Your Lyrics

[Iceni]

very different from the last lot you posted' date=' not sure I like them as much if I'm honest they just don't seem to flow smoothly[/quote'] I'd rather you be honest. I wasn't sure if you'd like the first set so that already came as a pleasant surprise. They don't quite tell a story in the same way, I agree. Part of that is because they're addressing different concepts. I suppose I should ask: do you understand the lyrics or are they unnecessarily confusing?

[RelentlessOblivion]

I understood it more or less but reading it doesn't give the right impression, picturing those lyrics being growled though they make more sense here's some old lyrics I've expanded but hit a snag, they're pasted from a word doc so the font's a bit massive The Blessed Lie What if there is no godwould you waste your fucking life trying to be his last disciple? Lead the life of a slave who prays he'll be saved when there is no fuckingheaven It’s compulsory hypocrisy, you can't practice what you preach The only truth, your god's a lie and you'll live preparing to die Luring the weak of will Drawn like moths toflame These masters ofmanipulation Deception is their name The blessed lies maintaincontrol Being human is a sin Those who doubt are castaside The faithful areenslaved What if there is noSatan, would you bow your head in fear?

[H34VYM3T4LD4V3]

Re: Your Lyrics cool lyrics murph!

[RelentlessOblivion]

thanks dave, doesn't help that I am completely stuck with no idea how to start the next line though

[Iceni]

thanks dave' date=' doesn't help that I am completely stuck with no idea how to start the next line though[/quote'] Har. They're nicely written, I won't deny that. Of course I don't like them because I think the concept they're communicating is dead wrong, but you've done a good job. As for how to begin the next set, why don't you bring up Pascal's wager and criticize bring in some idea of opiate of the masses? An allusion to that idea would be good. You could also look to Ulcerate for ideas if you want. Something like "How safe are you really If the game is a waste? Leave the gambling house Drop your cards and make haste Be freed from sacred cards Stigmata on a dice."

[RelentlessOblivion]

Sorry Iceni but after spending my entire education in the Catholic school system my feelings on religion are very much warped, spirituality it's a different matter entirely but it seems in this case I couldn't seperate the two

[Iceni]

Sure, but was my lyrical feedback any good? I know you have an entirely different view of the world's metaphysics from mine, but I would like to make sure I can help you write the lyrics you want to.

[RelentlessOblivion]

it helped a bit giving me some interesting ideas to explore if I can make them fit the lyrical pattern, I think that song will end up being mid tempo death metal, I abandoned those Nightmare On Elm Street inspired lyrics 'cause I couldn't make them work, the Edgar Allen Poe lyrics will probably end up being doom/death bordering funeral doom/death and the Brave New World inspired lyrics will probably end up being doom/death or traditional doom

[Iceni]

I didn't know what lyrical pattern it was, but you could do something blending iconography and gambling paraphernalia. If you went to Catholic school you should have a good knowledge of imagery. You can then make the point that gambling is a waste of time and life, which seems to be what you're saying about religion. I had some more good lyrics somewhere so maybe I'll put those up sometime.

[RelentlessOblivion]

the pattern for the verse sees the first half of the verse exploring the absence of god, satan, heaven or hell whichever the case may be and the second half exploring the sacrifices of the faithful (like the compulsory hypocrisy line) these are very much lyrics based on my personal experiences with religion I'm afraid but I do recognise that faith is important to some people so if you're uncomfortable reading them I won't post the finished version (when I get it done)

[Iceni]

but I do recognise that faith is important to some people so if you're uncomfortable reading them I won't post the finished version (when I get it done)

