat enjoyable. Others will just bitch about it making it that much worse when they finally have to do it. Me, I'll procrastinate doing it for as long as humanly possible and then find a way to make it enjoyable when I just can't put it off anymore. Takes all kinds, right?

[Thatguy]

2 hours ago, Dead1 said:

I have also made housework pleasurable by incorporating as much metal listening as I can. 

Metal makes gardening a pleasure too.

[GoatmasterGeneral]

2 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

Metal makes gardening a pleasure too.

Are you the Constant Gardener Doc?