Jump to content

What's on your mind?


Apoc

Recommended Posts

I couldn't give two shits about work - what I do is meaningless.  It is a means to an end. I work to love not live to work. 

And given my career experiences, people that pour their heart and soul into work get burned and discarded like worthless trash by those in power.

True success goes to the ruthless and their lickspittles.  And even here its backstabbing and power games and no real work.

 

The top of any organisation is the worst humanity has to offer...indeed studies show psychopaths and executives often have similar personality traits.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As someone who has done the 'just dump everything and go my own way' thing a decade ago I have to say while it hasn't worked out as well for me as I would have hoped for obvious reasons, it definitely has not turned out as badly as it could have either. Even considering the adversities I've faced and the challenges of single fatherhood I still wouldn't want to go back to where I was at in my pre-dump life given the choice. I felt in my late 40's like I had painted myself into a corner with my poor/questionable/regretable life choices and something simply had to give. I'd probably choose to break out of my stagnant life somewhat differently if I had it all to do over again, but I'm still glad I got off my lazy ass and did something about it and made a change.

After living through several long term relationships, all entered into with the thought that each was "the one," I am no longer of the belief that a single monogamous lifelong partnership is a natural or truly healthy state of being for most humans, be they men or women or whatever. I'm not sure why this is still considered the norm, or at least held up as the goal in life. I guess it's because two parent family units are the best situation in which to raise our kids, at least from the kids' perspective anyway, and despite the approximately 199 available methods of birth control these pesky ankle biters do have an insidious way of making their way into the world whether they're planned or wanted or not. I suppose it comes down to most men's proclivity to put work and career over family. Most men are hard wired this way and it's the way our entire western society has been set up from go. The tug-of-war in our minds happens because our women and indeed society in general demand that men be good providers, but then they don't seem to be able to understand what goes into all that providing because at the same time they turn around and want to shame us for not prioritizing being there enough and being nurturing enough and being hands-on enough with our families. Unfortunately this guilts millions of decent, caring, hard working men into feeling like they are inadequate or even abject failures as husbands and fathers. 

It's amazing to me how universal it is that so many middle aged adults go down this career-marriage-children path and by our 40's so many of us are apparently quite miserable with our 'lot in life' and where we've ended up. We all start out with our various hopes and dreams that may or may not be realistic or attainable but despite many folks' best laid plans I think life has a way of just happening to a lot of people and many of us find ourselves hanging on for the ride more than actually steering the ship. I agree with Navy that to a certain extent the willingness and ability to accept or even embrace one's lot in life inevitably comes with age, or seasoning, as by our mid 40's we're no longer 'young dumb and full of cum' and most of us have seen for ourselves watching friends, family and colleagues that the grass is not always greener on the other side. And aslo because after many years I think we tend to become numb to our discontent and we learn to ignore and compartmentalize it. 

But still quite clearly what I'm reading here and also seeing off the board with many of my 40&50-something male friends is that it's totally normal to have regrets and what-if's and some underlying level of discontentment. This is true even of dudes who I'd consider fairly well adjusted and successful and manage to project some level of contentment to the world most of the time. Men push through things, it's in our nature. Most of the time we can set aside the distractions and supress the doubts and what-ifs and nagging bad feelings when we have to and just focus on the task at hand. We need to have this ability in order to provide, survive and thrive. But it's ok to stop and reflect and just let ourselves feel it sometimes. Or even to commiserate with our peers and share our regrets and feelings of discontentment now and then. Fuck what anyone else thinks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, GoatmasterGeneral said:

It's amazing to me how universal it is that so many middle aged adults go down this career-marriage-children path and by our 40's so many of us are apparently quite miserable with our 'lot in life' and where we've ended up.

I’m offended that you think that marriage and children are the only things that qualify you for this group of miserable 40+ year old men!😂

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As my grandfather used to tell me, "a life lived without regrets is not a life well lived". Anyone who says that they have no regrets in life is either delusional or lying. But your point is well made General. Reminds me of a lyric in Subdivisions by Rush that comes to mind quite often:

Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight

I think we can all agree that we thought life would turn out differently at some point. I'd argue that it's because we really have no idea at the time how things really work. I'll take my daughter for instance. She's rather miserable (although she won't admit it) with married life and her choice of partner. Like most little girls, she had this idea in her head of how things would be. Some fairy tale romance Disney bullshit. Even though she could clearly see that it wasn't like that with her parents or either of her grandparents. Don't get me wrong. I love my wife madly and vice versa, but we'd never live up to some imaginary Hollywood ideal. No one would. And that's the rub. We develop this idea of what we "should" be like or what life really is from disturbingly distorted sources. I think age for most allows us to see and accept that it is what it is and get on with enjoying what's in front of us. Otherwise we are left chasing something that doesn't exist and making ourselves suffer for no good reason.