I'm not going to claim special privileges just because I happen to be religious. I need to defend my faith, not beg for others' mercy. Besides, I'd like to help you write good lyrics so I'm hoping my feedback is useful. Hopefully you'll like these. Don’t Scratch We call ourselves good – though godless idealists We think we know, as unhindered realists Judging the impact of a course of action Pronouncing the state of affairs a nightmare Decrying madness occurring here and there This indictment is our moral reaction (Bridge: Clawing at your flesh, as the bits of dead skin fall away Like ashes from a pyre where you cremated the fey You reach deep inside – and what is that you hear? It’s the sound of nails scraping barren walls – the hollow noise you fear. (Chorus: So you stitch your wound closed and pretend you have a soul Administer antiseptic – now heal yourself whole You may find the itch strikes you again…but Just-don’t-scratch. We parade such scars as a point of our pride Implying depth from the appearance outside We fervently eschew fierce strikes through the skin We dare not show what lies inside, just beyond The doubt that shames us for the raiment we’ve donned Robes of confused priests who preach with plastered grin (Bridge, Chorus) The sword that hews to the marrow quickly bares Our intention to debunk our moral airs But despite doing so, retain them as well As it slashes through the flesh of pretentions Our veins bleed sentimental good intentions We stumble, ignorant of clanging death-knell (Bridge, Chorus) Stop thy ears and hope that ye shall not hear Yon dirge of humanity, coming near (Solo) Burn thy seam closed and grow ye fat Indulge thy whims from the holy vat (Solo) Thickness shall make quiet the perturbing sound Of a withered, sickening heart’s desperate pound (Bridge, Chorus)

[Iceni]

And here's some more. These lyrics are about the character Raven from Teen Titans, who I thought was immensely metal and awesome. Ashen Winter I sit sad and drained Clothes torn, I burn with shame Golem vassal whispers Destroyer is my name Behold my hands: small and weak are they Yet – grey, impassive, like granite flesh Looking an image of youthful decay With fate forcibly etched in my skin A ruthless reminder- To start my repentance before my greatest sin (Chorus: ) Throughout life’s travails I have sought To dilute my poison blood And now those endeavors come to naught As I’m told what I am The bringer of ashen winter Incantations written upon me Obscure runes written in glowing red The answer to eschatology I’d dared to believe I could forget My destiny as the harbinger Literally the bringer of death The script burns my soul My free will made a sham But no pain burns hotter Than knowing who I’ll damn To a material hell And my betrayal of the trust they put in me… (Chorus) Wandering scared and alone, reduced to wide-eyed paranoia, Fear envelops me in the wasteland Of howling wind and crimson skies Hearing the sound through the cliffs Its warped echo tranquil morbid music I’ve forgotten the semblance of purpose Courage will soon meet its demise I see that even at the end of times, my friends are willing to fight Despite there being nothing left, hope persists There is a paucity of nourishment, however small, in parched earth Upon which my failing strength subsists (Chorus II: ) No longer will I be- enslaved by fear, my patriarch My flesh shall no more bear the mark I answer to a higher power than base brutality Now I will drive him away Banish darkness and claim the day He is no father that would craft me as end of mortality I will not be governed by the dark heart I was given Nor the gem that brought his wrath There’s another answer to my riddle of existence Lesser-travelled by, the path (Chorus II) Free will is a gift bequeathed even to wretches such as I And I will make good on that grace!

[RelentlessOblivion]

new lyrics I'm working on, these are very personal and important to me Once more caressed by icy fingers Embraced by the mother of sorrow Again engulfed in the ravenous dark Seeking light that's tinged with steel ??? I don't even remember writing these but I think I can do something with them. That last line sucks though

[FatherAlabaster]

