schwermetallschatz666

Angel of Death - Slayer

AFI

Undertaker

all day and all of the night- the kinks

melody

asshat

sounds like you dont know how to use your teeth

sounds like you got the important bit

murder her throat - demonfuck

This reminded me of this scene from a book I read a long time ago where a man and woman are arguing over opposing worldviews and she gets upset and starts pounding on his chest and crying, "I don't believe it I don't believe it", to which he replies, "What is it that you don't believe in?" She has no answer. hahaha I know where I am. I enjoyed it. No apologies necessary but I appreciate your consideration. I enjoy good conversation on any topic. maybe just because you're a mammal doesn't mean you can flop in and suck up all the hot air

I'm headed to bed so I'm not going to go through and respond to you all in kind as I was thinking I would reading through. I will say that my direct experience is with the worst kinds of Christians, that do push their faith and judge and outcast you for not meeting their standards of salvation. What makes them worse even still is that they pretend that they are not these types of Christians. On top of that they were firmly evangelical. I spent most of my missions trips running the sound and taking care of the travel sick to avoid street preaching but I did end up in a bible college on track to be come a preacher, which is weird to me still but whatever. After becoming so conditioned to at least be seen to be accepting of all of these) things, it is hard to see anyone leaning towards something that is so toxic in my own life. As cold hearted as I feel I have become, I do care about people and don't want to just watch them suffer. But everyone finds solace in different places. If it helps them to believe in the cross and all of the other that comes with it, then that's fine. As most of you have said, as long as it isn't being pushed on anyone, what's the harm. Though, the point that these ideals seem to be running law and nations is what is more deeply problematic. This side of the church is a way to separate what is essentially the same evil, and those who are passively complicit are still complicit. Supporting the beast that eats you. I find it hard to be around people who allow that willingly into their lives and see that the benefits outweigh the negatives. Humans need community, I get that. Personally, the negatives will always obliviate the positives. Even a lot of people (mostly gays and girls) who I know who were more passively religious had a hard time coping with what the church adds to the mental torment we are already under from the rest of the world. Religion and spirituality are two vastly different subjects, and when I speak of Christianity I am most definitely referring to modern, mostly American, Republican Christianity unless stated otherwise. I would never judge someone for taking scripture to heart. As a part of my schooling, I basically had to write my own textbook on the bible. There is so much beauty and inspiration contained in ancient works and the bible is no exception. It can be incredibly powerful and inspirational. I gravitate more towards lyrics. Well, if it seems to be real, it's illusion For every moment of truth, there's confusion in life Love can be seen as the answer, but nobody bleeds for the dancer And it's on and on On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on They say that life's a carousel Spinning fast, you've got to ride it well The world is full of kings and queens Who blind your eyes and steal your dreams It's Heaven and Hell, oh well And they'll tell you black is really white The moon is just the sun at night And when you walk in golden halls You get to keep the gold that falls It's Heaven and Hell, oh no And just to needlessly clarify, the infant is me. Am baby.

the number of the beast - iron maiden

i’m tryin i’m tryin lol

I don't really care about what other people think so much. I just have PTSD and don't feel authentic in who I am because I was taught it was wrong for such a long time. And not just wrong but inherently bad, and evil. I knew they were wrong but it fucks with your head. I was told I would never belong so now I don't. I have actually never had a hard time meeting people when I actually go out and do things, but the anxiety is in the going and the doing, not the people.

Online school lol and the social aspects of the classes do not appeal to me at all. I am impossible to deal with and a complete brat about my habits. I have done this to myself hahaha thankfully my anxiety is not rooted in caring what other people are thinking. i was just thinking earlier that i did connect with a few good people when i was younger through the little exposure i had to music. ptsd messing with my memory has made it hard to remember things "that truly bring me pleasure", as my therapist reminded me is a necessary thing.

Ahh if that were easy for me I likely wouldn't be here. Things are always changing maybe opportunities will open up soon.

thank you i don't have family so i just hoped one day i'd find my people. maybe i still will but it seems pretty futile lol things were already complicated enough for me before, i don't need the extra layer of reality to wade through ty no ty

halloween - helloween

also i just found out i made the dean's list \m/

yeah i have zero local friends, so anyone i do talk to is through some form of internet. i'm glad to hear that. i know experiences vary but i have hope.

Its so strange. But at least there's that I guess. the only forum i’ve ever used before was for dual sport motorcycles lol but the platform definitely centers around conversation which is more of a connection than just scrolling the feed. we've lost a lot of the significance photos bc we’re so bombarded with them. Its hard because people wont even text you back anymore but they’ll answer a DM. i don't have a ton of friends so it seems necessary to keep up with however i can communicate with them. id prefer to be rid of it entirely as i get very little out of it.

social media has created this reality where you either play a character of yourself (your chosen aesthetic, if you will), or you have “NPC energy”. people used to, and probably still do somewhere idk, have more depth than that. did we really somehow lose all of that to the internet?

here’s to surviving. thank you

Countdown to Extinction - Megadeth as I have become aware that it was released the year I was born lol

Ahh google translate fails me again hahaha thank you for your advice and guidance