Lickspittles is a new one on me Deadie. I don't disagree with your point except to say that the system in general is fucked. The only reason I give a shit about work is to try and make things better for those who work for/with me and the people we serve. You can't change a broken system from the outside. Change has to come from within the system itself. If I can make things even slightly better, I feel pretty good about it. Work is a means to an end, at least until we start getting our basic needs met for free, so might as well make the best of it. Not everyone in a position of leadership is a worthless tool (although most are). There are some good people trying to make a difference. I'm not so nihilistic to give up the ghost just yet. Some days I feel like it however. My family doesn't express that they feel neglected in any way. My thoughts are very much in my own head that I could have done a better job living up to an unreasonable ideal. Unrealistic, but you know it is what it is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't believe that no regrets line. Just because a person makes mistakes in their life doesn't mean they have to regret it. That's not to say less of a person who does have regrets, but to suggest those who don't are wrong is making assumptions based on personal judgement.

Where does one stop with regrets? Oh shit I regret driving fast, talking on my phone and hitting the zebra at 140kph because I ended up in hospital for 6 months, lost my licence and killed my car.

That seems like a likely regret, but then does one analyse life further and regret every mistake because they've been told to not regret is to live in denial?

What about regretting the good things? I took the job that offered me a $500K a year instead of the job offering $50K because money is good, but was the life really want I wanted, did I miss out on a better life by not working 80 hour weeks?

Personally I find it easier to live and learn rather than live and regret. But like I say that's not a personal attack on those that chose to live with regrets, it's just a different option that doesn't cast a lesser light on someone for thinking differently to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

His point was if you don't take risks you may end up regretting in life, you're just playing it safe too avoid risk. Not a very enjoyable life. No risk no reward.

Regret is a word that varies in severity. Regretting your choice of eating double jalapeno fire nachos isn't the same as regretting becoming a heroin addict or abandoning your family to chase a hot piece of ass.

I agree with you however. I just learn to live with the consequences of my decisions and keep moving forward in life. If I've carefully evaluated the potential outcome of a choice and decided that it's a worthwhile option, there's not much to regret later if things don't work out the way I wanted. I do regret when I do without thinking and things turnout shit or I could have put more effort into making something successful but was too lazy to do so. That isn't regret I will take to my grave as a bitter old man, but still things I wish were different.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, navybsn said:

 

Lickspittles is a new one on me Deadie. I don't disagree with your point except to say that the system in general is fucked. The only reason I give a shit about work is to try and make things better for those who work for/with me and the people we serve. You can't change a broken system from the outside. Change has to come from within the system itself. If I can make things even slightly better, I feel pretty good about it. Work is a means to an end, at least until we start getting our basic needs met for free, so might as well make the best of it. Not everyone in a position of leadership is a worthless tool (although most are). There are some good people trying to make a difference. I'm not so nihilistic to give up the ghost just yet. Some days I feel like it however. My family doesn't express that they feel neglected in any way. My thoughts are very much in my own head that I could have done a better job living up to an unreasonable ideal. Unrealistic, but you know it is what it is.

Fair enough.

 

I've been in the system for 16 years now and it has amazingly managed to get worse each year.  In fact it has somehow got so much worse than I could ever imagine - I call it de-professionalisation.  We don't have processes anymore, corruption is endemic and everything has become politicised.

Just last week we had yet another reshuffle of management with knives coming out for those who had fallen out of favour with the top.  It's like Game of Thrones without the sex.  

 

And it's endemic - doesn't matter who I talk to or what  I read.  Australian society is in a state of stagnation and underlying decay. 

 

 

So I take my $108k  pre annum and do the bare minimum like nearly every other person in this country.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quote

His point was if you don't take risks you may end up regretting in life, you're just playing it ..........snip

 

 

And my point was that I don't agree with that, I also don't agree that one who lives without regret lives a safe life with no enjoyment, risk or reward. No doubt for some it could be true, but the entire population can't just be lumped into a group because it suits a person's narrative. For me, I can't possibly know that much about another person's life simply because they told me they live without regret.