Yay lyrics. Whoo hoo. Iceni, you should post more of yours. I disagree with your take on atheism, but they're good lyrics. Are you a vocalist, or a musician of some sort? Here are some of mine, from the upcoming album. I'm not entirely happy with them, but I'm going with them in the interest of getting the album done and not being so precious about every little line. If I didn't have this attitude, the thing wouldn't get done... This one contains some negative feelings about my marriage. A Form Of Blindness: A form of blindness drove me here, into your arms, in a reckless moment. A kind of pity kept me here past my days, as kind as chains on a slave. Would it come as a shock, to find your bird has flown, having rediscovered flight in the grip of the noose? You're singing in the dark: a tether to your door. A second of remorse, as innocence creeps in. A shout in vain. The bastard's mother, you took nothing in. There's deception at the heart of you, cold heart, unbereaved. Blood on the ground beneath you, leaking down your legs to poison the bare earth. Wherever you go, I'm never far behind. An unwilling father, you're everything I asked. You gave to me the flesh for life. Moving and breathing, the red flower in my veins; completely dead beneath the surface - flat eyes, hollow chest. You're raging at the dawn, a voice to crack the sky. Wherever I might go, you drag me by the neck. Did it come as a shock, when the collar, that fit so tight it would never come undone, was a means of escape, finally? I've left you far behind. In a secret life, we never met, and I had joy more than anything I've known. There's a secret home, down a thousand steps. Its door will open once, and shut me in alone. This one is one of a few that I've written dealing with my grandfather's death from Parkinson's. Confined: Nothing in my house but cold words for a long life, abandoned to my need. Nothing in my house but long nights in a cold bed, hollowed out by grief. One second in the shadow would freeze my veins. One moment in the sunlight would burn me away. So my silence has lasted years. Can you hear me now? One word to fall, light as a feather, and bring your father down. That's all I have left. A bitter end to a joyful life. That's all I have left, one breath into the next and then it stops. That's all I have left. I see it coming and I cannot look away. I could have had all of it, but I turned my back on it, and the worms tunneled in my blood. Enter me, feed on me. My skin is not my own. Enter me, feed on me, and die without a home. Til then there's no relief. The mind is set to wander, while the body lingers on. There's nothing in my house. A door has been thrown wide. The thief has come and gone. And the worst part of it is that I'm still inside of it, and I can see you all from here, but never say a word. I'm fed through a tube, and shit into a tube, in the corner of a room that I'll never, ever leave, ever again. Every kind word I hear is from a stranger. Every day I'm washed, turned on my side, and left to rot. Every day I'm more like an animal, confined inside. That's all I have left - a painful end, though it come in silence. That's all I have left. Closing doors and distant voices. Here is all I need, drugged until my eyes glaze over. I remember who you are, though you've forgotten me by now. Minutes pass like days. Every night's the same. Before we're divided, look at me once more. I am not the father you adore. First my body withers, then it burns, and then to the river near my home I will return. A cloud is on my vision, but the road is clear: you can leave right now, and I will die right here.

[orcslayr23]

Seeing all these emotional and profound lyrics makes me want to post one of my band's songs (and yes, this is a real song) ORCumentary - Orc Rock Anthem Orc Rock Anthem My name is Orc Adams I'm in a band called ORCumentary If you do not like my music I will hang you from a tree! You don't think i'll do it, do you?! You are right, I'd prefer not to I'd prefer to take a sword and cleave you in two! ORCumentary is the best band in the universe Anyone you name, any band you name is most definitely worse! What makes my band so awesome? I sing about real things! Not dumb things like love and heartache or how many karats has my golden ring! I put to song the true events on how I became the hero of the orcs slaying men, elves, dwarves, and goblins was a hell of a lot of work! pull up a chair, if you dare or just stand right there and orc rock till your clothes become threadbare!

[RelentlessOblivion]

it's been quite some time since anyone has posted here some new lyrics inspired by part of Edgar Allen Poe's The Fall Of The House Of Usher Riding under dismal skies Forlorn, cold and grey 'Cross lands dry and weary Desolate and old Icy fingers of melancholy Grasping at my soul I find myself in loathsome space Bleaker then the grave so far that's all I have but as I get more done I'll add to it

I never did get back to these, it would seem I've got some work to do, three sets of lyrics I need to finish off

[FatherAlabaster]

Seeing all these emotional and profound lyrics makes me want to post one of my band's songs (and yes, this is a real song) ORCumentary - Orc Rock Anthem Orc Rock Anthem My name is Orc Adams I'm in a band called ORCumentary If you do not like my music I will hang you from a tree! You don't think i'll do it, do you?! You are right, I'd prefer not to I'd prefer to take a sword and cleave you in two! ORCumentary is the best band in the universe Anyone you name, any band you name is most definitely worse! What makes my band so awesome? I sing about real things! Not dumb things like love and heartache or how many karats has my golden ring! I put to song the true events on how I became the hero of the orcs slaying men, elves, dwarves, and goblins was a hell of a lot of work! pull up a chair, if you dare or just stand right there and orc rock till your clothes become threadbare!