From my perspective, and others are free to disagree, suggesting someone hasn't lived an enjoyable life, with both risk and rewards after they've told me they have no regrets is akin to suggesting someone is a moron because they grew up with a faith I didn't. Or someone has bad taste because they eat something I don't like. Just because a person chooses one way to live their life doesn't give them the right to suggest anyone who chooses another way are liars or live in denial, but it could well make them naive and inconsiderate.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 8/31/2021 at 9:29 AM, navybsn said:

Dude, I swear we are basically living the same life at times. This is pretty much my same experience. I have more than a few regrets on how I have treated my family. I wish I would have prioritized my family more than I did (still wish I did it more now). My military career made me prioritize work over family ("they are not issued in your seabag"). My career now as a Nurse Executive for a large healthcare system is much the same way. Work is always the top priority. There are times that I wish I had chosen a different path in life, but it is what it is. I can't say I'm unhappy with my life or where I am. It's hard to complain about a smoking hot wife that adores me, a beautiful albeit lazy adult daughter, a nice home, and a good salary. I feel like an asshole for even entertaining the thought of unhappiness when it does creep in.

I do identify as a Buddhist, mostly in the Zen tradition but I do mix in a few things from related traditions. I've been practicing for roughly 30 years. One thing that drew me to it in the first place was that I saw Buddhism as a way to improve on my "faults". Make myself more into that zen master you see in the movies. Calm, always knows the right thing to say, not attached to material success, observe and consider vs. reactionary, etc... I'm none of those things. Over the years I've come to understand that it really doesn't work that way. It does help me to see my faults more clearly and understand why I do things. That has chilled me out some, but I am still a materialistic self-absorbed prick and will probably die as one.. Maybe if I were more consistent in my practice. I was pretty hardcore during and for the first few years after my issues with brain cancer, but I've fallen off recently. Always room for improvement you know.

I can't agree more with the "this too shall pass" sentiment. Once we became empty nesters, life significantly improved. I have much more free time to pursue my interests/hobbies and life is generally more orderly which appeals to my raging OCD. I don't dislike my daughter, quite the contrary, but I don't like living with her. She's too much like her old man. An emotional hothead, and we clash pretty much constantly. I am quite happy though that I am in a position to take care of her the way my parents never were able to take care of me. I grew up eating bologna sandwiches for dinner if I got anything, she did not. I wasn't always sure we were going to have a house to go home to, she grew up never having to worry about that. Certainly doesn't justify focusing on career over family, but I do take some piece of mind knowing that I have provided for them as well as I have.

The thought to just dump everything and go my own way does surface every once in a while, but I'm old enough now to understand the consequences of that are more severe that I would want to endure. So I refocus and recommit as you said. Learning to accept/embrace your lot in life comes with age.

Yeah, man I've always felt kinship with you on multiple levels which reminds me how slack I've been on my meditation practice during COVID when you'd think I'd have more time than ever. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in a different boat from a lot of you. I've been home with my son for almost nine years now. Leaving my day job to be a caretaker was the right choice for my family, but it was a huge change and it's had a lot of negative impact on me. Don't get me wrong - I see the positive side of it daily. I have a lot of fun with my son. I taught him letters and arithmetic and drew with him and played all kinds of card and board games with him from when he was really young. I handmade a Scrabble set from paperboard when we couldn't find ours. Now he beats his camp counselors at Scrabble, and he's coding a Super Mario clone of his own design on his school laptop and conscripting me to help him design and draw his own board games. I'm really proud of him. And even if he wasn't doing all those things, he's a great kid anyway.

But man, I'm on call almost all the time, and if there's one thing that isn't conducive to the mental state I need to be in to make progress on my own work, it's being on call. I have paying work I haven't been able to get started on because I don't have help with childcare. I have paintings in my head or in sketchbooks that I'll probably never do at this point because the ideas aren't relevant enough to me anymore to make good starting points. Watching them wither on the vine is intensely frustrating. It feels like little pieces of me are dying off. Maybe it's easier to be zen about this kind of thing in retrospect, but being in the middle of it sucks. I have no regrets about being present enough for my family, but I have a lot of regrets about what I haven't been able to achieve outside of that.

The fact that we have another child on the way now, in our early 40s, when life had just started to open up a little bit, throws all of this into sharper focus and fills me with uncertainty. There's a chance it could all turn out ok. I guess all I can really do is shut out my worries and do the best I can to make that happen. 

 

Finally a bit of nice weather here! And how about those Mets?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Spending time in the city this week ruined my mental state.  Too many people (all very COVID conscious I am pleased to report) for me to take in at once, even a rare pat on the head from the big boss couldn't lift my tense mood.  I am a rural snob I have concluded.  I no longer take public transport or queue very well.  I buy eggs in open trays, not boxes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Future Mrs MacabreEternal has started to decorate the house already for Halloween.  She does have her good points it must be noted.  We made a trip to the storage unit yesterday to grab some stuff and on the way back I called into a furniture store and got a side table and lamp to compliment my Chesterfield armchair nicely.  Sacrificing a bookcase in one corner of my office has made the perfect space for this in the corner now.

In other news I have decided to tackle my slouching shoulders and have invested in some kind of shoulder brace thing that pulls the shoulders back to straighten the spine.  Working at a laptop all day (even though it is on a stand to raise to eye-level) means my posture is terrible.  I can properly feel my lungs benefit from it more than anything at this point.  Really feels like they are getting full air intake when I am wearing this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes because as everyone knows booze is the cure for seasonal allergies. I have a closet full of booze (I think it's actually supposed to be the pantry but whatever) why didn't I think of that?!? 

 I hate September. Probably the month with the nicest weather out of the entire year here in the northeast US but all I do is sneeze and rub my eyes. And I rode the mower around the yard a little bit today to chop down some of my foot tall forest which only made it worse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Join Metal Forum

    joinus-home.jpg

  • Our picks

    • Whichever tier of thrash metal you consigned Sacred Reich back in the 80's/90's they still had their moments.  "Ignorance" & "Surf Nicaragura" did a great job of establishing the band, whereas "The American Way" just got a little to comfortable and accessible (the title track grates nowadays) for my ears.  A couple more records better left forgotten about and then nothing for twenty three years.  2019 alone has now seen three releases from Phil Rind and co.  A live EP, a split EP with Iron Reagan and now a full length.

      Notable addition to the ranks for the current throng of releases is former Machine Head sticksman, Dave McClean.  Love or hate Machine Head, McClean is a more than capable drummer and his presence here is felt from the off with the opening and title track kicking things off with some real gusto.  'Divide & Conquer' and 'Salvation' muddle along nicely, never quite reaching any quality that would make my balls tingle but comfortable enough.  The looming build to 'Manifest Reality' delivers a real punch when the song starts proper.  Frenzied riffs and drums with shots of lead work to hold the interest.


      There's a problem already though (I know, I am such a fucking mood hoover).  I don't like Phil's vocals.  I never had if I am being honest.  The aggression to them seems a little forced even when they are at their best on tracks like 'Manifest Reality'.  When he tries to sing it just feels weak though ('Salvation') and tracks lose real punch.  Give him a riffy number such as 'Killing Machine' and he is fine with the Reich engine (probably a poor choice of phrase) up in sixth gear.  For every thrashy riff there's a fair share of rock edged, local bar act rhythm aplenty too.

      Let's not poo-poo proceedings though, because overall I actually enjoy "Awakening".  It is stacked full of catchy riffs that are sticky on the old ears.  Whilst not as raw as perhaps the - brilliant - artwork suggests with its black and white, tattoo flash sheet style design it is enjoyable enough.  Yes, 'Death Valley' & 'Something to Believe' have no place here, saved only by Arnett and Radziwill's lead work but 'Revolution' is a fucking 80's thrash heyday throwback to the extent that if you turn the TV on during it you might catch a new episode of Cheers!

      3/5
      • Reputation Points

      • 10 replies
    • I
      • Reputation Points

      • 2 replies
    • https://www.metalforum.com/blogs/entry/52-vltimas-something-wicked-marches-in/
      • Reputation Points

      • 3 replies

    • https://www.metalforum.com/blogs/entry/48-candlemass-the-door-to-doom/
      • Reputation Points

      • 2 replies
    • Full length number 19 from overkill certainly makes a splash in the energy stakes, I mean there's some modern thrash bands that are a good two decades younger than Overkill who can only hope to achieve the levels of spunk that New Jersey's finest produce here.  That in itself is an achievement, for a band of Overkill's stature and reputation to be able to still sound relevant four decades into their career is no mean feat.  Even in the albums weaker moments it never gets redundant and the energy levels remain high.  There's a real sense of a band in a state of some renewed vigour, helped in no small part by the addition of Jason Bittner on drums.  The former Flotsam & Jetsam skinsman is nothing short of superb throughout "The Wings of War" and seems to have squeezed a little extra out of the rest of his peers.

      The album kicks of with a great build to opening track "Last Man Standing" and for the first 4 tracks of the album the Overkill crew stomp, bash and groove their way to a solid level of consistency.  The lead work is of particular note and Blitz sounds as sneery and scathing as ever.  The album is well produced and mixed too with all parts of the thrash machine audible as the five piece hammer away at your skull with the usual blend of chugging riffs and infectious anthems.  


      There are weak moments as mentioned but they are more a victim of how good the strong tracks are.  In it's own right "Distortion" is a solid enough - if not slightly varied a journey from the last offering - but it just doesn't stand up well against a "Bat Shit Crazy" or a "Head of a Pin".  As the album draws to a close you get the increasing impression that the last few tracks are rescued really by some great solos and stomping skin work which is a shame because trimming of a couple of tracks may have made this less obvious. 

      4/5
      • Reputation Points

      • 4 replies
×
×
  • Create New...