That shit's funny!

[RelentlessOblivion]

Got a little more of the Edgar Allen Poe inspired lyrics done so this is what I have so far Riding under dismal skies Forlorn, cold and grey 'Cross lands so dry and weary Both desolate and old Icy fingers of melancholy Grasping at my soul I find myself in loathsome space Bleaker then the grave Arriving at my destination A dark and ancient home Greeted by this sickly figure Older then his years His eyes a window to his sorrow Pierce me to the core There's still a long way to go but any feedback would be appreciated

[FatherAlabaster]

Do you have music to go with these? A rhythmic pattern in mind? And do you have the rest of the storyline in mind?

[RelentlessOblivion]

I actually came up with the guitar rhythm before I started writing the lyrics. I was mucking about and stumbled onto this eerie little riff which needed some melancholic lyrics to accompany it. As for the storyline is's more or less going to follow that of the story which inspired them (The Fall Of The House Of Usher).

[BlutAusNerd]

Re: Your Lyrics

Got a little more of the Edgar Allen Poe inspired lyrics done so this is what I have so far Riding under dismal skies Forlorn, cold and grey 'Cross lands so dry and weary Both desolate and old Icy fingers of melancholy Grasping at my soul I find myself in loathsome space Bleaker then the grave Arriving at my destination A dark and ancient home Greeted by this sickly figure Older then his years His eyes a window to his sorrow Pierce me to the core There's still a long way to go but any feedback would be appreciated

I like it. You have a much more straightforward and descriptive style than I do, and the theme sounds good if you're going for prog/doom. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2

[Hooligan]

I'm not a musician nor a singer but I'm posting this just for fun. METAL CHAINSAW In the blackest night cold embrace with a shroud of fear in the fog of shivering fright A MISTRESS OF METAL IN BLACK WITH A CHAINSAW IN HERE. You can't run, you can't hide her bloodthirsty quest to abolish the poser with the roaring blade False metalhead, prepare to DIE!! awake the cutting edge to you body glide No more fucking around you pathetic clowns Bitch in the black cloak, the netak maiden of Death cutting you sissies down til they reach their final breath Chorus Lady in black, Mistress of Metal enforcer of the law, anyone who forsake true heavy metal will meet Mrs, angel of death with her METAL CHAINSAW run for cover, you won't get away. you fun of mockery of the true heavy metal end here Oh, it coming alright, it time to pay. The Mistress of Metal will slice you a million pieces everywhere. HEAVY METAL IS THE LAW UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL. TO THOSE OPPOSE WITH MEET THEIR FATE ONE FOR METAL, ONE FOR ALL!! Bitch in the black cloak, the netak maiden of Death cutting you sissies down til they reach their final breath Chorus Lady in black, Mistress of Metal enforcer of the law, anyone who forsake true heavy metal will meet Mrs, angel of death with her METAL CHAINSAW

[RelentlessOblivion]

I like it. You have a much more straightforward and descriptive style than I do, and the theme sounds good if you're going for prog/doom. Sent from my HTC PH39100 using Tapatalk 2

That's just how I write I suppose it's not a conscious decision to write that way. As I said my inspiration for those was an Edgar Allen Poe story. All I did was read the story and write about the images that came to mind.

[FatherAlabaster]

RO - They're cool lyrics, nothing wrong with them. Reminds me of some Maiden lyrics. My two cents: make sure they sound cool too. It's easy for overly narrative lyrics to stick out and sound cheesy. So just pay attention once the song is finished and don't be afraid to change some stuff here and there if you have to. But it's a good starting place, and if you wind up liking everything just the way it is, awesome.

[RelentlessOblivion]

I won't be recording anything for a while yet (still need to first learn some progressive songwriting skills and second merge them with the doom metal elements I also need to learn) but I'm thinking vocals similar to Messiah of Candlemass would work well here.